Hallmark Review: Love by Chance (2016, dir. Gary Harvey)


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Okay, let’s get them out of the way right up front. If you felt burned by Chance at Romance, then take a chance on Love by Chance. That’s the first joke that came to mind when I heard the title of this movie. Lucky for me, it turned out to be accurate. This is one of the best Hallmark movies I’ve seen so far. I am up to 168 at the time of writing this. The other thing is this opening piece of stock footage.

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They cut to that right after a shot of the space needle, which told us this is supposed to be Seattle. There’s no way someone realistically would notice this while watching the movie, but I did when I went over my screenshots to write this review. Look at the street signs. I’m pretty sure this is stock footage from China. Either that, or it’s a Chinatown somewhere. Those street signs have Chinese characters on them and the Romanized version of those characters. I looked where they got their stock footage for this film and couldn’t find it.

Now let’s talk about the movie.

The movie opens up by reminding us that pastries exist before teasing long time Hallmark fans as to whether they can figure out if the bakery is using the same set as the kitchen from the Murder, She Baked series. It isn’t. This one is much larger whereas the kitchen in that series always felt surprisingly claustrophobic in its size. During this we are introduced to our secondary lady of the film named Claire Michaels played by Beau Garrett.

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That’s right! I said secondary. This isn’t really her movie and how she ends up with Eric Carlton played by Benjamin Ayres. Hallmark knew this. It’s Brenda Strong that they interviewed on Home & Family to plug this movie, not Beau Garrett. I don’t watch the show, but this always pops up during the credits of these movies. They tease a talk with the star of the movie that you just watched.

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Brenda Strong plays the mom named Helen Michaels. Despite her being in a lot of stuff over the years people probably still remember her best from the couple of episodes of Seinfeld she was is in back in the 90s as Sue Ellen Mischke. Since I don’t have that particular season of Seinfeld, you are stuck being reminded that she was in the lousy film The Leisure Class last year.

The Leisure Class (2015, dir. Jason Mann)

The Leisure Class (2015, dir. Jason Mann)

Or I’m sure if Lisa could, then she would have me insert a Degrassi animated GIF to describe just how much she disliked that movie.

By the way, along with Bridget Regan who was in The Magic Stocking, that makes two actors from The Leisure Class who were also in Hallmark movies in the past year.

The other main actor in this film is Brenda Strong’s husband Sam Michaels played by actor Garwin Sanford.

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You have no idea how much it bothered me trying to remember where I knew this guy from. I sometimes wish Hallmark would popup a thing on the screen that would say, “Here’s where you might know such and such actor from.” In his case, he played Narim on Stargate SG-1.

He was kind of the humans go between guy with one of the very advanced races the team encountered along with the Tokra, The Nox, and The Asgard. The difference was that the Tollan were incredibly arrogant, isolationist, and thought their superior technology meant they were automatically safe from any threat. They were practically offended at the idea that someone would say they might be in trouble. In the end, their race was brutally wiped out.

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Stargate SG-1

With Garwin Sanford showing up in this movie, that makes at least two major/very memorable side characters who have shown up in Hallmark movies from Stargate SG-1 in the past month with Michael Shanks being in Hearts of Spring. I especially bring up Sanford’s role on that show because if you do remember him from that series, then know that he plays the husband in a similar fashion. In Stargate SG-1 he was level-headed, kind, charming, had a bit of a child-like wonder about things, and a great deal of maturity about him and the way he spoke. That’s him in this movie to Brenda Strong’s nutty matchmaking mother. Whereas in that he was that to Amanda Tapping who incidentally was named Samantha, but was always called Sam. I’m sure that’s not a coincidence on Hallmark’s part that his name in this movie is Sam.

The parents are so much the center of attention of the movie here that I am going to kind of treat this like a Godfrey Ho movie. If you already have heard me explain what that means in another review, then you feel free to skip over this explanation. Ho was a director in Asia who popularized the cut and paste technique of filmmaking. He would take old or unreleased films from the region, shoot some footage with caucasian actors, then clumsily spliced them together. In reviewing his films, it’s common practice to review each set of footage separately, while occasionally mentioning how the two unrelated plots are connected. Sometimes you will even find the caucasian footage on YouTube edited out of the other original film. That’s how I’m going to review this movie. I’m mainly just going to tell the story as if the whole thing plays on the parents side with some minor connections to the other story since that’s really how it is.

The film opens up and meet Mom walking outside with a confidence as if she is going to break into the theme song from That Girl before coming into her daughter’s bakery

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She really tries to set up her daughter. She even just gave out her phone number to a guy. She is holding a party at her daughter’s bakery so that she can attempt to set her up again while also trying to help out her business.

