The Daily Horror Grindhouse: The Dead Live (dir by Darrin Patterson)

Posted on October 14, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“It’s madness! Madness, I tell you!”

— Alex Travis (Emily Hughes) in The Dead Live (2006)

So, this is what it comes down to. There’s a lot of very critical things that you can say about the 2006 zombie film, The Dead Live. You can complain about the wooden acting. You can talk about the terrible special effects. You can talk about the numerous continuity errors and you can also point out that this film drags on for 120 minutes. Myself, I would complain about the repetitive heavy metal soundtrack. (What is the deal with amateur zombie filmmakers and heavy mental?) Judging from the comments over at the imdb, the number one complaint about this film is with the sound. To put it simply, it’s often time impossible to hear what anyone’s saying in The Dead Live.

But, with all that in mind, The Dead Live does feature brave journalist, Alex Travis (played by Emily Hughes), shouting, “It’s madness! Madness, I tell you!” And any movie that features “Madness, I tell you!” in the dialogue cannot be considered all bad.

Add to that, this film features a scene where an unfortunate guy gets shot in the head. However, before the trigger is pulled, the guy shouts, “NOOOOOOOOOOO!” and the action suddenly starts moving in slow motion. Even the “NOOOOOOOOOO!” is heard in slow motion. And, as I’ve said in the past, I love the slow mo of doom.

Oh! And I did I mention that, towards the end of the film, someone shouts, “STOP OR I’LL SHOOT! ARE YOU DEAD OR ALIVE!?”

And then there’s the visit to the Savini County Morgue in Romero, Ohio (that’s right — Savini County and Romero, Ohio), which turns out to be located in an office. The director plays the coroner. He also plays the sheriff, a member of a SWAT Team, and a zombie.

Before we get too snarky, I’ve read a FAQ at the imdb, one which I have a reason to suspect was written by the director himself. This was Darrin Patterson’s first movie and, assuming that he is the author of the surprisingly detailed FAQ, he admits that this film was largely a learning experience.

And, as easy as it is to criticize The Dead Live, there’s an odd sort of charm to just how thoroughly and totally inept this movie really is. I think it’s because we all secretly know that, if we ever got a chance to make a movie for only $10,000 and with no professional help whatsoever, we’d probably end up making something just as bad.

The phrase is overused but The Dead Live is literally “so bad that it’s good.” It’s a shame that the film doesn’t have a cult following. If you can appreciate Birdemic or April Rain, you can probably appreciate The Dead Live.

The Daily Horror Grindhouse: Old Man (dir by Guy McConnell)

Posted on October 13, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“A new couple move in to a house where a murder supposedly took place. Nonsense ensues.”

— IMDb plot description for Old Man (2004).

Wow, IMDb, snarky much?

Seriously, I am surprised to see such a snarky plot description for Old Man. I’m assuming that it was written by someone who watched Old Man and didn’t care much for the film. Considering that Old Man currently has a 3.4 rating on the IMDb and has been voted on by 49 users … well, that’s 49 suspects for you.

But, honestly, that plot description isn’t even that accurate. For one thing, it’s not a house where “a murder supposedly took place.” Instead, it’s a house where at least 13 murders definitely took place. The murderer was named Walter Bowden and he was nicknamed the “Old Man,” presumably because he was 65 years old and old people are scary. Walter ended up murdering his wife and his son and then he hung himself. But is it possible that his ghost still haunts the house?

Of course, it ‘s possible! In fact, it’s not only possible but it’s what actually happens!

The other part of that plot description that I take issue with is the claim that “Nonsense ensues.” It’s not nonsense, it’s ghostly mayhem!

In defense of whoever wrote that plot description, they were correct when they stated that a married couple — Linda (Erika Stone) and Michael (Jason Kulas) — does move into the house. Michael knows why they got the house for cheap but he never bothered to tell Linda. And when Linda starts seeing and hearing odd things, Michael dismisses her concerns. Why do men always do that? Look, guys, if we say that there’s a big scary ghost in the closet, there’s a big scary ghost in the closet! We don’t need you to go check inside the closet, we need you to find a new house…

Anyway, Linda eventually meets a strange man (Kevin Cirone) who tells Linda about the house’s background. Linda, needless to say, is not happy. (As for Michael, he’s mostly jealous that his wife has made a new friend.)

