Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 3.10 “Daddy’s Girl” and 3.11 “Family Tree”

Posted on January 21, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, California Dreams is all about family.

Episode 3.10 “Daddy’s Girl”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 19th, 1994)

Tiffani is worried that her father (Rod Arrantis) is lonely being a single man who spends all of his time studying humpback whales. So, she decides to set him up with Ariel (Kristine Sutherland), who is also a humpback enthusiast. (Wait, that sounds weird….) Somewhat distractingly, Ariel is played by the same actress who played Zack Morris’s mother on Saved By The Bell so it’s easy to spend this entire episode wondering if maybe she divorced Derek Morris after Zack graduated from high school and Tiffani and Zack are about to become stepsiblings.

Anyway, things are great at first but then Tiffani gets jealous and tries to break up her father’s relationship by revealing the Ariel has a police record. Unfortunately, Tiffani doesn’t actually bother to take a look at the record before barging in on her father’s date and it turns out that Ariel only has two unpaid parking tickets. Today, of course, Ariel would be thrown in prison for the tickets and locked up while the FBI, CIA, and NSA searched her twitter account for any negative remarks about the government’s COVID policies. However, 1994 was a more libertarian time and everyone on the show understood that parking tickets were no big deal.

After her father ends his relationship to keep Tiffani happy, Tiffani realizes that she was in the wrong. That means that it’s time to save the relationship by singing a song!

The thing that bothers me about this episode is that Tiffani is a hundred times brattier than Lorena was when they all visited Lorena’s father’s ski resort and yet nobody accuses Tiffani of being spoiled. That’s a bit of double standard. That said, there was one funny scene in which a horrified Tony realized that there was nothing that Mr. Smith enjoyed talking about more than humpback whales. “I’ve got to get back to work,” Tony said. “I’ll just tell you about them while you work,” Mr. Smith replies (or words to that effect). It made me laugh.

Episode 3.11 “Family Tree”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 26th, 1994)

For history class, the Dreams are investigating their family trees. Jake reveals that his grandparents were refugees from Eastern Europe. Sam reveals that her ancestors built the Great Wall of China. Lorena turns out to be related to both Benito Juarez and Mario Lopez. Tiffani is forced to research both the Smiths and the Joneses. Amazingly, it appears the genealogical research is so easy that all you have to do is check out a few books from the library.

Tony is upset to discover that his earliest known ancestor was a slave so he makes up a story about being descended from an emperor. Everyone is really impressed. “That’s wonderful, Tony,” the very white teacher announces, “especially since most African-American can’t find anything before the Civil War.” She said it in such a cheerful and condescending manner that it immediately made me think of the incredibly awkward episode of The Love Boat in which Captain Stubing took it upon himself to explain black history to Isaac.

Eventually, Tony is visited by the ghost of one of his ancestors and he finally decides to be honest about his background. This episode was well-intentioned and nowhere near as bad as the infamous Running Zack episode of Saved By The Bell. A bit of the humor was a bit awkward. For a show that was ground-breaking in the diversity of its cast (at least as far as TNBC shows were concerned), a lot of the humor is still based on stereotypes and the same studio audience that cheered Tony for embracing his identity also laughed whenever Lorena spoke Spanish. For the most part, though, this episode worked and it gave William James Jones a chance to do something more than just be the goofy comedic relief.

(Incidentally, I love family tree projects. I’m Irish on my father’s side and Italian/Spanish on my mother’s side.)

Next week, it’s a double dose of Jake as he takes up smoking and considers losing his cool!

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 3.8 “The Princess and the Yeti” and 3.9 “Winkle/Wicks World”

Posted on January 14, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week the Dreams go to Colorado and Public Access Television. To quote Matt Garrison, “Let’s do it!”

Episode 3.8 “The Princess and the Yeti”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 29th, 1994)

The Dreams have left California for Colorado! It’s on temporary, however. They’ve been hired to play at the ski resort that’s owned by Lorena’s father, Mr. Costas (Abraham Alvarez). Lorena is looking forward to skiing and showing off her new outfit. Her father wants her to work the front desk. “I’m allergic to work,” Lorena says, which leads to everyone saying that Lorena is spoiled.

Which is not true at all! Listen, Lorena is on vacation. You don’t work when you’re on vacation. At no point does Lorena’s father say that he’ll pay for Lorena to work the front desk. Instead, he just says, “I need you to work the front desk tonight.” Nah, old man. It doesn’t work like that. I, myself, have been called spoiled enough time to know that everyone is being way too hard on Lorena. Lorena has every right to expect a chance to ski while on a SKI VACATION!

