Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 1.13 “Another Song For Christmas”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

It’s time for a Christmas episode!

Episode 1.13 “Another Song For Christmas”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on December 19th, 1984)

Oh, that Fast Eddie!

Played by the familiar character actor Geoffrey Lewis, Fast Eddie is a wealthy used car salesman.  He knows how to turn on the charm.  He knows how to close the sale.  Fast Eddie may have grown up poor but now he’s rich and he’s determined to not sacrifice one cent.  It’s the day before Christmas but Fast Eddie has no problem refusing to give money to charity.  He has no problem ripping off an elderly couple looking for an affordable car.  He has no problem firing Dave Ratchett (Jeff Doucette) when Dave refuses to roll back a car’s mileage.  Fast Eddie doesn’t care that Dave’s son is sick and Fast Eddie certainly doesn’t care that it’s Christmas Eve.  He even orders his butler (Ivor Barry) to work on Christmas Day.

Jonathan and Mark stop by Fast Eddie’s car lot but they don’t buy a car.  They just observe Fast Eddie at work.  After they leave, Mark watches as Jonathan has a brief conversation with Santa Claus (Don Beddoe).  It turns out that, like Fast Eddie, Mark doesn’t really have the Christmas spirit.  Jonathan suggests that Mark should re-read A Christmas Carol.  Mark starts to read it but falls asleep after the first page.

Meanwhile, at his mansion, Fast Eddie also falls asleep but is soon awakened by Jonathan who takes him to the past and shows Eddie how his poor childhood led him to grow up to become overly obsessed with money.  Mark then appears and shows Eddie what’s happening in the present.  Eddie’s lawyers are trying to shut down a charity so that Eddie can buy their headquarters.  Poor Dave Ratchett is having to explain to his family that he lost his job.  Eddie is moved by the sight of Dave’s wheelchair-bound son, who will die unless he gets the operation that Dave will now never be able to afford.  Finally, Jonathan takes him to the future and shows Eddie that no one will visit his grave after he dies.

Eddie wakes up infused with the spirit of Christmas and soon, he’s running around town and giving people, including Dave, all of his money and other gifts.  Interestingly enough, Mark also wakes up and he tells Jonathan that he had a dream in which he was the Ghost of Christmas Present.  Just like Eddie, Mark wakes up with a new appreciation for the Christmas holidays.

I’ve lost track of how many different version of A Christmas Carol that I’ve seen.  The idea of turning Scrooge into a used car salesman is an interesting one and I liked the fact that Eddie and Mark apparently both had the same dream.  This may be the only time in which one of the “ghosts” learned a lesson as well as Scrooge.  That said, Geoffrey Lewis — who was good in so many different films — goes a bit overboard as Fast Eddie.  He’s so desperate and twitchy that it’s easy to believe him as a used car salesman but not as a successful one.

Next week, Jonathan and Mark search for a missing friend.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 2.12 “Charlie’s Cherubs/Stalag 3”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Fantasy Island is invaded by Nazis and Angels!

Episode 2.3 “Charlie’s Cherubs/Stalag 3”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on December 9th, 1978)

Today’s episode begins with Mr. Roarke noticing that Tattoo is carrying a calculator with him.

“What is that, Tattoo?” he asks.

“A mini-computer,” Tattoo replies, “My cousin Igor sent it to me.  Computers can take away a lot of guess work.”

Mr. Roarke, obviously thinking that these “computer” things are but a mere fad, replies, “So can bikinis.  Let us meet our guests.”

This week, all of the guests have dangerous fantasies.  For instance, Danny Ryan (Cornel Wilde) is a World War II veteran who has never really been able to make it in the post-War world.  So, he invites three fellow vets to return with him to the French town in which they spent 1944.  During the War, they were POWS at Stalag 3 but they were famous for continually outsmarting Commandant Horst Von Stern (Nehemiah Persoff).  In fact, Von Stern’s career and reputation never really recovered from the time that Danny and his friends escaped.  (I imagine that, after the war, Von Stern’s reputation was also damaged by the fact that he was a freaking Nazi commandant.)  Not only has Mr. Roarke arranged for the old French village — complete with Fifi of the Resistance (played by Yvonne DeCarlo) — to be moved to Fantasy Island but he also brought over the old POW camp.  Unfortunately, Von Stern decides to come over as well and get his revenge by tossing Danny and friends back in the camp.

“You see,” Von Stern announces, “generals have fantasies too.”

What the Hell is going on with this Island?  Does Mr. Roarke just give anyone a fantasy, even a Nazi war criminal?  Actually, it appears that Mr. Roarke doesn’t know that Von Stern has come to the Island nor does he know that there is a treasure of stolen diamonds hidden in the village.  Apparently, Roarke decided to just let this fantasy run on autopilot without actually bothering to check in with what was going on.

Both Mr. Roarke and Tattoo are more concerned with the three secretaries (Melinda Naud, Brenda Benet, and Bond Gideon) who want to be Charlie’s Angels and solve a crime.  The crime involves a theft on Fantasy Island and …. well, it’s really not much of a mystery.  It’s basically a 20-minutes episode of Charlie’s Angels, with a bit less action but a lot more scenes of people saying stuff like, “He knows about electronics so he’s the thief!”  It was really a weak fantasy, which is a shame because, if I ever went to Fantasy Island, I would probably want to be a detective as well!

The show ends with Von Stern being sent to Germany to be put on trial for war crimes and the Angels saying that they’re ready to be secretaries again.  Roarke informs them that most angels fantasize about being secretaries.  Uhmmm, Mr. Roarke …. the proper term is administrative professional.  Everything appears to be wrapped up but, as the show ends, Tattoo announces that someone has stolen his mini-computer and Mr. Roarke laughs at his assistant’s misfortune.  Perhaps Tattoo losing his most prized possession was Roarke’s fantasy.

This was a weird episode.  Mr. Roarke might need to pay closer attention to what’s happening on his island!