Despite those 49 IMDb users, Old Man is not that bad. Erika Stone is a sympathetic heroine and the Old Man himself is properly intimidating. Old Man is better than your typical ultra low-budget, shot-on-video horror film. The only nonsense is to be found in that IMDb plot description! Snark is a powerful weapon. Don’t waste it on a perfectly inoffensive little film like Old Man.

How did I see Old Man? It was included as a part of the 6-movie, 2-disc Depraved Degenerates set from Pendulum Pictures. It’s probably the best movie included in the set.

The Daily Horror Grindhouse: Hell’s Highway (directed by Jeff Leroy)

Posted on October 12, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“This is the worst trip ever!”

— Monique (Beverly Lynne) in Hell’s Highway (2002)

It certainly is, Monique! It certainly is.

Hell’s Highway is a stretch of road that runs through the desolate California desert. The side of the road is decorated with crosses, each signifying another person who lost her or his life on the road. There are only a few cars on this lonely stretch of highway. One car belongs to a serial killer who dresses as a priest. Another car is being driven by veteran porn actor Ron Jeremy, who ends up getting castrated in close-up.

And then there’s a group of college friends on a road trip. They drink beer. They smoke pot. They occasionally stop to camp out on the side of the road. And they also pick up a hitchhiker named Lucinda (Phoebe Dollar).

Picking up Lucinda was probably a mistake because, as soon as she gets in the car, she starts talking about how much she enjoys killing people. She then pulls out a gun and tells them, “My name’s not really Lucinda but it’s close enough.” The road trippers manage to kick her out of the car and drive away.

But it’s not that easy to get rid of Lucinda!

The next day, they once again come across her hitchhiking. They run her over and then drive off with her large intestine still wrapped around the back bumper.

And yet, Lucinda continues to reappear! No matter how many times they destroy her, Lucinda always returns…

Like so many of the films that I’ve reviewed for this October, Hell’s Highway is included in the Decrepit Crypt of Nightmares box set. Like every other film included in that set, Hell’s Highway is a low-budget, direct-to-video gorefest that doesn’t really waste much time with anything as mundane as plausibility. And yet, for what it is, Hell’s Highway is actually pretty effective. Lucinda makes for an effectively creepy villain and all of her victims are so unlikable that you won’t feel too bad when they get killed.

Perhaps best of all, Hell’s Highway ends with one of those out-of-nowhere twists that makes so little sense that it becomes oddly brilliant. Just when you think the film can’t get any stranger or any more implausible, it goes there. And it goes there with such conviction that you can’t help but slightly admire it.

Perhaps despite itself, Hell’s Highway works surprisingly well.

The Daily Horror Grindhouse: Demon Slaughter (dir by Ryan Cavalline)

Posted on October 11, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Like many of the films that I’ve reviewed so far this month, Demon Slaughter was included in the Decrepit Crypt of Nightmares box set. I have to admit that the main reason I ended up watching Demon Slaughter was because it was only 62 minutes long. Sometimes, you’re in the mood to watch an epic and sometimes, you’re in the mood to watch something that’s barely an hour long.

Anyway, Demon Slaughter was originally released in 2004 and it tells the story of Jimmy (Adam Berasi), who is some sort of criminal who apparently owes money to a bunch of other criminals. So, naturally, Jimmy goes on a shooting rampage and kills a lot of people. This, of course, leads to Jimmy’s girlfriend being brutally murdered. Jimmy then flees to a cabin where he meets a red-faced demon, deals with a horde of zombies (many of who appear to be smiling as Jimmy shoots at them), and has a vision involving several naked women. After a fairly impressive scene that features someone melting, Jimmy ends up getting into a theological discussion and the film’s final twist is revealed!

The first half of Demon Slaughter didn’t do too much for me. There was nothing supernatural. Instead, it was just people running around with guns, talking tough, and shooting at each other. I imagine everyone had fun filming those scenes (boys always like to do the whole bang! bang! You’re dead! thing) but it was kind of tedious to watch. As well, the sound kept going in and out. I’m not sure if that was a production issue or if it was just a problem with my DVD.

But then, once, Jimmy was in the cabin and shooting at all the zombies, the film got a bit more entertaining. While the special effects weren’t exactly convincing, they did have a definite DIY charm to them. Plus, that melting face was pretty cool!

6 More Horrific October Trailers!

Posted on October 11, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to the latest edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Film trailers! Let’s see if we can scare up some frights with these 6 trailers!