Anyway, Mr. Costas wants to expand his resort but there’s an old man (Sandy Ward) who lives in a cabin and he refuses to move off his property. If the stubborn old man wasn’t bad enough, there’s also a Yeti running around the forest. But what if that Yeti is just a man dressed in a costume? Who would have the motive? Mr. Costas? No, he would be costing himself money by doing that. How about the Old Man? Other than the Dreams, he’s the only other person in this episode.

After Tony gets scared by the Yeti, he runs into the forest. The rest of the Dreams follow him and come across the Old Man’s cabin and his yeti costume. When Mr. Costas finds out, he wants to press charges but the Dreams are like, “He’s just an nice old man!” Yeah, and you’re a bunch of high school kids from California. Your opinion really isn’t that important.

The Dreams get mad at Lorena for not telling her father that the Old Man deserves to stay in his cabin. (Again, I’m not sure how it’s any of their business.) Miffed, Lorena goes skiing alone and injures her knee. The Old Man saves her life and Lorena offers to help pay off whatever money the Old Man is costing her father by working the front desk and not taking an allowance for a year. Mr. Costas agrees and everything works out …. except, of course, Lorena lives in California so how is she going work the front desk of a Colorado resort?

Also, I don’t care how nice the Old Man is. He still dressed up like a Yeti and did a lot of property damage to Mr. Costas’s business. Drag his his ass to jail!

This episode mostly serves to remind us that the California Dreams belong in California and on the beach. It just doesn’t seem right whenever they appear in a different location. It’s like one of those weird episodes of Saved By The Bell: The New Class where the gang all ended up working at a ranch. As much of a misfire as this episode was, I did laugh at the scene where Jake had to wear Lorena’s pink snow jacket while searching for Tony. A few years ago, in the middle of a torrential rain storm, Jeff informed me that he would rather get soaked and risk pneumonia than borrow my hot pink umbrella. What do men have against the color pink?

Anyway, let’s move on!

Episode 3.9 “Winkle/Wicks World”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 12th, 1994)

Tony and Sly get a show on public access TV! What was the deal with people in Peter Engel-produced shows always ending up on Public Access Television? Anyway, The Goo-Ga-Moo Guys becomes a big hit, despite being just a lame Wayne’s World rip-off. (To the show’s credit, Jake refers to show as being a “Wayne’s World rip-off.”) Unfortunately, this means that Tony no longer has time to play drums and Sly no longer has time to manage the band. Lorena takes over as manager and teaches the band how to be classy so that they can play an upper class gig that is, for some reason, being held at Sharky’s.

Anyway, fame goes to Tony and Sly’s heads. In the end, though, they decide that friendship is more important than fame. *Yawn* This is a plot that was used and reused by so many Peter Engel-produced shows that, at times, it seems as if the entire Englverse was an autopilot.

Hopefully, next week’s episodes will encourage us to seek good vibrations and feel mellow.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 3.6 “The Long Goodbye” and 3.7 “Trust Me”

Posted on January 7, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Do surf dudes still have attitude in 2023? I was going to suggest watching California Dreams to find out but, then again, today’s episodes are from 1994 so I guess that wouldn’t really answer the question.

Oh well, onward to the reviews….

Episode 3.6 “The Long Goodbye”

(Dir by Patirck Maloney, originally aired on October 15th, 1994)

In a rare nod to continuity, Nikki Cox returns as Sly’s blind girlfriend, Allison!

Sly is being so nice and considerate to Allison that it leads to Lorena and Sam realizing that Tony and Jake are totally inconsiderate pigs who won’t even hold open a door for them! Instead of changing their ways, Tony and Jake demand that Sly stop being so romantic. Sly, however, is devoted to Allison and he even joins the track team so that he can give her a letterman’s jacket and ask her to be his “exclusive” girlfriend. Allison takes her to Sharky’s to pop the question and attempts to convince her that they’re at a romantic French restaurant by having Tony speak with a French accent. Tony’s accent is terrible. Allison sees right through him….

Unfortunately, Allison is moving away! She’s been accepted at a prep school in Chicago, one that will prepare her to teach blind children. Sly, as usual, acts like a jerk and all of the Dreams gang up on him for being distant with Allison after learning that she’s leaving but honestly, Sly’s reaction was realistic. That doesn’t mean that Sly wasn’t wrong for 1) refusing to return Allison’s calls and 2) trying to go on a date on the same night that Allison was having her going-away party but people do stupid things when their heart is broken. And, just like many people do in real life, Sly eventually saw the error of his ways and he had a rather sweet conversation with Allison at the party. It’s a shame that Allison left the series as Nikki Cox and Michael Cade had a far more believable chemistry than the show’s main couples.

