Don’t watch this movie …. alone.

Or with a group.

Don’t do it!

Seriously, this is probably going to be the worst and most rushed review that I’ve ever written because I spent 80 minutes watching this film and I really don’t want to spend another 80 writing about it.  First released in 1981, Don’t Go In The Woods …. Alone is the story of a maniac (Tom Drury) who looks like some sort of crazed Barbarian cosplayer and who spends his time hunting people in the Rocky Mountains.  He’ll kill just about anyone that he comes across and he’ll laugh while he does it.  We don’t even find out much about why he’s killing but he certainly seems to enjoy it.  Ten minutes into the film, he’s already killed a woman running in a creek and a bird watcher wearing a bow-tie.

The Rockies are full of campers.  The Maniac takes out a painter.  The Maniac takes out a honeymooning couple who thought it would be a good idea to stop their van in the middle of the woods.  He follows a group of campers.  Craig (James Haydn) is an experienced camper and he gets to utter the film’s title.  His girlfriend (Angie Brown) likes to play surprisingly mean-spirited pranks.  Of course, Craig’s idea of a good time is trap his girlfriend in a sleeping bag and hang her from a tree until she cries uncle.

And then there’s Peter (Jack McClelland), who is not an experienced camper.  Peter is about as close as this film has to a hero but he’s a remarkably unlikable hero.  He spends way too much time screaming and whining and crying.  Peter’s girlfriend is Ingrid (Mary Gail Artz) and she’s the type of girlfriend who screams, “Peter!” while Peter tries to hide from the maniac.

It’s an oddly paced film.  The film really ends around the 50 minute mark but there’s about 30 minutes of filler afterwards which pads out of the film’s running time.  The final third of the film is basically footage of the sheriff and his idiot deputies wandering around the Rockies and talking about how they haven’t been able to find anything.  How have they not been able to find anything?  The Maniac makes absolutely no effort to hide his existence.

It’s poorly acted and terribly written and the cinematography is so dark and grainy that it’s sometimes hard to see what’s happening on the screen.  That said, the film features a lot of blood and I imagine that’s why it has something of a cult following.  This is one of those slasher films where it’s obvious that the majority of the budget went to purchasing fake blood and entrails.  Limbs are cut off.  Blood splatters all across the countryside.  The Maniac is truly savage when he attacks and, if the film itself wasn’t so inept, he would be a truly terrifying character.

Don’t Go In The Woods …. Alone was amongst the film that were banned in the UK for being too violent.  I’ve never understood why the censors felt it would be a good idea to refer to these films as being on the “video nasty list.”  Who wouldn’t want to watch a movie called a video nasty?  In the end, the attempts to ban this film are probably the main reason why the film is still remembered today.  It’s certainly not for the film’s quality.