1) A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

2) Scanners (1981)

3) I Drink Your Blood (1970)

4) The Crazies (1973)

5) Phantasm (1979)

6) The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

What do you think, Jaded Possum?

The Daily Grindhouse: Vampire Hunter (dir by Sean Gallimore)

Posted on October 10, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Evil vampire and art gallery owner Morgan Bane (Leonardo Milan) has lived for centuries and is suffering from a nasty case of ennui. He has grown so powerful that there simply are no more worthy opponents!

However, Morgan makes the mistake of kidnapping Heather O’Ryan (Erin Leigh). What Morgan doesn’t know is that Heather’s husband, John O’Ryan (Sean Gallimore, who also directed this film), is not just a talented animator. He’s also a super cool martial artist! John is going to get his wife back and he’s going to kick a lot of vampire ass to do it!

Helping Morgan is veteran vampire hunter, Ramone (Frank Suarez). Along with carrying a few dozen stakes, Ramone is also armed with a squirt gun full of holy water. Ramone’s religious faith is so strong that he can repel vampires just by showing them the cross that he’s tattooed on his palm. (That’s actually a pretty clever touch. Why don’t all vampire hunters do that?) John, meanwhile, is an atheist but he’s about to discover that you can’t defeat a vampire without a little faith…

Vampire Hunter was made for about $5,000 in the mid-90s but, for whatever reason, it didn’t get released until 2004. The low-budget is obvious in every frame and so is the fact that first time director Gallimore was learning how to direct as he went along. The film itself can be found in a few box sets (I found my copy in the Decrepit Crypt of Nightmares box set) and it’s obvious that the DVD was transferred over from a VHS tape.

But you know what?

I don’t care about the technical limitations. I don’t care about the low-budget. I don’t care about the less than professional acting (though I do think that Gallimore actually showed a lot of screen presence and gave a decent enough performance). I liked Vampire Hunter. It’s a fun movie, one that was made with a lot more sincerity than skill but, quite frankly, I think sincerity is underrated nowadays. Watching this movie, you get the feeling that it was a labor of love on the part of Gallimore and I’m glad that — even if it took nearly ten years — he eventually got his movie released!

And really, whatever issues you may have with the film, you cannot deny that the fight scenes are handled surprisingly well for a film with a $5,000 budget. Gallimore obviously knew what he was doing as far as the fights were concerned and, quite honestly, the fights are probably the main reason why somebody would watch a movie like Vampire Hunter in the first place.

Seriously, check out Sean Gallimore training for some vampire hunting!

Say what you will about Vampire Hunter, I hope that Sean Gallimore had fun making it and I’m happy that it was eventually released!

The Daily Horror Grindhouse: Murder Mansion (dir by Francisco Lara Polop)

Posted on October 9, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

1972’s Murder Mansion (which is also known as Maniac Mansion) is an enjoyable Italian/Spanish co-production. It’s been included in a few dozen Mill Creek box sets and it’s usually advertised as being a zombie film. While I don’t want to give too much away about the film’s twisty plot, I do feel obligated to let our readers know that it is most definitely NOT a zombie film. Instead, it’s an old-fashioned gothic giallo.

Murder Mansion opens with various people separately traveling across the countryside. A few minutes is devoted to allowing us to get to know them and we quickly discover that they are all familiar giallo types. There’s the cold businessman, the lecherous man with the beard and the driving gloves, and, of course, the free-spirited young lovers who have just met. There’s also the emotionally unstable, Elsa (Analia Gade).

When a huge fog rolls in, Elsa is the first of the travelers to find herself stranded outside of a foreboding mansion. She thinks she sees two shadowy figures in the fog — a woman and a hulking man dressed like a chauffeur — pursuing her. As she runs through the fog, she runs into the young lovers, who are also similarly stranded. They decide to seek refuge inside the mansion and … guess what? It turns out that all the other travelers have decided to seek refuge there as well!

Well, it turns out that the mansion is looked after by a housekeeper named Martha (Ida Galli, a.k.a. Evelin Stewart). Martha explains that the former owner of the mansion was killed years ago in an automobile accident, along with her chauffeur. (Hmmm….) Martha also goes on to explain that the village around the mansion is deserted because the villagers became convinced that the woman and her chauffeur were vampires. Martha then invites everyone to spend the night.