Speaking of which, this episode featured a rather stupid subplot in which Tony and Jake attempted to be more romantic by pretending to be the lead characters of the romance novel that Tiffany is reading. Needless to say, this leads to Renaissance costumes and fencing. It’s pretty dumb (though Jay Anthony Franke and Williams James Jones deserve some credit for the extent to which they threw themselves into it) but it’s also an indication of just how different season 3 of California Dreams was from season 2 of California Dreams.

All that said, this was definitely one of the better episodes of California Dreams and, again, credit for that goes to Michael Cade and Nikki Cox and their ability to bring some much-needed reality to the show’s musical hijinks.

Episode 3.7 “Trust Me”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 22nd, 1994)

Sly has entered the Dreams into a music video contest! The only problem is that Jake and Mark have yet to finish writing the lyrics for the Dreams’s newest song. Maybe they should give Matt Garrison a call and ask for his advice.

Not wanting to visit his creepy uncle, Mark spends the weekend at Lorena’s loft. He and Jake are supposed to be working on the song but Lorena would rather have fun and watch movies! Jake accuses Lorena of being a distraction. Jake and Lorena fight and later, after Jake has gone home for the night, Mark kisses Lorena. Uh-oh!

Mark, it appears, misinterpreted the fight. It turns out that Lorena and Jake fight all the time and it’s actually a huge part of what they enjoy about their relationship. Feeling guilty, Mark writes and then sings a song about how he kissed Lorena. Jake loses it and refuses to perform with Mark. Fortunately, two bullies show up at Sharky’s and try to give Jake a hard time. When Mark stands up to the bullies, it leads to a brawl and a renewed friendship. Yay!

But did the Dreams wins the contest? We never find out.

As for the episode itself, it provided a showcase for the two newest members of the cast and Diana Uribe and Aaron Jackson both did a really good job. I could relate to Lorena because I’ve had the same “You’re a distraction” line tossed at me and it definitely hurts. And Aaron Jackson totally sold the scene where he nervously sang Jake the lyrics about kissing Lorena. All in all, this was another good episode.

Way to go, Dreams!

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 3.4 “Blind Dates” and 3.5 “Yoko, Oh No!”

Posted on December 31, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week is all about romance and total defiance!

Episode 3.4 “Blind Dates”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 1st, 1994)

Oh my God, Sly has been talking to a girl on a brand new thing called the Internet! When he meets Allison (played, quite well, by Nikki Cox), he is shocked to discover that she’s blind. Allison brings out Sly’s rarely seen good side and Allison appreciates that Sly is too much of a jackass to treat her differently just because she’s blind. At first, Sly is worried about taking her to the school dance but then he takes her anyway. Yay!

Meanwhile, Tony and Sam also get on the internet and both of them think that they’ve found their soul mate. But it turns out that they’ve just been talking to each other. By the end of this episode, Tony and Sam have begun their relationship. This is a huge moment in the history of California Dreams because, in the end, Tony and Sam had most (and maybe the only) stable relationship on the show.

Unfortuntely, as we’ll see next week, things wouldn’t last as long for Sly and Allison, which is a shame because Nikki Cox and Michael Cade had tons of onscreen chemistry and they were a sweet couple. Oh well. Such is life.

Episode 3.5 “Yoko, oh no!”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 8th, 1994)

It’s time for another Battle of the Bands!

In this episode, we meets the Dreams’s rival band, Total Defiance. We’re supposed to dislike Total Defiance because they’re constantly making fun of the Dreams and their manager is an obnoxious girl named Rosie who has a crush on Mark Winkle. The thing is that Total Defiance, which appears to be a rap/heavy metal hybrid band, actually does appear to be a lot better than the Dreams. From what little of what we’re allowed to hear from them, their sound is a bit more interesting than the California Dreams. I mean, let’s be honest. The California Dreams did have a few good songs but, for the most part, Rosie has a point when she says that the Dreams are a generic pop band. Jake may wear a leather jacket and talk about being a rebel but, even after Matt Garrison leaves the band that he founded, the Dreams still specialized in coming up with mellow, feel-good tunes that really could have been sung by anyone. Total Defiance was all about taking risks. They were the true rebels!

They were also all about giving the Dreams a hard time. When Rosie dismisses Lorena as just being a “groupie,” Lorena tries to prove them wrong by auditioning for the band. The good thing is that she gets to wear a really pretty dress when she auditions. The bad thing is that she can’t carry a tune. (See? There’s something else that Lorena and I have in common.) Blinded by love, Jake insists that Lorena be allowed to sing with the band. However, when Lorena hears the rest of the band talking about how bad her voice is, she fakes laryngitis so they’ll perform without her. As a result, the Dreams not only win the Battle of the Bands but everyone also learns an important lesson about being honest. Yay!