At the party Mom is trying to explain to her daughter who this man is that she called out of the blue. This is also when we find out Mom and Dad are about to go globetrotting. At least that’s the plan. Enter Dad!

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A little side thing to mention. The actor on the right in the picture below, named John Cassini, is excellent in this.

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He’s one of those quality characters actors that can make a big difference in a movie. His character’s name is Marco and is the daughter’s close friend at the bakery.

The attempt at matchmaking continues from the party into the kitchen. After complimenting her on her smile and sealing the deal on her going on a date with a guy, she gives a smile herself that either says, “that’s my daughter!” or, “I’m going to kill you in your sleep.”

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I love Brenda Strong in this.

I gotta give it to this first guy she goes out with. He’s kind enough to realize that she is going to need a lot of wine to get through his boring story.

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At home, Mom and Dad are having a conversation about their daughter finding love. While Mom is preoccupied with finding her daughter a lover, he is wondering what ever happened to them spending their retirement together. That will be the main part of this story. The Mom becoming so obsessed that the Dad all but up and quits the idea of going to Italy. If he were an idiot he would have even thought she was cheating on him at one point.

Now Mom goes too far and signs up her daughter on a dating website. I know it’s a Hallmark cliche, but this may be the first Hallmark movie since The Color of Rain that I’ve seen what I am quite sure is Linux showing up in a Hallmark movie.

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Who cares that the URL isn’t quite right because it’s Brenda Strong using Linux! That’s awesome.

We also have the return of the use of IMDb publicity photos within the movie.

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Mom actually sets up a date with this guy. No, I don’t mean that she tells her daughter to meet with this guy. I mean that she actually meets with the guy at a bar and tries to sell him on her idea of meeting her daughter. I love when he asks her if she’s done this before. You’d expect an answer like, “No, but I’m desperate to find her someone.” Nope! She just casually mentions that she has done it twice already before continuing with her pitch as if there is nothing unusual going on. Luckily, the fact that the camera keeps cutting behind these things…

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doesn’t prevent the guy on the right from jumping in. That’s Dr. Eric Carlton (Benjamin Aryes). He’s actually there waiting for someone, but she’s called away on the grounds that this is a Hallmark movie as soon as she shows up. After telling him that “Doctor Gorgeous” isn’t for him, she gives him his card and actor Benjamin Ayres gives us a great look on his face.

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He tries to pass this off to “Doctor Gorgeous” as her just being a real estate agent. Ha! Mom isn’t going to be dissuaded by any of this.

Mom shows up the next day at his practice, it turns out the secretary/nurse knows her, and she immediately uses that to coerce him into going to get coffee with her. Cue Benjamin’s face!

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Just as he’s leaving, a colleague of his says out loud, “Why can’t I ever meet older, married women?”

This is when Mom goes into full real estate agent/matchmaker mode. She actually convinces him here, and this sales pitch continues outside.

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It’s about here where we find out that at least part of this movie was filmed in Maple Ridge, British Columbia. I think that’s a new one on me for a Hallmark movie.

Mom has invited him to a fundraising gig to meet her daughter. The fundraiser is being held at a gallery that is actually at 3045 Granville St, Vancouver, BC V6H 3J6, Canada.

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After Mom tries to pry her daughter for some details, Mom and him meet again to talk.

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Turns out he likes the daughter, but has a little problem. That problem being her mother. Think that’s gonna stop her?

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After a short conversation between Mom, Dad, and their daughter we discover something.

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That’s right! While this film is going on,…

I Do, I Do, I Do (2015, dir. Ron Oliver)

I Do, I Do, I Do (2015, dir. Ron Oliver)

Autumn Reeser is about to enter her own version of Groundhog Day and…

Hearts of Spring (2016, dir. Marita Grabiak)

Hearts of Spring (2016, dir. Marita Grabiak)

Lisa Whelchel is about to enter the Mommy Blogger’s Convention.

This building is clearly the romantic nexus of Hallmark films.

Now Dad is starting to get really confused about what happened to them enjoying their retirement.

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Mom meets with Eric again and tells him that it has to be her to tell the daughter she set this up. Mom now tries to find a way to tell her daughter by setting up a shopping trip with her. Dad is getting more fed up with all of this.

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On this trip, the daughter drops into the conversation that one of the things she loves about her new relationship is that “somehow we found each other.” She says it’s just “like you and Dad.” Of course, it will turn out that it was no chance Mom met Dad either. Another great look from Brenda Strong that sums up her character at this point quite nicely.

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Now Mom and Dad have a conversation over a map of Italy. This is probably the most adult and realistic conversation you’ll hear in a Hallmark movie.

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While Brenda Strong has the majority of the scenes in this movie, Garwin Sanford plays every single one of his scenes perfectly.