As everyone prepares to turn in for the night, they can’t help but notice a few strange things. First off, why is every bedroom decorated with a disturbing painting? And why does the painting of the former, now deceased, owner of the house look so much like Martha?

As you probably already guessed, a mysterious figure soon starts to prowl around the house, killing the travelers one-by-one. Meanwhile, Elsa continues to have her nervous breakdown and soon starts to have flashbacks to some unspeakable acts that were committed by her father…

Murder Mansion is an enjoyable little giallo, one that is full of creepy atmosphere, twisty plot developments, and memorably strange characters. It’s actually a lot of fun to watch as our heroes creep around the mansion and try to put together all of the clues. (It made me want to go out and solve mysteries!) As far as blood, gore, and nudity are concerned, Murder Mansion is actually remarkably tame by the standards of Italian (and, for that matter, Spanish) thrillers, which makes it an appropriate introduction to the genre for people who may not have previously seen a lot of giallo films.

(Trust me. I tried to introduce my aunt to giallo by showing her Mario Bava’s Bay of Blood and she made me stop the movie after the double impalement. If I had been smart, I would have started with Murder Mansion and then worked my way up.)

All in all, Murder Mansion is a lot of fun and great Halloween treat!

The Daily Horror Grindhouse: Mama Dracula (dir by Boris Szulzinger)

Posted on October 8, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This 1980 Belgian film is quite possibly the worst film that I’ve ever seen.

That’s something that I have to be careful about saying because there’s always a chance someone is going to say, “Oh my God! If it’s really that bad, it must be a lot of fun to watch! I have to track this movie down!”

Well, it’s not that hard to track down Mama Dracula. It’s been included in countless Mill Creek box sets. It’s in the public domain so you can probably find it on YouTube. But seriously, when I say this movie is bad, I don’t mean that it’s so bad that it’s good. This is not an Ed Wood film. It’s not even a Herschell Gordon Lewis. Instead, it’s just a really bad and tedious movie. How bad is it? It’s so bad that I originally suspected that maybe Bret Ratner had something to do with it. That’s how bad it is.

Anyway, I guess I should tell you what the film is about so that way, I can at least say that I’ve reviewed this damn thing. Professor Van Bloed (Jimmy Schuman) gets an invitation to attend a special conference on blood research. The conference is being held in a small village in Transylvania and it’s being hosted by Countess Dracula. And yes, she actually does sign the invitation “Countess Dracula” and no, Professor Van Bloed finds nothing strange about it.

Anyway, it turns out that Countess Dracula is played by Oscar-winner Louise Fletcher. And yes, she’s a vampire. But also, she’s the infamous Countess Bathory, who remains young by bathing in the blood of virgins. But if she’s a vampire, wouldn’t she remain young regardless? (And, add to that, Louise Fletcher doesn’t look particularly young in this film so you have to wonder how old she was when she first started bathing in blood.) Countess Dracula also has twin sons and they are vampires with fangs and all that. Apparently, they don’t have to bathe in blood to stay young.

Anyway (and you end up saying anyway a lot when you watch a film like Mama Dracula), the Dracula Twins run a clothing store called Vamp and, whenever a virgin steps into the changing room, she is promptly kidnapped and whisked away to the castle. But everyone in the village seems to know what the twins are doing so you have to wonder why they don’t just stop going into the store.

Anyway, it turns out that there’s not many virgins left in the world and the villagers are encouraging their daughters to get laid as soon as possible. So, Countess Dracula is willing to set Prof. Van Bloed with a special laboratory so that he can … do something.

ANYWAY, after about an hour, the film realizes that it’s going to have to end at some point so Prof. Van Bloed ends up falling in love with Nancy Hawaii (Maria Schneider), who I guess is supposed to be a virgin, though the film never seems to be quite sure…

But … yeah, this was an amazingly bad film. Bleh on you, 1980 filmmakers!

Bleh. On. You.

The Daily Horror Grindhouse: Burning Dead (dir by George Demick)

Posted on October 5, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Many years ago, a teenager named Jim Reed was one of the few people to survive a fire that burned down the entire town of Maxwell and killed nearly the entire population, including his parents. As you might guess, even after he grows up, Jim has some issues. He feels tremendous guilt. He has nightmares. He feels he’s responsible for the deaths of thousands. And even worse, he can’t really remember how the fire started or why. All he knows is that he keeps seeing terribly burned people and they all keep telling him that it’s all his fault.

