Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 5.2 “Shaken, Rattled, and Rolled” and 5.3 “Honest Sly”

Posted on April 15, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, the Dreams finally experience an earthquake!

Episode 5.2 “Shaken, Rattled, and Rolled”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 14th, 1996)

Sly has just discovered that radio executive Joey DeParna’s legendary thick head of hair is actually a wig and he’s blackmailing Joey into giving the Dreams an audition! The only problem is that, due to a recent earthquake, Tony is suffering from PTSD and can’t even play the drums without having a flashback! Mark suggests recreating the earthquake so that Tony can conquer his fears but, when the Dreams start shoving Tony’s drum kit back and forth, Tony panics and runs straight into a wall. It looks like Tony’s going to have to live with his aunt and uncle in Ohio. Fortunately, right as Tony is getting ready to say goodbye to his friends, another earthquake hits and Tony gets in a doorway. When he realizes that the second earthquake didn’t kill him, Tony conquers his fears and decides to stay in California. I don’t know. I think two earthquakes in one week would be enough to make me leave but then again, I like Ohio. Actually, we do have earthquakes in Texas but it’s rare that we ever actually notice them. California, on the other hand, is probably going to plunge into the ocean and float away in another year or two.

I’m a little bit surprised that it took five seasons for a show called California Dreams to feature an earthquake. I was also surprised that this was apparently Tony’s first earthquake, even though he grew up in California. The scenes where Tony freaked out and flashed back to the quake were actually a lot better done than you would expect from a Saturday morning kids show. I could understand Tony’s fear! That said, the highlight of this episode was not the earthquake but instead a B-plot in which Tiffani got a job at an animal shelter and, while the shelter was closed for a week, all of the Dreams (except for Lorena) got to take care of an animal. Tony’s beagle was adorable!

Episode 5.3 “Honest Sly”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 21, 1996)

Sly has a new job! He’s working for Gem Diamond (Gary Beach) and selling used cars! Sharp-eyed viewers will recognize Gem Diamond as being the same guy who sold Zack Morris a cheap class ring on Saved By The Bell. As such, you can probably guess what type of cars Gem has on his used car lot. Sly, of course, doesn’t have any problem selling crappy used cars for too much money. Or, at least, he doesn’t until Sam buys a car and it crashes because the brakes were bad. Struck with guilt, Sly goes on live TV and reveals that Gem sold Sam a defective car. Gem gives Sam back her money and is so impressed with Sly’s sneakiness that he offers to go into business with him. Sly, however, has had it with selling used cars.

Meanwhile, Lorena pretends to be Mark’s girlfriend so that Mark will develop the confidence necessary to ask out another girl. Being Lorena’s fake boyfriend means doing stuff like shining her boots. (I need to get a new pair of boots myself.) The other girl is so impressed that she asks Mark to wash her car and do her French homework. Seriously, this show’s writers could never decide just how much of a loser Mark actually was. He was always either dating an Olympian or having an anxiety attack.

Usually, Lorena is the character to whom I most relate on this show but, during this episode, I related to Sam because everyone kept giving her such a hard time about being a bad driver. Much like me, Sam wasn’t a bad driver as much as she was just someone who found it difficult to focus while the person sitting beside her kept yelling, “LOOK OUT!”

This was a good episode. Gary Beach was genuinely funny as Gem Diamond. For continuity watchers, there’s a moment in the episode where Jake mentions the time that Sly got conned by a fake modeling school. The modeling school episode didn’t actually air until 4 months later. We’ll get to that episode in another few weeks.

Coming up next week: Jake’s father is hired by the school and Tony cheats on a test!

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 4.15 “Dancing Isn’t Everything” and 5.1 “Stand By Your Man”

Posted on April 8, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, one season ends and another begins.

Episode 4.15 “Dancing Isn’t Everything”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on April 6th, 1996)

The fourth season of California Dreams comes to a close with one of its best episodes and a personal favorite of mine, Dancing Isn’t Everything. In fact, I already reviewed this episode a few years ago.