Mom has a heart to heart with Eric, but this is where things go really wrong…sort of. The Uncle (Peter Graham-Gaudreau) of the family sees Mom and Eric on a bridge talking, snaps a photo, and goes to Dad with it. Dad is preoccupied at first with a fountain that looked smaller online, but then he hears the Uncle out. To which we get this.

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He immediately goes to the computer and finds out that his wife set up their daughter on a dating website. How it was all just sitting there instantly waiting to be discovered or why she was looking at dating profiles for a guy named George who is using location manager Braden Jennings’ picture or Producer, Cinematographer, and owner of Bass Tracks films Stefan Berrill going under the name of Neal, we are never told. Dad goes and has a long talk with Mom. She confesses that she kind of setup their meeting up too. It’s sweet and all, but he knows that their daughter might not see what she did so nicely the way he does concerning their meeting. However, at the end of the day they still are a long married couple that loves each other so the real outcome of their talk is that the both agree the fountain really is big.

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Mom and Dad now make a full confession to the daughter. I love that one of the daughter’s responses is “Ok, so he witnessed your insanity and he still thought it was a good idea to meet your daughter?”

We now discover where the bakery is in real life.

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It’s Mc Burney Coffee & Tea House at 20504 Fraser Hwy, Langley, BC V3A 4G3, Canada. Hallmark really likes shooting in Langley. If you are curious, the restaurant from Appetite For Love is just a little east along Fraser Highway from this place.

Mom has a talk with Eric, then a nice talk with Dad. They are okay, and Mom agrees to back off.

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In the end, the young couple forgives all of these issues and kisses.

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Meanwhile! Yes, the daughter has had her own plot this whole time. While Mom, Dad, and Eric were doing their thing and having a few scenes with the daughter, Claire and her friend Marco have been trying to prepare for a restaurant critic named The Wandering Gourmet. They mistake several people for this critic. They fuss about it. Of course that works out too.

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If you’re coming to this movie to see yet another young love film with the parents played by quality actors pushed into the background, then go elsewhere. The movie is a story about a woman who is going to be leaving to go to Italy with her husband, but feels this unbearable feeling that she can’t leave without knowing her daughter has found love. In the end, she lets go of it. Of course the love thing has to work out cause it’s Hallmark, but it could have just as easily ended without that part. I think I’ve mentioned just about everyone here, but you might be wondering how Beau Garrett’s performance is here. She’s perfectly fine. There’s just not much for her to do so it’s not a performance to really judge her on. You are watching this movie for Brenda Strong, Garwin Sanford, Benjamin Ayres, and John Cassini in a good supporting role. It’s their film.

I highly recommend it.

Here are the songs:

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Hallmark Review: All Things Valentine (2016, dir. Gary Harvey)


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Sorry I’ve been gone for a few days, but it’s been pretty horrible here. No worries though because I come bearing All Things Valentine. All Things Valentine is a film that on the surface appears to be just a reworked version of Love On The Air, but is actually pretty messed up. For those of you who don’t recall, Love On The Air was the movie where two idiots on the radio fall in love with each other over #NotAllMen and #YesAllWomen statements they make on the radio. Not my favorite, but at least it didn’t do what this film does.

The film opens up with that super generic title card that at least looks better than the ones for Unleashing Mr. Darcy and Dater’s Handbook. Then we are introduced to Avery Parker played by Sarah Rafferty. I guess that makes two Hallmark movies where the actresses are from the USA show Suits since Dater’s Handbook had Meghan Markle in it.

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Poor Avery was really happy as she was walking around in red, carrying a gift, and balloons, but then saw her boyfriend kissing another girl. Instead of confronting him or anything, she just goes home to pout. Then we get a shot of a dog she owns. Can’t say I’ve seen a dog with a nose like that.

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And yes Hallmark, I am excited about your upcoming cannibal Valentine’s Day movie. If somebody doesn’t get eaten then I am going to be very disappointed by your deceptive title. Now we find out that Avery works for The Portland Banner as a Dear Abby type called “The Coach”. Her column is called “Consult The Coach”. Here’s the letter that just came in:

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Now we meet the person who wrote the letter named McKenna played by Kimberly Sustad. Sadly, Superman from The Nine Lives Of Christmas isn’t here to save her.

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Here’s the response she receives from The Coach:

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So her letter said that she kept bringing up Valentine’s Day, but that it didn’t seem important to him. The Coach’s advice is that “his insensitivity suggests the kind of man he is. Not someone you should trust with your heart.” Based on the letters I don’t think there is trust in this relationship at all. Wouldn’t the right advice be to stop being cryptic and actually just tell him? Being cryptic then being sad because the other person didn’t figure it out is your problem, not there’s. She actually will do this later and the film will rub it in her face.