After spending years just drifting, an adult Jim (played by D. Vincent Ashby) returns to the town of Maxwell. It’s been rebuilt and, amazingly enough, there seems to be next to no sign that it was ever the site of a huge apocalyptic fire. (I suspect this has more to do with the film’s budgetary limitations than anything else.) He ends up staying with his brother and occasionally, he seems to be possessed by some unseen force. (For example, there’s the time that he wanders into his nephew’s bedroom while wielding a hammer.) Jim meets his ex-girlfriend Shelly and an old friend named Bill. And, through it all, he continues to have visions of horribly burned zombies telling him that everything is all his fault…

It’s always tempting to get snarky when talking about a movie like 2004’s Burning Dead. This is a microbudget film that was obviously made with a largely amateur cast, the majority of whom are quite stiff as they deliver their overdramatic dialogue. Yes, it would be easy to make fun of Burning Dead but you know what? For what it is, it’s not that bad. It’s a horror film that had a lot of interesting ideas but not the budget to really execute them. But there are films with huge budgets that have absolutely no interesting ideas. Ridicule the limitations of Burning Dead if you must but, as far as I’m concerned, the filmmakers deserve some credit for trying to create something more than just your standard low-budget zombie film.

Add to that, I am an admirer of the stoned nonchalance of D. Vincent Ashby’s lead performance. It may be a the result of a lifetime of trauma but Jim, at times, seems to be one of the most mellow in protagonists in the history of horror cinema. No matter what he’s confronting or explaining, Jim retains the same casual attitude.

My favorite moment in the film came when Bill asked Jim if his parents lost anything in the fire.

“Their lives,” Jim replies with a slight shrug.

Obviously, Burning Dead is not the easiest of films to find. It’s included in the Decrepit Crypt of Nightmares Boxset and that’s where I found it.

(One final bit of trivia: according to his imdb page, director George Demick previously played a zombie in George Romero’s Day of the Dead.)

D. Vincent Ashby considers Burning Dead.

The Daily Horror Grindhouse: Dead 7 (directed by Garrett Clancy)

Posted on October 4, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I recently opened up Decrepit Crypt of Nightmares DVD box set from Mill Creek and went searching for a movie to review for October. The movie that I picked was Dead 7, a slasher film from the year 2000.

Dead 7 — or, I should say, the version of Dead 7 that I saw — got off to a pretty bad start when the douchebag pictured below appeared on the screen.

Speaking in a low, guttural voice that I guess was supposed to sound scary, this guy introduced the movie and explained that it was about a meth dealer who tossed a deaf kid in a hole and who suffered an appropriate fate as a result. Okay great, I thought. But then the guy kept talking and, to be honest, his voice was so annoying that I have no idea what he was talking about. It reminded me a bit of that old episode of Saved By The Bell where the gang found the old radio station and Screech got to host Screech’s Mystery Theater.

However, Dead 7 should not be judged by that introduction. For one thing, I get the feeling that the introduction was tacked on by the film’s distributor, Brain Damaged Films. (In fact, the credits even state that the intro was filmed by a separate director.) And once you get past the intro, Dead 7 is actually a fairly effective slasher film.

Now, don’t get me wrong. According to the imdb, Dead 7 was made for $7,000 and it definitely looks like it was made for $7,000. This is an ultra low-budget film and it really doesn’t do anything to redefine the slasher genre. This is one of those films where a group of people do something bad in the past and then, a few months later, they die as a result. There are no great surprises but still — when taken on its own terms, Dead 7 is an effective film.

Just as the toadsucker in the intro promised, a group of meth dealers toss a deaf kid into a mine shaft and leave him to die. Three months later, the kid’s odd sister, Venus (Delia Copold) performs some sort of odd ceremony in the wilderness and soon the meth dealers and their girlfriends are all dying in various bloody ways. Can you figure out what’s happening? Of course, you can!

That said, Dead 7 definitely works. Garrett Clancy makes the best possible use of his low-budget, filming with a constantly roaming camera and using properly askew angles to keep the audience off-balance. The gore is surprisingly well-done for such a low-budget film and, while the acting won’t win any awards, all of the lowlifes are appropriately scuzzy. (Delia Copold probably gives the best performance in the film, especially when taunting the main dealer.) The film ends on a properly ironic note and, all in all, watching Dead 7 is not a bad way to waste 72 minutes in October.