Rewatching it, I was pleased to discover that I still continue to enjoy the episode. Determined to prove the she’s more than just the band’s groupie, Lorena enters Sharky’s dance contest. Unfortunately, a series of events conspire against her and she’s forced to dance with the very unrhythmic Sly. Fortunately, Lorena learns about the importance of friendship and, even more importantly, this episode sets up the foundation for what will become Lorena and Sly’s romance during Season 5.

There are more than a few memorable moments from this episode, from Lorena coldly dismissing all of her potential dance partners to Sly breaking out his spastic dance moves whenever the judges aren’t looking. My favorite moment is Sly reading the subtitles and discovering what Lorena actually said to him. (If you watch carefully, you can see Kelly Packard breaking character and laughing in the background.) This was also the first episode to feature Tony and Sam performing Next Big Thing. “He’s so funky!”

This episode is California Dreams at its best and it brings the fourth season to worthy close.

Episode 5.1 “Stand By Your Man”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 7th, 1996)

The fifth and final season of California Dreams was the best of the show’s history. It not only gave the show a proper send-off but it also gave all of the members of the cast to show how much they had grown as actors since the show began. By the end of the fifth and final season of the show, the cast had proven themselves to be the type of tight and talented ensemble that could wring laughs and tears from even the most predictable of situations.

You wouldn’t necessarily know that from watching the first episode of the fifth season, though. In this episode, Jake needs money to fix his motorcycle and takes a job that requires him to dress up like a pirate for the local seafood restaurant. When he tires of his friends laughing at his costume, Jake gets another job at a local garage. The pay is good and Jake does like working on cars and motorcycles. However, his boss is an attractive woman named Mel. (I have a sister named Melissa who we call Mel. Hi, Mely!) Tiffani gets jealous and, for some reason, she decides that it would be a good idea for her, Sam, and Lorena to put on fake beards and pretend to be old bikers so they can hang out around the garage. (*Sigh* Wacky disguises were a staple on these shows and they never cease to be annoying.) This leads to them knocking over a motorcycle and Jake getting fired. Jake is furious with Tiffany, not because he lost his job but because she didn’t trust him. Tiffani apologizes and Jake forgives her. He then gets his old pirate job back. Arrrrgh!

Meanwhile, Sly and Tony try to catch Mark doing something stupid so they can win a video contest. However, it turns out that Mark is actually filming them for the same contest. Ha ha.

You may be under the impression that this episode was not a favorite of mine and you’re right. It’s not. It’s just too silly and cartoonish, particularly when compared to some of the other season 5 episodes. This is the first episode of the final season and it’s hard not to feel that there should have been a bit more to it than just wacky disguises and a pirate joke.

Oh well! Things will get better next week, as we move further into the final season of California Dreams.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 4.13 “We’ll Always Have Aspen” and 4.14 “Lorena’s Place”

Posted on April 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The California Dreams are in Aspen! Wait …. what?

Episode 4.13 “We’ll Always Have Aspen”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on January 6th, 1996)

This episode opens with the California Dreams in Aspen, Colorado, hanging out at the Costa Ski Lodge. Why are they there? They’re there because this episode was originally meant to air during season 3, after the episode where the Dreams went to the ski lodge and convinced Lorena’s father not to kick that old crank out of his isolated cabin. Why did NBC hold off on showing this episode for so long? I’m not sure but it certainly does lead to some odd continuity errors. For instance, Tony announces that he’s “hunting ski bunnies.” Obviously, this was meant to air before Tony and Sam became a couple. Lorena and Jake are also dating in this episode.

This episode is also one of the rare ones to focus on Mark. Mark is shocked to discover that his ex-girlfriend, Jenny (Catherine Nagan), is staying at the lodge. As he explains it, he and Jenny were once totally in love but then Jenny left him so that she could train to be on the U.S. Olympic skiing team. At first, Mark refuses to speak to Jenny but then Jenny explains that leaving him was the biggest mistake of her life and that she is tired of skiing. Mark and Jenny spend the day together and Mark realizes that Jenny actually does love skiing too much to give it up. So, Mark gets dumped again but this time, he was the one who suggested that Jenny should break up with him so I guess he feels better about the only member of the Dream to never have a romantic partner for longer than one episode.