I liked this episode because it was a Jake and Lorena episode and those are always my favorites. They were a cute couple. That said, Total Defiance should have won the Battle of the Bands and if Tony Manero had been there, he would have handed the trophy to them at the end of the contest.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 3.2 “Follow Your Dreams” and 3.3 “Budget Cuts”

Posted on December 24, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week is all about aptitude tests and radio stations!

Episode 3.2 “Follow Your Dreams”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 17th, 1994)

The school guidance counselor (Christopher Hewett) gives everyone an aptitude test. Mark discovers that he should be a guidance counselor. Tiffani discovers she should be a vet. Tony discovers that he should be a musician. (Way to go, Tony!) Lorena’s ideal career choice is fashion designer. The same is true of Sly, largely because he copied off of Lorena’s test. Jake, meanwhile, is told he should go into arranging flowers.

This comes at a bad time for Jake. He’s been suffering from writer’s block and, when the test says that he has no artistic skills, he considers giving up music. Fortunately, he changes his mind. The Dreams already lost Matt, I doubt they could survive losing Jake.

Meanwhile, Sly briefly becomes Lorena’s boyfriend but that only lasts a day before she discovers that he copied her test. She humiliates Sly by forcing him to dress up like a caveman for a school presentation. (Sly actually looks good as a caveman so it doesn’t quite work.) Fear not. Sly and Lorena will eventually get a second chance in another season or two.

This was a good episode. Tony turning into a pretentious beatboxer was especially amusing.

Episode 3.3 “Budget Cuts”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 24th, 1994)

What was the deal with Peter Engel-produced shows and school radio stations?

Saved By The Bell had a school radio station that was used to help save the Max. City Guys had a radio station that became a major part of the show after Chris and Jamal abandoned work on the video yearbook. Did Hang Time have a school radio station? It honestly would not shock me if they did.

Anyway, California Dreams also has a school radio station and Sly has been named the general manager. Of course, all of the Dreams get programs of their own. Mark becomes a drama critic and upsets Tony by ridiculing his performance as Hamlet. Sam gets a job running an advice show and tells people to go see Mrs. Doubtfire. Jake gets a show called “Shut Up and Listen!” And Lorena does a show about fashion. (“Combats boots are hot but wearing them with tube socks is not.”)

The radio station is a huge success for everyone but Jake. As Sly points out, people don’t want to be told to shut up and listen. When Jake refuses to change his format, Sly fires him. The audience gasps. One scene later, Principal Blumford (played by character actor Earl Boen), enters the radio station and announces that the school board has decided to cut funding for the radio station!

I’m sure you can guess what happens next. Lorena, Tiffani, and Sam want to start a petition to save the station. Jake ridicules them for not being “real rebels” so Lorena proves him wrong by locking herself in the radio station and broadcasting without authorization. Jake is so impressed that he not only makes out with Lorena (on the air) but he also attends a school board meeting and successfully argues that the station is important. Jake wears a suit to the meeting. The audience goes crazy. The episode ends with him and Lorena declaring their love for each other while everyone else celebrates the fact that the radio station has been saved.

This is actually my second time to review this episode. The first time I reviewed it, I think I was a little bit dismissive but I better appreciated it this time. Some of that’s because I’ve been watching One World, a show in which the cast had absolutely no chemistry. After watching something like One World or some of the lesser episodes of City Guys, it’s easier to see just how well the cast of California Dreams played off of each other. They’re believable as friends and bandmates and that definitely adds something to the show, regardless of how broad some of the humor may be.

The highlight of this episode? Lorena calling Jake “fake Fonzi.” What made it work was that Jake responded by saying, “Heeeey.” A close second would be Principal Blumford announcing, “I’ll be back,” which was a nice shoutout to Earl Boen’s role in The Terminator franchise.

Next week …. more music!

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 3.7 “Ebony & Ivory” and 3.8 “Reluctant Hero”

Posted on December 22, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Last week’s episodes of City Guys were actually pretty good. Let’s see if it continues this week!

Episode 3.7 “Ebony & Ivory”

(dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 9th, 1999)

Jamal’s dating a white girl! Kristen Jones (Amy Leland) is the daughter of a deputy mayor who pretends to be all progressive about race but who is actually a racist who doesn’t want Kristen dating a black guy. But Jamal has asked Kristen to the latest school dance. Chris agrees to pretend to be Kristen’s date but, when Kristen leaves her purse at the house, her father comes to the dance and catches Chris making out with his actual date, Sarah (Natalie Austin). Racist old Mr. Jones makes a big deal about the world not being ready for interracial relationships. Ms. Nobel and the students tell him off.

