Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.20 “Tow Truck Lady”

Posted on May 12, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

Larry Wilcox sits in the director’s chair for this week’s episode!

Episode 3.20 “Tow Truck Lady”

(Dir by Larry Wilcox, originally aired on February 9th, 1980)

Danny (Chris Robinson) is a tow truck driver who is short on cash, in debt to a loan shark, and being forced to pay off his debt by stealing cars for the mob. Danny happens to be friends with Ponch and Jon. Ponch and Jon take it upon themselves to look after Danny’s daughter, Marla (Tonya Crowe), while Danny is out working. Of course, Danny is actually committing crimes during that time.

This was one of those episodes where a guest character, whom we’ve never seen before, suddenly becomes the main character and it throws off the entire episode. The majority of the episode is Danny arguing with the loan shark and Marla acting precocious. Jon and Ponch weren’t really that involved, until the big chase at the end of the episode. I guess it makes sense. Larry Wilcox was busy directing and I imagine Wilcox was probably more than happy to have a chance to point the camera at someone other than at Erik Estrada. From what I’ve read, the two co-stars may have played best friends but they couldn’t stand each other in real life. Wilcox apparently felt that the producers always sided with Estrada and it is impossible to deny that the show, which began with Baker and Ponch evenly matched, had become the Ponch Show by the time the third season rolled around.

(I should note that this episode does feature a pretty exciting highway smash-up, featuring cars flying through the air in slow motion. I always love that slo mo of doom!)

In the end, Danny does the right thing and turns on the loan shark. The loan shark is arrested. So is Danny. Baker says that he’ll arrange for Marla to live with his friend, Ellen (Liberty Godshall), until Danny gets out of prison. It’s entirely probable that Marla is going to be traumatized for the rest of her life but Ponch and Baker still share a good laugh at the end of the episode. Being a member of the Highway Patrol is fun!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.11 “The Songwriter/Queen of Soaps”

Posted on April 8, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, things get a bit soapy on Fantasy Island.

Episode 6.11 “The Songwriter/Queen of Soaps”

(Dir by Philip Leacock, originally aired on January 22nd, 1983)

Dan O’Dwyer (Anson Williams) is the grandson of composer, Jeremy Todd (David Cassidy). Todd was a important figure during New York’s tin pan alley days but, in 1983, he’s a nearly forgotten figure. He died in World War I and there are some people who claim that Todd didn’t actually write the songs that he’s been credited with. Dan’s fantasy is to go back into the past so that he can meet his grandfather and bring some of his compositions back to the present day. Mr. Roarke makes it clear that Dan cannot tell anyone that he’s from the future nor can he try to change history. Jeremy Todd is going to die no matter what.

Dan agrees and he goes back to the past. He meets his grandfather and they get along famously. Dan even finds what he’s looking for, the compositions that prove that Jeremy wrote his own songs. However, Dan also meets and falls in love with a singer named Carol (Donna Pescow). Dan may have what he wants but he’s going to lose the love of his life once the fantasy ends.

Except …. what if Carol is someone with a fantasy of her own? That’s right, Carol’s another guest on the Island! I can’t say that I was surprised by this because this is a twist that the show has used several times. Still, Anson Williams and Donna Pescow made for a cute couple and even David Cassidy wasn’t as annoying as usual in the role of Jeremy Todd. This was a good fantasy.

And hey, the second fantasy was pretty good as well! Gina Edwards (Susan Lucci) is a soap opera star who worries that she’s being taken over by Andrea, the evil character that she plays on her show. The audience loves it when Andrea is wicked and dangerous but the pressure of playing a character so unlike herself is getting to Gina. She fears that she is literally going to turn into Andrea and perhaps harm her husband, Jeff (Chris Robinson). Jeff is also the director of the show so a lot of the pressure that Gina is feeling is coming from him. Fortunately, Mr. Roarke is able to show Gina and Jeff that they are both just working too hard. They decide to take a step back and just enjoy life.

This fantasy was fun. It was not only about a soap opera but it paid homage to daytime melodrama as well. (Tattoo, it turned out, was a huge fan of the show.) Susan Lucci, not surprisingly, was totally convincing as a soap opera diva. This fantasy had some enjoyably creepy moments and also a few humorous ones. It was everything you could want from Fantasy Island.

This was a great trip to the Island!

The Long Rope (1961, directed by William Whitney)

Posted on November 10, 2020 by Jedadiah Leland

The time is the late 19th century and there’s been a murder in the territory of New Mexico. Someone has gunned down Jim Matthews (Steve Welles) and store owner Manuel Alvarez (John Alonzo) has been arrested. Everyone in town says that Jim was fooling around with Manuel’s beautiful wife, Alicia (Lisa Montell). Manuel insists that he’s innocent but Jim was the brother of the town’s most powerful and richest land owner, Ben Matthews (Robert J. Wilke). Ben is already having a gallows built so that Manuel can be hanged in the town square and it doesn’t look like there’s anything that Sheriff John Millard (Alan Hale, Jr. — yes, the Skipper) can do to stop him.