In the B-plot, Lorena’s father leaves Lorena in charge while he goes off to do …. well, I’m not sure why he left. But him leaving means that Lorena is in charge of the big winter festival. Why would her father leave Lorena, who is a teenager, in charge of the Lodge’s biggest event? I’m starting to suspect that he is just not a very good businessman. Anyway, all of this leads to Jake having to wear a silly costume and Sly taking part in a yodeling contest. That was kind of funny.

This wasn’t a bad episode and it was nice to see Lorena and Jake back together but …. eh. The California Dreams belong the beach. They’re surfers not skiers.

Episode 4.14 “Lorena’s Place”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on March 30th, 1996)

The first thing that I noticed about the 14th episode of the fourth season of California Dreams is that it aired over two months after the 13th episode, which itself was an episode that had been filmed for the 3rd season. I don’t know what exactly was going on behind the scenes at NBC but it appears that the network decided to end season 4 by burning off a few old episodes that, for whatever reason, didn’t air when they were originally supposed to.

(Of course, Saved By The Bell did the same thing. The episode where Screech is made hall monitor was filmed for the first season but, oddly, didn’t air until after the show’s Graduation episode.)

This episode finds the Dreams back in California. Eager to date a pretentious douchebag named Alan, Lorena turns her loft into a coffeehouse and hosts a poetry reading. Lorena also reads Alan a poem that her father wrote for her mother but which Lorena claims that she wrote for Alan. Alan is so impressed that he memorizes the poem. Then, after Lorena tells him the truth, he destroys the poem.

Oh no!

Not to worry. The Dreams hold another coffeehouse reading. Alan, for some reason, comes to that one as well and recites the poem. Sam records his words and recreate the poem for Lorena’s parents. So, not only is the poem saved but Lorena gets a new boyfriend! But Alan kind of sucks so hopefully, he’ll never show up again.

This episode was very 90s but it was a Lorena episode and, since Lorena is the character to whom I most relate, I enjoyed it.

Next week: Season 4 comes to an end!

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 4.11 “Heal the Bay” and 4.12 “Woo-oops”

Posted on March 25, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, continuity goes to Hell with the California Dreams!

Episode 4.11 “Heal the Bay”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on December 2nd, 1995)

This episode opens with all the Dreams hanging out at Sharky’s, getting ready to head to the beach. Tiffani blows a conch shell to let all the surfers know that the tide is up. Mark says that he’s bringing his guitar to the beach so he can practice getting girls. Jake and Lorena discuss what they’re taking to the beach. Not surprisingly, Lorena is planning on taking a lot more than Jake while Jake is going to keep things simple….

Wait! Jake and Lorena are going the beach together? And they’re flirting? Didn’t they break up at the start of the season? Yes, they did! But NBC was notorious for showing the episodes of their Saturday morning sitcoms out of order. As a result, shows like California Dreams, Hang Time, City Guys, and One World were notorious for their continuity errors. Of course, as I watched this episode, it didn’t really matter to me because I like Jake and Lorena as a couple and I think they were way too quick to break up. Even though the episode wrecked havoc with the show’s continuity, it was still nice to Jake and Lorena flirting again….

However, I was less amused when Tony started to hit on a girl who wasn’t Sam. I mean, Tony and Sam have been dating forever! This episode was obviously meant to air way back at the start of the third season, even before Jake and Lorena hooked up in Budget Cuts. If it hard aired when intended, it would have set the foundation for Jake and Lorena eventually getting together. And, looking back, Jake and Lorena’s relationship did seem like it kind of came out of nowhere.

As for the rest of this episode, it featured Tony turning into crazed environmentalist after the beach is closed due to pollution. He gets on everyone’s nerves so the Dreams show him the error of his ways by ruining his date with a girl who is not Sam. It turns out that the entire date involves doing or wearing or eating something that was harmful for the environment. Having realized that being an insane environmentalist means never getting laid, Tony apologizes. Good for him! The Dreams then perform at a concert to raise money to “heal the bay.” They do it for free. Poor Sly.

