David Ripley | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the bicycle cops screw up again.

Episode 3.17 “House Party”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on February 1st, 1997)

One of the one more entertaining things about Pacific Blue is witnessing how bad the bicycle cops actually are at their job.

I don’t think that was intentional on the part of the show. I think the show meant for us to watch TC, Palermo, and Victor on their bikes and think to ourselves, “Those are the men that I want protecting me!” However, the narrative demands of an hour show required that the bike cops always screw up in some way, whether it’s failing to catch the bad guys the first time that they commit a crime or suspecting the wrong guy while working undercover or just letting their personal lives get in the way of their professional judgment. Combine that with some bad scripts and a group of actors who struggled with showing any emotion beyond grim annoyance and you have a show about cops who are not only incompetent but also kind of rude.

That’s certainly the case with this week’s episode. Not only do they allow an escaped murderer (Currie Graham) to grab a gun and take over the station but then TC proceeds to spend almost the entire episode arguing with Palermo and the SWAT team because Chris is among those being held hostage on the inside. When the cops realize that the murderer’s girlfriend is somewhere on the beach, they put Cory in a chicken uniform and have her walk around pretending to hand out flyers for a restaurant. “Chickelicous,” Cory says as she walks along the beach. Of course, the murder’s girlfriend spots her and taking off running. Guess what? It’s not easy to chase someone when you’re dressed like a chicken! Seriously, I can understand trying to maintain some element of surprise but why would they put Coy in a costume that severely limits her mobility?

Anyway, this was a hostage episode, which means that almost whole thing was the hostage taker barking orders while the hostages either cowered in fear or tried to stalk some sense into him and the members of his gang. Episodes about hostage situations are almost always incredibly dull and this episode was no exception. In the end, Victor — who was in the station when the situation started and managed to go unseen by the hostage takers — was there to do his John McClane thing. All of the bad guys died. The hostages were freed. The bike patrol’s main concern was that Chris was okay. I would probably be offended if I was one of the civilian hostages. Just because their friend is okay doesn’t excuse the incompetence that led to the situation in the first place.

Eh. Just another day in L.A., I guess.

This week, the Daystalker stalks wherever it is that this show takes place.

Episode 2.2 “Daystalker”

(Dir by Don Michael Paul, originally aired on August 24th, 1996)

After his girlfriend Sandy (Cindy Ambuehl) is assaulted by a serial rapist, TC becomes obsessed with tracking the so-called Daystalker down. Detective Bonnie Wilson (Gwen McGee), sent to the beach to head up the investigation, thinks that the Daystalker is going to eventually move on from rape to murder. She also thinks that TC is a loose cannon who is going to spook the Daystalker into moving to another city before he can be captured and prosecuted for his crimes. Cory is set up as a decoy and soon finds herself being followed by the Daystalker. Meanwhile, the terribly traumatized Sandy struggles with PTSD.

And, while that’s going on, Elvis and Victor try to get a Rastafarian to take a hex off of them!

This episode epitomizes one of the things that really bugs me out Pacific Blue. On the one hand, we have a very serious storyline about a serial rapist and one of his traumatized victims. A scene where Sandy has to leave a self-defense class because it’s triggers a flashback is a powerful and honest moment, certainly more powerful than anything you would expect to see on a show like Pacific Blue. On the other hand, we have this totally cartoonish subplot about a random Rastafarian putting a hex on Elvis and Victor. At a time when the entire bike patrol is supposed to be out looking for a serial rapist who has assaulted their best friend’s girlfriend, Victor and Chris are laughing because Elvis thinks the hex is making his hair fall out. Never mind the stupidity of the hex plot. Tonally, the two plots don’t go together. With this episode, Pacific Blue reveals that it still doesn’t know if it wants to be a gritty crime drama or just Baywatch on bicycles.

This could have been a very strong episodes. There were moments and lines of dialogue that really stood out for being considerably more thoughtful than one might expect from this show. But it was still an episode of Pacific Blue, which means that the camera still lingered on random women in bikinis and way too much time was spent on TC saying, “I have to do something!” Only TC could make his girlfriend’s rape about himself and only Pacific Blue would let him get away with that.

Even when they’re dealing with a serious issue as they did for half of this episode, it’s hard to escape the fact that these people are bicycle cops. The bicycles, the crisp white shirts, the shorts …. it just makes it hard to them seriously. This was yet another episode where a lot of time was spent with Palermo and TC explaining that bike cops are real cops. We’re at the start of the second season here. If you’re still having to justify your existence at this point, you’re never going to do it.