However, Federal Judge Jonas Stone (Hugh Marlowe) is determined to make sure that Manuel gets a fair trial. When it becomes obvious that the Matthews family has no intention of letting that happen, Judge Stone launches his own investigation. Believing Manuel to be innocent, Stone knows that he has to find the real killer before the gallows are built and Manuel is lynched by the mob.

A low-budget western with a 61-minute running time, The Long Rope is a surprisingly adult western, one that comes out strongly and directly against both lynching and the town’s racism. With the Matthews family representing the brutal “old ways,” and Judge Stone representing a more enlightened and fair system of justice, it’s up to the town to decide who they will follow. Hugh Marlowe brings a lot of gravitas to his role as the stern but compassionate Judge Stone while Lisa Montell makes a strong impression as Manuel’s rebellious wife. Robert J. Wilke is an effective villain and even Alan Hale, Jr. gives a good performance once you stop thinking of him as being the Skipper.

One final note of interest: John A. Alonzo, who played Manuel in The Long Rope, went on to become an award-winning cinematographer. Among Alonzo’s credits, as a cinematographer: Harold and Maude, Chinatown, The Bad News Bears, Black Sunday, Scarface, Norma Rae, and Close Encounters of Third Kind.

Embracing the Melodrama Part II #24: The Diary of a High School Bride (dir by Burt Topper)

Posted on April 15, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I always enjoy it when a film opens with a message statement that announces that it was made to shine the light on one of “today’s most controversial subjects.” Even better is when that message statement states that the film could be my story or that it could serve as a warning to people like me about what might happen.

Of course, it’s too late for me to be warned. I’m not in high school anymore. I’ve already made my decisions and had to deal with the consequences of my mistakes and all the other melodrama that makes life interesting. But I can watch a film like 1959’s The Diary Of A High School Bride and I can read the message statement at the beginning and I can think to myself, “If only I had seen this movie before I decided to sneak out that night and drink alcohol or smoke weed or let my boyfriend take pictures of me naked or have sex with a married man or rob a convenience store or read that forbidden book or become a bride of Cthulhu or agree to spy for the communists or whatever the Hell it was that I did that night!” If only…

Actually, it probably wouldn’t have made much of a difference. Life doesn’t come with a message statement and whenever I see one at the beginning of a film, it usually makes me less likely to take that film seriously. In fact, I tend to seek out films the open with message statements because they’re usually a lot of fun.

Take The Diary of a High School Bride, which is silly in a way that only an American International Pictures youth film could be. The film opens with 25 year-old law student Steve (Ron Foster) driving home from Las Vegas with his new wife, 17 year-old Judy (Anita Sands). When Steve gets pulled over by a police officer, Judy starts to tremble in terror. When the cops asks Judy how old she is, she lies that she’s 21 and then starts to cry. When the police officer asks if she’s really married to Steve, she wails, “Yes, and this record proves it!” At this point, she holds up a vinyl record.

However, a vinyl record is not the only thing that Judy has. She also has a teddy bear and oh my God, she literally carries that teddy bear with her everywhere! When she and Steve tell her parents, she has the teddy bear. When she wails at them, “AND NO — I’M NOT PREGNANT!,” she has the teddy bear. When she and Steve go out to a coffeehouse and listen to some pretty good flamenco music, Judy has that teddy bear. When they get back to Steve’s apartment and Judy finally see Steve with his shirt unbuttoned, Judy drops the teddy bear on the floor.

Why are Steve and Judy married? That’s never really made clear. They have absolutely nothing in common and Judy is so naive and so innocent that she spends most of the movie struggling to speak in coherent sentences. (And, of course, she also won’t let go of her teddy bear.) Steve, meanwhile — well, listen, when you’re 17, any man in his 20s is automatically attractive. But still, there’s something undeniably (and, judging from the film’s script, unintentionally) creepy about Steve’s marriage to Judy.

Anyway, when Judy goes back to school, she has to deal with people singing Here Comes The Bride at her. She also has to deal with her ex-boyfriend, Chuck (Chris Robinson). Chuck wants her back and soon, he’s harassing the newly married couple and making such a menace out of himself that the whole “She’s only 17!” thing gets forgotten about…

So, that’s Diary of a High School Bride. It’s a film that, if I had seen it when I was an out-of-control teenager, would have made absolutely no difference whatsoever. But, if you’re a fan of 1950s B-movies (and who isn’t!) and if you have a group of friends who like to be snarky while watching old movies (and who doesn’t!), you’ll probably enjoy The Diary of a High School Bride. At the very least, it features a fun little theme song from someone named Tony Casanova.

The Diary of a High School Bride was directed by Burt Topper and written by the poet Robert Lowell. (Okay, it was probably a different Robert Lowell…) It’s currently available on Netflix and it’s a lot of fun if you’re in the right snarky mood.