I liked the episode because insane environmentalists are annoying and Lorena and Jake were a cute couple. I just wish it had aired when it was supposed to. Let’s find out if the next episode is any less of a continuity nightmare.

Episode 4.12 “Woo-oops”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on December 30th, 1995)

Samantha’s father entrusts her with a credit card! Yay! Samantha spends a thousand dollars in one day! Oh no! Now, Sam has to work multiple jobs to raise the money to pay off the card or her father is going to make her return to Hong Kong!

If this sounds familiar, it’s because Saved By The Bell did an episode where Lisa Turtle spent too much with her credit card. Hang Time also had a credit card episode. It was a big topic as far as Peter Engel-produced shows were concerned. In this case, Sam fails to raise all of the money but she does raise roughly half of it so her father agrees to let her stay in the U.S, as long as she keeps working to pay him back. That’s a good thing, seeing as how the Dreams didn’t really have anyone who could have replaced her in the band.

As far as continuity is concerned, Jake and Tiffani are a couple in this episode. In fact, there’s a nicely done B-plot where Jake had to find a replacement for a valuable doll that he accidentally destroyed after Tiffani tells him that she’s found a buyer for it. And, of course, Sam and Tony are a couple, just as they should be. Everyone learns an important lesson about spending money, i.e., spend as much as you want and then wait for someone to help you pay it all off. Sounds good to me!

Next week, we return to Lorena’s father’s ski lodge!

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 4.9 “Operation Tony” and 4.10 “Community Service”

Posted on March 18, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, California Dreams is Saved By The Bell!

Episode 4.9 “Operation Tony”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 18th, 1995)

Tony needs to have shoulder surgery and he’s so worried about dying that he not only practices laying very still but he also requires Sam to practice mourning. The night before the operation, he has a dream where he sees his own funeral and, upon waking up, he tries to sneak out of the hospital and …. wait a minute. This seems familiar. The exact same thing happened to Zack Morris on Saved By The Bell!

Yes, this episode is pretty much a remake of Operation Zach. The California Dreams version works a bit better than the SBTB version because Tony is a more sympathetic figure than Zach Morris and, unlike Zach, Tony didn’t have the power to stop time whenever he felt like it so Tony has no way to magically put off the operation. Plus, this episode has a B-plot where Lorena volunteers as a candy striper in an attempt to catch the attention of a handsome doctor. Unfortunately, the doctor explains that he doesn’t date people with whom he works. (I would hope that he also doesn’t date teenagers.) It was a predictable storyline but I still always like episodes that focus, even if just partially, on Lorena because Lorena is who I was always relate to whenever I watch this show.

Anyway, this was a good episode, even it was a familiar one. Let’s move on.

Episode 4.10 “Community Service”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 25th, 1995)

In this episode, the members of the California Dreams do community service!

Now, I know that I always complain whenever this happens on City Guys but that’s because City Guys usually features Ms. Noble ordering her students to do stuff during their free time. On California Dreams, everyone actually volunteered of their own free will. It is true that Tiffani guilted them into volunteering but still, there’s a big difference between Tiffani looking sad and Ms. Noble telling all of her students what they’re going to give up their weekend just because she says so.

Sam volunteers for the blood drive. Jake volunteers for Meals on Wheels and eats all the food himself. (In 1995, this was played for laughs. You can only imagine how it would be portrayed today.) Mark helps to clean the beach and ends up smelling like a toxic waste dump. Lorena gives some things to the Goodwill. And Tiffani and Sly end up working at the Teen Help Line. Tiffani tries to sincerely help people while Sly orders pizza and hits on all the female counselors.

Uh-oh! The school is cutting its budget and the Teen Line is going to be closed down! Sly comes up with an idea! Maybe the Dreams can play a benefit concert. I mean, it worked on Saved By The Bell …. TWICE! Sly organizes the concert and basks in everyone’s attention, even though Tiffani is upset that Sly is doing the right thing for the wrong reason. (Calm down, Tiffani.) Fortunately, during the concert, a teen calls in and says he wants to run away from home. Because Sly is the only person in the office, he’s forced to help the caller and he discovers that joy of doing the right thing for the right reasons! Yay! Of course, I imagine this lesson will be forgotten by the next episode. We’ll find out next week!