This episode had a good message but it was somewhat sabotaged by the fact that Kristen appeared to be in her early 30s and seemed to be too old to be dating anyone in high school, regardless of what race they may be. As well, the actress playing Kristen delivered her lines in a somewhat creepy monotone. For that matter, so did the actor playing her father and the actress playing Chris’s date. All of the guest actors were so stiff and unconvincing in their performances that this episode took on an odd Twilight Zone sort of feel. I found myself wondering if maybe Manny High had been transported to planet full of androids.

Interestingly enough, Chris spent the previous episode talking about how much he loved Cassidy but, even after it was revealed that she still didn’t have a date, Chris never asked her to the dance. Instead, Cassidy discovered the L-Train also didn’t have a date so she agreed to go with him. Dawn and Al, meanwhile, also discovered that neither one of them could get a date so they went together. It fit into the show’s message about interracial relationships and that’s a good thing but, at the same time, it also felt a bit forced. L-Train is the president of the student body and apparently a pretty popular guy. Cassidy usually has a new boyfriend every week. Since when have any of these characters ever had difficulty getting a date?

Episode 3.8 “Reluctant Hero”

(dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 9th, 1999)

In order to combat crime, Ms. Nobel decides to appoint L-Train, Al, Dawn, and Cassidy as hall monitors. L-Train and Al end up taking bribes in the form of brownies and Philly cheesesteaks. Whatever. It’s stupid. Let’s move on to the main story.

Along with turning her students into narcs, Ms. Nobel also decides that the school needs a self-defense class. Coming in to teach the class is Yvonne and …. OH MY GOD! It’s Lorena from California Dreams! That’s right, Diana Uribe plays Yvonne and naturally, both Chris and Jamal fall for her. (“She’s got a black belt in hot!” Chris exclaims.) Yvonne agrees to go on a date with Jamal but — uh oh! — Jamal’s been grounded. Jamal goes on the date anyway and, afterwards, he sees a man being mugged. Using his self-defense training, Jamal knocks the mugger out. But — oh no! — now his dad will know that he went out when he was grounded. Jamal convinces Chris to take credit for knocking out the mugger.

Chris is declared to be a hero. Jamal gets jealous, especially after the Mayor — THE MAYOR! — shows up at the diner to give Chris an award. (No one asks the mayor anything about the deputy mayor who is opposed to interracial relationships.) Jamal gets upset when Chris accepts the award but honestly, I have no sympathy for Jamal. Jamal’s the one who told Chris to take credit for knocking out the mugger. Anyway, after Chris has an attack of conscience and declines to accept the award, Jamal confesses that he disobeyed his father. While he does so, everyone in the diner watches him. I can only imagine how awkward it would be to witness something like that in real life.

This episode made me yell a lot because it was pretty stupid but, on the plus side, Lorena was always the California Dreams character to whom I most related so it was good to see Diana Uribe beating up the cast of City Guys. They should have made her a regular.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 2.18 “Indecent Promposal” and 3.1 “The Unforgiven”

Posted on December 17, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Finally, it’s time for season 3 and the Lorena Years! But, first, we’ve got one final season 2 episode to get out of the way….

Episode 2.18 “Indecent Promposal”

(Dir by Miguel Higeura, originally aired on February 5th, 1994)

Both the 2nd season and the school year are coming to an end! That means that it’s time for prom!

Tiffani can’t wait to go to the prom. Jake thinks the prom is stupid. When Glenn, one of Tiffani’s patients from her days as a candystriper, offers to take Tiffani to the prom as a friend and to arrange for the Dreams to have a permanent summer gig, Tiffani reluctantly agrees. Jake, however, can’t shake the feeling that Glenn is going to try to make a move on Tiffani, which is just what Glenn does. Glenn kisses Tiffani. Tiffany rejects Glenn. However, Jake (who has decide to come to the prom afterall), witnesses the kiss and he gets so upset that he and Tiffani break up. This would be a big emotional moment if there had been any consistency, during season 2, as to when Tiffani and Jake were actually dating. Since the episodes were shown out of order, Tiffani and Jake would be a couple one week and then single the next. As a result, it never really seemed like Jake and Tiffani were together in the first place.

The prom didn’t work out. That’s too bad. Fortunately, season 3 is right around the corner!

Episode 3.1 “The Unforgiven”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 10th, 1994)

Finally! The third season has begun! And with it, we get a new title sequence:

This is the season that marked the beginning of what most people consider to be classic California Dreams. Frustrated with his diminished role on the series, Brent Gore declined to return for season 3. As a result, Matt was written out of the series with the excuse that the Garrisons moved. The California Dreams soldiered on without him, with Jake now at the center of the band and the show.