Now Avery goes to work and her boss suddenly springs on her this idea for a series of Valentine’s Day related columns. Avery tells her how she isn’t the right person for this, that she doesn’t like Valentine’s Day, etc. Didn’t think of this just a little while ago when she dispensed advice about Valentine’s Day to McKenna, but now this comes out. I know she couched it with “I’m not a big fan of Valentine’s Day”, but come on! How many of us have read Internet comments that started with I’m not racist or homophobic, but then launch into something blatantly racist or homophobic? Her boss tells her not to worry because it wouldn’t really be you writing the columns, but you’d be pretending to be someone who likes this holiday. Oh, that’s nice! Her boss is telling her to be a liar. Let’s go to dinner now!

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That’s right! McKenna is going to dump her boyfriend Brendan Bates played by Sam Page. I love this conversation because McKenna ceases to think for herself and basically quotes verbatim the turd The Coach sent her calling it advice. He reminds her that the very reason they are out at dinner right now is because he knows he won’t be able to be there on Valentine’s Day, but she doesn’t listen. He is just kicked to the curb.

So let’s see what we have so far. We have a woman who has the maturity of a 12 year-old. A boss who tells her to lie to people in an advice column. We have a woman who probably would think poison would be in her Valentine’s Day candies if an anonymous person online told her that. Wait, sorry, that was Ann Landers and Dear Abby that did that convincing people poison and razor blades might be in their child’s candy. The Coach would never give bad advice even though the scene that follows her giving said advice has her saying she shouldn’t write that stuff because she is biased. Then we have a guy who knew that he would have to work on Valentine’s Day so he made sure to take her out when he could. Fine, but watch what the movie does to this person whose relationship was ruined and what they do to the person who ruined it. That’s why this film is messed up.

Next we meet Brendan’s best friend and McKenna’s best friend who she works with at a bakery. They exist in this story to be a charming subplot on the surface, but really are there to just rub it into McKenna’s face even more. Yes, she will have a conversation with her blonde friend here to try and set us up for the ending. Still not going to work for Hallmark though. If this movie could have ended with none of the main characters together, then it could have worked, but it’s Hallmark so that can’t happen. Yeah, I think you can see what’s coming, can’t you?

Now we find out that Brendan is a vet. And wouldn’t you know it? Avery comes in with her dog that is now sick. Oh, but just before, Brendan fires off an angry letter to The Coach as Bench The Coach. Then the lovers meet, and they start dating.

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I’ve teased it enough. This movie is going to reward this woman for destroying this other’s woman’s life by giving her this guy and delivering an even better guy to her blonde friend leaving McKenna twisting in the wind. No joke. Oh, the writer J.B. White tries to put in a scene here and there so we are properly couched for this ending, but nope. This would be like if Chilly Scenes Of Winter (1979) stuck with it’s original ending and rewarded John Heard for all his stalking by having him end up with the girl. That’s what happens here.

I probably should stop now, but can you believe this situation is made even worse. Yeah, McKenna actually has a conversation with Brendan where she says that the Bench The Coach letters to The Coach have caused her to reconsider what she did. He not only brushes her off, but apparently has a date with The Coach on Valentine’s Day. The very day he said earlier he couldn’t do anything on.

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So in case we thought this might actually be a decent guy and were rooting for him, the movie gives us a reason to hate him. Yep!

The rest of the story plays out with Brendan and Avery getting closer and closer together while Brendan’s friend builds and builds up his courage to finally tell the blonde he is head over heels in love with her.

Near the end of the movie McKenna and Avery actually do have a conversation with each other about the whole situation. McKenna told Avery that Brendan was the guy who was sending her Coach persona those letters as Bench The Coach. They have a conversation that really tries to justify the ending by having McKenna reach out in a heart to heart with Avery.

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The movie so wants this to work, but it doesn’t. J.B. White has written some of the better Hallmark movies I’ve seen such as Lead With Your Heart. He obviously wanted to avoid the childish and contrived plots that usually riddle these Hallmark films and shoot for the stars with this one. The movie ends with blonde and Brendan’s friend getting together right in front of McKenna, Brendan and Avery getting together, and this being the last shot of McKenna that we get.

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Looks happy, doesn’t she? This simply wasn’t a plot that the Hallmark template could handle. The movie needed to end with only the blonde and Brendan’s friend getting together. The two worst people in the story end up happy together and the person who was lied to by both of those people is left alone with no one. Neither Avery nor Brendan learn lessons about hiding behind anonymity because doing so gets them together and heals Avery’s wounds associated with Valentine’s Day. This just wasn’t the right script for Hallmark. I actually kind of encourage you to watch it because White was certainly trying here for something adult and mature, but you’ll find that it doesn’t quite work because of the Hallmark romance movie framework that he just couldn’t break so strongly.