As a general rule, the best episodes of California Dreams are the ones in which Sly is let loose to be his sleazy but ultimately good-hearted self. Though the story was familiar, Michael Cade did a good job playing the two sides of Sly. Plus, the Dreams performed that “To the End” song, which has a really rocking guitar solo.

Next week, Tiffani tries to heal the bay! Hopefully, she’ll have better luck at it than Mark did during this episode.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 4.7 “Secret Admirer” and 4.8 “Old”

Posted on March 11, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Sly breaks hearts and hurts feelings! And maybe he learns a lesson.

Episode 4.7 “Secret Admirer”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 4th, 1995)

This episode opens in Pacific Coast High’s state-of-the-art computer lab!

After accidentally deleting a love poem that Mark has spent weeks working on, Sly spots a student named Lynn awkwardly asking people to come to her sweet sixteen party. Realizing that Lynn comes from a wealthy family, Sly decides that the Dreams have to play that party! The only problem is that Sly has known Lynn since kindergarten and he’s spent that entire time making fun of her weight. Lynn cannot stand Sly.

Can you feel the hatred?

Sly, having learned nothing from being put on trial last week, steals one of Mark’s love poems and slips it into Lynn’s locker. “Wow, a secret admirer,” Lynn says. Then Sly pops up and starts trying to flirt with her. At first, Lynn refuses to believe that Sly is being serious but, slowly, he wins her over. And what happens here is kind of interesting. As Sly eventually figures out, it’s not that Lynn believes him as much as she wants to believe him because she has absolutely no self-esteem. Even after Lynn hires the Dreams and pays them $2,000, Sly still feels guilty. He feels so guilty that he gives up the money.

This was not the first Peter Engel-produced show to figure its lead character going out with a someone who weighed a bit more than Tiffani-Amber Thiessen. Saved By The Bell actually used that plot a few times. On Saved By The Bell, Zack got sold in a date auction to a girl who wasn’t his type and the audience screamed in shock. But this episode of California Dreams is different from Saved By The Bell in that it is more on the side of the girl than on the guy pretending to like her. Sly does a terrible thing and, when he realizes it, Michael Cade does such a good job of playing Sly’s guilt that the viewer really does feel like Sly is probably never going to forgive himself.

That’s a good thing. That said, this still isn’t a particularly strong episode. The actress playing Lynn delivers all of her lines in the same flat manner and there’s a rather annoying B-plot about everyone thinking that Mark’s love poem was written for them. (That’s another plot that was used and reused on Saved By The Bell.) Sly learned a lesson about making fun of people but I doubt it will last….

Episode 4.8 “Old”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 11th, 1995)

Sly makes fun of a bunch old people and then has a dream where he’s old and all the members of the band make fun of him! He then wakes up and visits an old man in the hospital. So, basically, Sly learned the same lesson that he should have learned in the last episode and in the episode before that. Some people just don’t ever learn!

That said, by the time this episode aired, Michael Cade had really grown as an actor and he’s convincing as both an old man and an obnoxious teenager.

Next week, in another story borrowed from Saved By The Bell, Tony gets an operation! The fun never ends when you’re surrounded by surf dudes with attitude and feeling mellow.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 4.5 “Fallen Idol” and 4.6 “Defending Sly’s Life”

Posted on March 4, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Jake learns an important lesson about how ruthless and heartless the music business actually is. Meanwhile, Sly is forced to defend a lifetime of bad ethical choices.

Episode 4.5 “Fallen Idol”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 14th, 1995)

Never meet your idols!

Jake learns that lesson the hard way when his hero, faded rock star Zane Walker (Julian Stone), wanders into Sharky’s. Jake is stunned to see Zane. Jake is overjoyed when Zane agrees to listen to the Dreams play. And Jake is stunned when Zane steals Jake’s latest song and releases his own version of it. The song becomes a hit in record time. (Apparently, it only took about a week for Zane to steal the song, record it, and then release it.) Jake and the Dreams crash Zane’s press conference, with Jake still convinced that Zane is going to give Jake credit for writing the song. Instead, Zane smirks and takes all the credit for himself. Tiffani and Sly suggest suing Zane. Jake replies that it’s not about the song. He can write a hundred good songs. But he’ll never get another idol….