When the Garrisons left, foreign exchange student Sam moved in with the Costa family and became best friends with my favorite character on the show, Lorena. Lorena Costa (played by Diana Uribe) is the character to whom I most relate on this show. We’re both of Spanish descent. (My grandmother was born in Spain.) We’ve both got good hair. We both love to dance. We both tend to refer to ourselves in the third person. Lorena’s the best character ever!

Lorena is willing to allow the Dreams to practice in her loft but the Dreams still have two huge problems. They don’t have a replacement for Matt. And they need $500 to get their equipment back from a pawnshop. Why is their equipment at a pawnshop? I’m not sure but somehow, it’s Sly’s fault.

Fortunately, Sly has a solution. His musically gifted cousin, Mark (Aaron Jackson), has moved to California. Unfortunately, Mark has never forgiven Sly for ruining a performance that he was giving at Carnegie Hall. Apparently, Mark was playing the William Tell Overture and Sly yelled, “Hi-ho, Silver, away!” The only way to get Mark to forgive Sly is for Mark to give the performance again without Sly ruining things. Unfortunately, for reasons that are never exactly clear, Sly once again yells, “Hi-ho, Silver, away!”

Well, I guess that’s it for the Dreams, right? Unfortunately, Sly has booked the Dreams to play at a party being given by one of Lorena’s friends. With Mark refusing to join the Dreams, Lorena’s friend’s boyfriend is planning on beating up Sly. To save his cousin’s life, Mark agrees to forgive Sly, join the Dreams, and play the party with them.

I have to admit that I’m a little surprised that it took the Dreams that long to find a replacement for Matt. Considering that the Dreams already had a following at the end of the second season, I would imagine they would have a lot of people wanting to join the band. Maybe they’re all scared of getting on Jake’s bad side. Well, no matter. Things work out in the end!

As for the episode itself, it succeeds in doing what it needed to do. It introduces the viewers to Lorena and Mark and let’s everyone know what the show’s new direction is going to be. The humor is overly broad but the cast has genuine chemistry and Michael Cade’s portrayal of Sly attempting to fake sincerity while apologizing is genuinely funny.

I’m looking forward to the rest of season 3!

What Lisa and Megan Watched Last Night #95: California Dreams 3.10 “Daddy’s Girl” (dir by Patrick Maloney)

Posted on December 1, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I’ve been spending the weekend visiting my sister Megan and her family. Last night, Megan and I watched yet another episode of the mediocre yet oddly entertaining 90s sitcom, California Dreams.

Why Were We Watching It?

So, last night, after everyone else in the house was sound asleep, Megan and I were awake and doing some sisterly bonding, which — when you’re a member of the Bowman clan — usually concludes with watching something silly.

But what to watch? Because I have the greatest big sister in the world, Megan happens to have every season of Saved By The Bell: The New Class on DVD and, at first, I was really tempted to suggest that we watch something from the storied history of Bayside High. But, when I actually thought about it, I knew that we simply had to watch yet another episode of California Dreams.

Last night, we watched a handful of episodes but I specifically decided to review the “Daddy’s Girl” episode because it was the episode that preceded the Family Trees episode, which just happens to also be the last episode of the show that I reviewed for this site.

(As some of our regular readers my remember, it’s been nearly a year since Megan first introduced me to this show when, during the Christmas holidays, we sat down and watched the 4th season episode, Dancing Isn’t Everything. )

What Was It About?

Future steroid addict Tiffani Smith (Kelly Packard) is worried because her father has been alone ever since her parents got divorced. (I assume that the Smiths got divorced though it’s never specifically stated, beyond Mr. Smith saying, “Ever since your mother left…” So, it’s entirely possible that Tiffani’s mom may have joined a cult or something.) Tiffani arranges for her father to meet Ariel (Kristine Sutherland), a woman who claims to be an expert in dolphins. Mr. Smith and Ariel hit it off and, at first, Tiffani is super excited!

However, Mr. Smith is soon spending all of him time hanging out with Ariel and a jealous Tiffani ends up having one of those extremely elaborate and plot-specific nightmares that always seem to happen on California Dreams. So, with the help of Ariel’s criminal record, Tiffani breaks up her dad’s new relationship.

Problem solved, right?

Nope. Now that Mr. Smith is alone again, Tiffani feels guilty and seriously, you have to wonder if there’s ever been a more wishy-washy character than Tiffani Smith. So, Tiffani tries to get Ariel and Mr. Smith back together by singing them a song.

Meanwhile, in the B plot, Mark (Aaron Jackson) has come up with a computer program that tells Samantha (Jennie Kwan), Tony (William James Jones), Jake (Jay Anthony Franke), and Lorena (Diana Uribe) that none of them are compatible. Since this was made in the 1990s, everyone automatically believes anything determined by a computer to be true and, as a result, there are mass breakups.

