Claire Coffee | Through the Shattered Lens

I have to admit that, when it comes to people spitting things up, I’m kind of a wimp. It’s something that I typically have a hard time watching. It’s one reason why, in college, I usually left the room if someone had too much to drink. I seriously didn’t want to be there when that person started throwing up a combination of beer and nacho cheese. I mean, bleh!

So, Blocks was not always easy for me to watch. Blocks is a 12-minute comedy about Ashleigh (Claire Coffee), the mother of two young children who, one day, starts to vomit up toy blocks. Now, fortunately, the film doesn’t get particularly graphic when it comes to the vomiting. Usually, we only see the aftermath, which is often Claire lying on the floor, exhausted and surrounded by toy blocks while her children (and sometimes, her husband) knock on the bathroom door and demand to know why she’s not spending time with them. Ashleigh can’t tell anyone about the toy blocks, of course. She just pretends like the family has always owned the toy blocks that are mysteriously appearing around the house. Her children refuse to play with them. Eventually, Ashleigh finds a use for them.

As I said, I’m a wimp when it comes to people vomiting but still, Blocks was a well-done and frequently funny film. In her introduction to the film, director Bridget Moloney says that the film was based on her own feelings and experiences as a mother and I think anyone who has ever been stuck in a house with two hyperactive, inquisitive kids will be able to relate to Ashleigh’s feeling of being overwhelmed. Before I watched Blocks, I was going through one of my “I really want to start a family now!” phases. Having watched it, I now think that maybe I should wait a year or two because, seriously — if I can’t handle someone vomiting legos, I don’t know how I’ll be able to handle all of the disgusting stuff that toddlers do.

Blocks, like many other films that were going to be shown at this year’s SXSW festival, is currently available on Amazon for a limited time.

So, it probably seemed like a good idea at the time.

Greg (Matt Dallas) has got a nice life and lives in a nice house and he’s got a happy family. He’s married to Katie (Claire Coffee) and he’s got two teenage children who live at home, Lauren (Lauren DiMario) and Tommy (Liam Obergfoll). However, Greg also has another teenage daughter out there, Samantha (Jordan Lana Price). Greg was never in Samantha’s life when she younger so why not make up for lost time by inviting her to come live with him, his wife, and her half-siblings?

I mean, what could possibly go wrong, right?

From the minute that Samantha moves in, there are hints that all might not be ideal with the situation. Samantha is moody and frequently loses her temper. When Tommy gets his first car, Samantha gets angry and demands to know why she’s never been given a car. When its pointed out to her that Tommy’s been working hard to earn the car, Samantha accuses Greg and Katie of making her feel like an outsider and, to be honest, she actually does have a point. I mean, if you’re going to invite someone to come live in your house as a permanent member of the family, maybe don’t make a big deal about how everyone but her is going to get a car. It’s just common sense.

Meanwhile, all the boys at the high school are fascinated by Samantha, which makes Lauren feel even more insecure than usual. Samantha alternates between pressuring Lauren to hook up with a shallow jock named Milo (Will Tomi) and trying to drown Lauren in the swimming pool. “Didn’t any of you see her holding me under the water!?” Lauren demands. “No,” her friends, “because you were under water.”

Greg’s response is to spoil Samantha, hoping to win her love and maybe some peace. Katie thinks that Samantha needs some discipline. As for Samantha …. well, she’s just planning on killing everyone. Hence, the title of the film.

Let’s talk about that title because I really like it. A Daughter’s Plan To Kill tells you everything that you need to know about this film but there’s also a wonderfully sordid bluntness about it. There’s no ambiguity to be found in this title. This daughter doesn’t have a “secret” or a “hidden past,” or any of that. No, she has a “plan to kill.” As a pretty well-organized person myself, I always appreciate someone who has a plan.

Anyway, plotwise, A Daughter’s Plan To Kill is pretty much a standard Lifetime evil family member film. You know that Samantha’s bad as soon as she shows up and you spend most of the film amazed that no one else seems to have figured it out yet. That said, the film’s definitely an entertaining example of the genre and Jordan Lana Price seems to be having a lot of fun in the role of Samantha. Samantha may be evil but she’s evil with just enough style to be entertaining.