Wow, what a depressing episode! I mean, Jay Anthony Franke really poured his heart into his performance and it’s good that the show taught kids about the importance of copyright laws but still…. let’s move on to something happier.

Episode 4.6 “Defending Sly’s Life”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 21st, 1995)

The episode opens in a court room. All of the Dreams are in costume. Sam is a court reporter. Jake is a judge. Tiffani and Tony are lawyers. Poor Mark and Lorena are forced to wear unflattering bailiff’s uniforms. Meanwhile, Sly is wearing an orange jumpsuit because apparently, he’s on trial for being the most greedy, selfish guy on Earth. Tony is his lawyer. Tiffani is the prosecutor.

Is this a dream?

No, it’s a clip show. Each member of the Dreams testifies about how Sly has been both a bad and a good friend. Why are they in court? It’s never really explained and I actually appreciated that. It was a nice break from the usual “Remember that time that we played Sharky’s?” format of most clip shows. Interestingly enough, we even get clips from the first two seasons despite the fact that there’s no way Sam, Lorena, and Mark could have remembered any of that stuff. But at least the show is acknowledging that Matt Garrison and his sister used to be members of the Dreams.

(If I may briefly go off-topic, I always found it weird that, after Matt left, the Dreams went on without him. I mean, Matt started the band. He named the band! Was he okay with the Dreams continuing to perform his songs and under the name he came up with even after he left? Did Jake and the other band members even ask? After he moved, they could have at least come up with a new name for themselves. I would have suggested something like Jake Sommers and Funtime Quartet.)

Anyway, after all the Dreams testify about all of the sneaky things that he’s done, Sly testifies about the time that he helped Tiffani get off the steroids that he had previously given her. Apparently, that’s enough to convince Judge Jake to rule that Sly is not the most selfish person on Earth and Sly is allowed to go free. What would have happened if Sly had been found guilty? Who knows? I just like the fact that this totally weird episode came out of nowhere and will probably never be mentioned again. This is something that you won’t ever see on City Guys or One World!

Next week, the recently acquitted Sly is rude to multiple people, therefore proving that Jake shouldn’t have been the judge.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 2/19/23 — 2/25/23

Posted on February 25, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

With this being the week of Mardi Gras and Ash Wednesday, I didn’t watch much but I did watch some. And here are my thoughts!

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

PESCA …. PESCA …. PESCA …. I’m not really a fan of the whole “the charter school is coming for us!” storyline but I do love the Gregory/Janine storyline. Some of Tyler James Williams’s line deliveries made me laugh so hard that I nearly fell out of my chair while watching this week’s episode.

Animal Control (Thursday Night, FOX)

I like Joel McHale and I really like animals so I was hoping that I would really, really like this new sitcom but …. eh. The first two episodes just didn’t work for me. As tired as I am of the whole mockumentary format, I do kind of feel that maybe that was the approach that should have been taken with Animal Control. Right now, the show just feels a bit forced and awkward and the frequent lowbrow humor feels cheap. Despite the presence of McHale, this is definitely not Community. I did laugh when the weasel set that guy’s house on fire, though.

The Brady Bunch Hour (YouTube)

I wrote about The Brady Bunch Hour here!

California Dreams (YouTube)

Here’s this week’s review.

City Guys (Tubi)

Here’s this week’s review!

Fantasy Island (Tubi)

Here’s this week’s review!

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

I watched last week’s episode of Law & Order on Monday night. It dealt with a shooting at a nightclub. The shooter was stalking his ex-girlfriend but the majority of the episode dealt with the cop who responded to the 911 call and who froze and sat in his police car for 3 minutes before entering the club. Obviously, this was meant to remind the viewers of both the cowardly deputy at the Parkland shooting and the cops who stayed outside of the classroom in Uvalde. The show had sympathy for the cowardly cop. I did not, just like I didn’t have any sympathy for Scott Israel’s deputies. This was another episode that ended with Price getting his conviction but still getting punched outside the court because all of the bad publicity led to the cowardly cop committing suicide. Again, the show attempted to put the blame on the tabloid press. Myself, I put the blame on the cop who let others die.