What Worked?

As soon as Ariel first stepped into Sharky’s, Megan and I immediately exclaimed, “Buffy!” That’s because Ariel was played by Kristine Sutherland who is better known for playing Joyce Summers, the mother of Buffy the Vampire Slayer! This, of course, led to Megan and I imagining a scenario where Tiffani’s dad turned out to be a vampire and Buffy had to destroy him. That was a lot of fun.

I thought it was funny just how terrified Tony was of having to listen to Mr. Smith talk about humpback whales. It made me smile.

What Did Not Work?

To be honest, this episode really had a pretty bad message and I’m glad that I didn’t see it whenever it originally aired because it probably would have given me a lot of false hope. Tiffani’s father goes out with Ariel because Tiffani wants him to. He breaks up with Ariel because Tiffani wants him to. And then, eventually, they get back together again because Tiffani is really sorry and really wants everything to be better.

This episode takes place in a world where a daughter can heal a broken family just through sheer willpower and desire. It’s a world where, even if that daughter screws everything up, all she has to do is let everyone know how sorry she is and then sing a pretty song and magically, everything will be better. It would be nice if that was true but it’s not and that’s one of the hardest lessons to learn when you’re young and convinced that, since everything is somehow your fault, you’re also capable of fixing it all and making everyone happy again.

On a less serious note, do the members of the California Dreams ever do anything other than eat? Seriously! Almost every episode seems to feature them whining about how they don’t have any money and yet, they spend all of their time at Sharky’s eating. If Mark is really struggling financially, maybe he shouldn’t have ordered that expensive desert.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

As usual, I related to Lorena because she had really pretty hair and the best fashion sense of anyone on the show. Plus, I’ve got a weakness for bad boys who wear big, bulky jackets.

As I told Megan last night, much like Tiffani, I also spent a lot of my teenage years wishing that I could sing a song that would somehow make everything better.

“Lisa Marie,” Megan said, “that’s sweet but you know you can’t sing.”

And she’s right. I can’t carry a tune to save my life.

Lessons Learned

Humpback whales are boring.

What Lisa and Evelyn Watched Last Night #89: California Dreams 3.11 “Family Trees” (dir by Patrick Maloney)

Posted on September 11, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, my BFF Evelyn and I watched yet another old episode of California Dreams.

Why Were We Watching It?

As I’ve explained before, my sister Megan got me hooked on this silly old show called California Dreams last Christmas. For whatever reason, I continue to find myself oddly intrigued by this mediocre 90s sitcom. While I was on my vacation last week, it occurred to me that it had been a while since I last shared and reviewed an episode of California Dreams on this site so I resolved that, as soon as I got back, one of the first things I would do would be to remedy that situation.

As for how Ms. Evelyn ended up watching it with me — well, Evelyn’s a very good friend.

What Was It About?

It’s time for another wacky class assignment! Since the members of the California Dreams all have the exact same class schedule, that means that they all get the same assignment: to research their family trees.

All the Dreams discover that they come from distinguished backgrounds, except for Tony who opens up one book to one random page and, after spending less than a minute reading, announces: “My ancestors were slaves!”

So, Tony claims to be descended from royalty and, because everyone at Pacific Coast High School is an idiot, they’re soon carrying him around on their shoulders and talking about setting up a royal harem.

Things are looking pretty good for Tony but then, as often happens on this show, a ghost visits him during the night and sets him straight.

What Worked?

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m usually pretty lenient when it comes to judging old episodes of California Dreams. After all, it was made back in the 90s and, especially when compared to something like Saved By The Bell: The New Class, the members of the cast did the best that they could with the material they were given.

But seriously, of all the episodes that I’ve viewed on YouTube so far, Family Trees is without a doubt the worst. Good intentions aside, absolutely nothing worked in this episode.

Strangely enough, however, the fact that it is so truly bad makes this episode oddly fascinating. The fact that nothing works is what makes this episode watchable.

What Did Not Work?

Where to begin?

Okay, first off — I understand that this show was probably written with the best of intentions but are we to seriously believe that, before getting this particular class assignment, Tony apparently had no idea about the history of slavery in the United States?

Secondly, who could have guessed that all you had to do to research your family history was check out a book from the library and then open it up to a random page?

Third, Tony getting visited by the ghost of an ancestor reminded me of the fact that, just a few episodes later, Sam would be visited by the ghost of an ancestor! One gets the idea that the show’s writers were perhaps running out of ideas.

Fourth, what is the deal with the lack of classrooms at the high school? I swear, every class that they take seems to be located in that same tiny classroom.