As for this week’s episode, it dealt with race as Detective Shaw filed a report on two cops who profiled him at a crime scene while the show’s defendant was a real estate guy who was spreading rumors about mostly black criminals in order to run down property values. This was one of those episodes where the person on trial was definitely a bad guy and he was probably guilty but I still didn’t think Price proved the case beyond a reasonable doubt. I think the Law & Order revival would benefit from occasionally admitting that even a good prosecutor can lose a weak case. It would make the show a bit more realistic. At this point, Price is apparently the greatest prosecutor who has ever lived because he has a 99% success rate despite the majority of his cases being noticeably weak.

What’s interesting is that, after basically spending a season and a half as a self-righteous loose cannon who did things like prosecute a pharmaceutical firm just to get revenge for his brother’s unrelated death, Price is now being portrayed as being a pragmatist while the cops are now the social justice warriors. Of course, who knows? The next episode could find Price once again tilting at windmills and Cosgrove once again acting like a reactionary. Narrative consistency is not one of this show’s strengths.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Night Court (Tuesday Night, NBC)

When Abby’s train is delayed, she annoys all of the other passengers with her upbeat personality. I have no idea to whom this show is meant to appeal. The only reason I watched it is because I needed to have something in the background for thirty minutes while I did some dusting.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 4.3 “Principal Tiffani” and 4.4 “The Dateless Game”

Posted on February 25, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Surf dudes with attitudes….

Episode 4.3 “Principal Tiffani”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 30th, 1995)

Earl Boen returns as Principal Blumford! The last two times that Blumford appeared, he was given dialogue that deliberately harkened back to his days of appearing in the first two Terminator films. Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen here but Principal Tiffani is still an important Blumford episode because this is the episode where it becomes clear that Tiffani and Blumford are having a secret affair.

Seriously, how else do you explain Blumford’s decision to appoint Tiffani to the role of “student principal?” In fact, I’m not even sure that there is such a thing as the student principal program, despite the fact that both Saved By The Bell and California Dreams did episodes about it. It just doesn’t make any sense. Why would a student be put in charge of the school for a week? In this episode, Blumford not only names Tiffani as student principal but he also expects her to run the school during mid-terms week. I mean, shouldn’t Tiffani be studying for her mid-terms? And why make Tiffani principal as opposed to someone who actually wants the job?

I think we all know the answer.

At first, Tiffani struggles with her new position. No one will listen to her. Then her other boyfriend, Jake, gives her a lesson in how to yell at people. Tiffani takes his lessons to heart and goes mad with power, handing out detentions and forcing troublemakers to stand in the corner of her office in time-out. Eventually, the entire school rebels and, on cut day, Tiffani discovers that the halls are completely deserted.

The entire school goes to Sharky’s, of course. The Dreams, minus Tiffani, perform. I imagine there’s nothing better than getting hired for a sweet cut day gig. Eventually, Tiffani and Blumford show up at Sharky’s but Tiffani has learned to not be such a martinet so she lies and says that students had her permission to go to Sharky’s. She then orders all of them to start studying, which they do.

Blumford pretends to fooled by Tiffani but, obviously, he knows what’s really going on. Technically, Blumford could have gotten in trouble for giving an important role like student principal to someone who was obviously unqualified for the job but the hearts wants what the heart wants.

This was a very romantic episode.

Episode 4.4 “The Dateless Game”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 7th, 1995)

Speaking of romance, it’s time for Jake and Tiffani’s first anniversary! They’ve only been dating for 2 episodes but whatever. Everyone acts like they’ve been together forever. (Actually, Lorena specifically says that Tiffani and Jake have been a thing for 3 months.)