Fifth, the Dreams did not perform during this episode. Couldn’t they have written a special “Be Yourself” song in order to make Tony feel better about himself? It seems selfish not to.

However, this episode’s biggest problem was pointed out by Evelyn when she said, “Why is everyone at that school so easily impressed?” And, seriously, she is so totally right.

Let’s say that one day, Arleigh informed me that he was descended from royalty. Would that cause me to treat him any differently? Well, of course, it would! I mean, who isn’t impressed by royalty? (Myself, I consider Pippa Middleton to be my royal role model.) However, eventually, I would stop calling him “your highness” and begging him to say stuff like, “I declare him to be an outlawwwwwwwwwww!” and things would get back to normal here at the Shattered Lens. However, the students at PCHS are so impressed by Tony’s claim to be descended from a king that they immediately form some sort of odd cult of personality.

And why, if they’re so impressed by Tony’s claim to royal lineage, are they not impressed by the fact that Lorena is legitimately descended from power?

Seriously, that school sucks.

“OMG! Just like me!” Moments

As usual, I related so much to Lorena that I’m tempted to think that my cousin might be Mario Lopez.

(As far as my family tree is concerned, I am of Irish-Italian-Spanish-German ancestry, with a bit of French mixed in there as well. If I was in that class, they’d have to set aside an entire week for me to give my full report.)

Lessons Learned

Surf dudes with attitude are kinda groovy. Especially when they’re feeling mellow…

What Lisa and Evelyn Watched Last Night #82: California Dreams 3.16 “The Treasure of PCH” (directed by Patrick Maloney)

Posted on June 8, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, my BFF Evelyn and I watched yet another episode of the 90s sitcom, California Dreams.

Why Were We Watching It?

As I’ve mentioned in my previous posts about California Dreams, I started watching this show because all of the old episodes of Saved By The Bell: The New Class were taken down from YouTube.

Actually, last night was my fourth or fifth time to watch this particular episode. For the past few weeks, I’ve been meaning to do a write-up on The Treasure of PCH and each time, I’ve ended up not having time to get it written. However, since this feature is called What Lisa Watched Last Night, that meant that each day I tried to write this review, I also had to rewatch the episode the night before. Last night, as I sat through the Treasure of PCH for yet another time, I promised myself that I would not let this day end without writing the review you’re currently reading.

Evelyn was watching with me because I asked her too and she’s the best! That said, she did say that she’s never going to forgive me for making her watch this episode. (Then again, she said that after the last episode we watched, as well…)

What Was It About?

Fueled by their mellow take on California reggae (yeah yeah yeah), the California Dreams are rich! Well, they’re not really rich but they are making more money than they’ve ever made before. Lorena (Diane Uribe) is concerned that the Dreams are getting greedy. Jake (Jay Anthony Franke) argues that the Dreams don’t care about money.

Jake’s belief is touching but rather odd, especially when you consider the fact that, in the previous episode, the Dreams dishonored the memory of Sam’s (Jennie Kwan) grandmother in order to make money and the fact that, in the very next episode, Tiffani (Kelly Packard) would be driven to abuse steroids in order to make money. In fact, just about every episode of California Dreams seems to be about the Dreams doing something weird and/or stupid to make money.

Maybe Jake just isn’t that smart.

Anyway, Lorena bets Jake that greed can tear people apart. They proceed to come up with a plan to test everyone’s loyalty. Will the Dreams prove Jake right or will they behave in the exact same way that they behave in every other episode of this show?

What Worked?

I always enjoy the Lorena-centric episodes, just because Lorena’s the character that I tend to have the most in common with.

I actually appreciated the fact that Lorena and Jake’s plan fell apart because they made a fairly believable mistake. Admittedly, it’s a pretty stupid mistake but, for the most part, this episode is about people acting stupid.

“Gotta find the money…gotta find the money…” I have to admit that I laughed at that. That said, for someone so intent on finding the money, Sly (Michael Cade) didn’t really seem to be looking as much as he was just randomly running about.

“DIAMONDS!” Jay Anthony Franke’s delivery of this line was so over-the-top that it was oddly charming.

What Did Not Work?

“Surf dude with attitudes…” Seriously, the blandness of that song never ceases to amaze me. (And who is that old guy fishing?)

It’s difficult to take the show’s lesson seriously when that lesson is more or less dependent upon everyone acting like a total idiot.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

Since this episode was pretty much dependent upon everyone acting like a total and complete idiot, I would like to say that there weren’t any “Oh my God! Just like me!” moments in the entire show.

However, I do really like diamonds…

Lessons Learned

Greed can tear apart even the best friendships…or something like that.