However, before Jake can celebrate their anniversary, he decides help Sly and Mark out with their plan to take part in a charity dating game. When the third bachelor fails to show up for the event, Jake agrees to take the stage with Sly and Mark. Of course, despite his best efforts to pretend to be a shallow burn-out, Jake wins and it turns out his date is scheduled for the night of his anniversary! Instead of just coming clean to Tiffani, Jake attempts to go on both dates at the same time. That was a pretty dumb idea on Jake’s part and it helps to explain why Tiffani has been cheating with Blumford.

Needless to say, Jake’s dumbass plan explodes in his face. Fortunately, the Dreams know how to fix the situation, They hold a dating game of their own so that Jake and Tiffani can see that they belong together. Tony is the host and William James Jones totally throws himself into the performance. For some reason, the fake dating game is held at Sharky’s. As far as I could tell, no one was ordering food during the dating game. If Sharky’s goes out of business, blame it on the Dreams and their constant drama.

These two episodes felt very much like they belonged more on Saved By The Bell than California Dreams but no matter! This cast long ago proved that they had the chemistry necessary to transcend even mundane material and that’s certainly what happens here. Jake and Tiffani forgive each other and the audiences says, “Awwww!’ but somewhere, Principal Blumford’s heart is breaking.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 2/12/23 — 2/18/23

Posted on February 18, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week I decided to get a head start on my retro television reviews and I ended up watching and writing up reviews for three months worth of Hang Time and California Dreams. I am exhausted and I have dueling theme songs stuck in my head.

Here are some thoughts:

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

“Fire!” This week’s episode of Abbott Elementary was a classic and, after two somewhat uneven episodes, a return to form. I loved Ava’s response to the fire. I would have done the same. “Wait, you went to a spa?” Well, where else should she have gone?

Accused (Tuesday Night, FOX)

This week, the accused was a father-turned-vigilante, on trial for the murder of a man who molested his daughter. The idea had the potential to be interesting but the execution was flat. The episode’s big guest star was Malcolm-Jamal Warner, who gave a credible performance but who was also a bit on the dull side.

California Dreams (YouTube)

I watched six hours of California Dreams this weekend. I will never get the theme song out of my head.

The Devil Next Door (Netflix)

This is a Netflix docuseries about John Demjanjuk, a retired auto worker in Detroit who was accused of being Ivan the Terrible, a notorious Nazi concentration camp guard. While Demjanjuk was indeed a former camp guard, there’s still some debate over whether he was also Ivan The Terrible. It was a fascinating and disturbing story. With Demjanjuk now dead, we’ll probably never know for sure whether or not he was Ivan but that doesn’t change the fact that this rather mild-looking elderly man was a participant in the most monstrous crimes in history.

Fantasy Island (Tubi)

I reviewed Fantasy Island here!

Hang Time (YouTube)

I watched and wrote up reviews for 15 hours worth of Hang Time episodes this week. I’m exhausted but, on the plus side, I won’t have to watch the show again until June.

The Love Boat (Paramount+)

I wrote up the first season finale of The Love Boat here!

Night Court (Tuesday, NBC)

In this week’s episode, a bunch of children led a protest in Abbie’s courtroom. My goodness, it was truly an embarrassing episode. Night Court doesn’t know if it wants to be goofy or edgy and the lack of focus is really becoming an issue.

Night Music (YouTube)

This was a live music program from the 80s. The episode that I watched on Friday night featured Stevie Ray Vaughn, Van Dyke Parks, and David Sanborn. The music was great!

The Super Bowl (Sunday Night, FOX)

I watched it for the commercials, as the game didn’t really interest me and I didn’t have any real feelings about either one of the two teams playing. However, I will say that everyone that I know is pretty happy that the Eagles lost. And while I don’t have anything against the Eagles as a group of individual athletes, I do kind of resent the Philadelphia Parking Authority, as a result of having watched too many episodes of Parking Wars.

The Watchers (Netflix)

I watched the first four episodes of this Netflix miniseries on Tuesday night. The mystery was intriguing but, like so many Ryan Murphy-produced programs, it felt like there was way too much padding and I kind of started to lose interest in it all as the story progressed. Fortunately, both Naomi Watts and Bobby Cannavale were well-cast.