Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 1.17 “Hitch-Hiking Hitch”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, Baker solves everything!

Episode 1.17 “Hitch-Hiking Hitch”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on February 9th, 1978)

It’s another crazy week on the highways of California.

Baker saves a wind sailor who loses control of his boat while testing it on the freeway.  Baker saves a trucker when the brakes go out on his rig.  Baker helps out an old man (George Chandler) who refuses to leave his home until he’s promised that he and his dog won’t be put in an assisted living facility.  Baker tells two teenagers, Jenny (Lark Gein) and Marge (Stacy Nelkin), about the dangers of hitchhiking on the highways.

In other words, this is yet another first season episode of CHiPs where the main theme seems to be that Ponch is thoroughly useless.  Oh, don’t get me wrong.  Ponch definitely helps out.  When Baker tells Ponch to direct traffic, Ponch hops off his motorcycle and starts waving at cars to either stop or go.  But it’s still hard not to notice that, when something needs to be done, Baker is the one who does it.  Indeed, Baker is usually the only one who knows how to do it.  You have to kind of wonder why he’s not in charge since he always knows what to do.

Still, Sgt. Getraer is the man in charge and he’s been named “Sergeant of the Month” by CHiPs Magazine.  Ponch and Baker are worried that Getraer is too humble to really enjoy the honor.  For some reason, Ponch thinks that playing a joke on Getraer by switching out his helmet will make Getraer enjoy life more.  It really doesn’t make much sense to me but this is Ponch that we’re talking about.

There’s an odd scene where Ponch and Baker are having lunch at a diner.  A man in a van pulls up and sees that their bikes are in the parking spot that he wants.  The man, who is rather large, picks up the bikes and puts them on the sidewalk.  He then picks up a car and moves it to the side.  Luckily, Getraer rolls up and gives the guy a ticket.

While Baker and Getraer are doing their jobs, Ponch is trying to get laid.  When Mary Kate (Katherine Cannon) comes to the station to bail out her sister (who is one of the hitchhikers), Ponch takes one look at her and says, “I bet you were named after your grandmother, who was also very beautiful.”  Mary Kate responds that she was named after two spinster aunts.  She goes on a few dates with Ponch and claims that her sister has been led astray by her friend.  It turns out Mary Kate is wrong and her sister is the one who keeps insisting on hitchhiking.

The hitchhiking nearly ends in disaster but fear not!  Baker is there to save Marge from some creeps driving a van.  Seriously, what would California do without Jon Baker?

Anyway, the scene with the out-of-control truck was kind of exciting but otherwise, this was a typical episode of CHiPs.  It wasn’t particularly memorable but the California scenery was lovely to look at.  Anyone want to go wind sailing?

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back, Kotter 1.9 “Mr. Kotter, Teacher” and 1.10 “The Reunion”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Mr. Kotter fights for his job and, even worse, has to have to dinner with two old acquaintances from his high school days.

Episode 1.9 “Mr. Kotter, Teacher”

(Directed by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on November 4, 1975)

Gabe tells Julie a joke about two men who were both named Bernstein.  The punchline is, “You don’t want me, you want Bernstein the Spy on the second floor!”

At school, Gabe has got a problem!  When Woodman step into the room to observe Kotter’s teaching style, he’s stunned to discover that Kotter and the Sweathogs are sitting in a circle on the floor and that they’re talking about their future ambitions.  Freddie says he wants to own the world’s tallest building and call it the Boom Boom Building.  Barbarino says that he wants to be an actor like Marlon Brando and then he and Epstein act out a scene from The Godfather.  (Incidentally, John Travolta does a pretty good Brando.)  Gabe is amused but Woodman is not.  Woodman demands that Kotter teach from the textbook.  Kotter points out that the textbook is out-of-date and there’s nothing in it to which the Sweathogs can relate.  Woodman promptly suspends Gabe and orders him to attend a disciplinary hearing.

This episode suffers from a bit of early installment weirdness and it wouldn’t surprise me if it was originally meant to air earlier in the season.  For instance, Woodman is a lot meaner than usual.  Over the past eight episodes, Woodman has often gotten frustrated and annoyed with Kotter but there’s also been a grudging respect between the two.  That Woodman would be shocked by Kotter’s teaching methods and would try to get Kotter fired as a result doesn’t really fit in with what we’ve previously seen of Woodman.  In fact, when Woodman previously taught Gabe’s class, he revealed himself to be a good teacher who was willing to engage with the students on their level.  Previously, Woodman has been grumpy and eccentric but he’s never really been malicious.

As well, in this episode, Kotter’s suddenly gets a best friend named Charlie Piper (Arnold Soboloff).  Charlie is a science teacher who drinks alcohol from a beaker.  He attends Gabe’s disciplinary hearing as a character witness and, at one point, mentions that he’s known Gabe ever since the school year began …. four week ago.  Again, it’s hard to believe that the previous eight episodes all occurred over the span of just a month.

Fortunately, the Sweathogs sneak into the disciplinary hearing.  Eptein and Washington pretend to be window cleaners.  Horshack pretends to be a janitor.  Vinnie shows up dressed as a cleaning woman.  They all testify that Gabe is the best teacher that they’ve ever had.  The arbiter of the case, Ms. Riley (Hope Summers), is moved by their testimony and Gabe keeps his job, though he is told to start using the text book.  Gabe responds by putting the book on his head and teaching the Sweathogs about good posture.

Back at his apartment, Gabe tells Julie a joke about his grandmother and a cursed ring.

This episode wasn’t bad, it just felt out of place.  I appreciated Gabe’s defense of his students, in which he argued that they weren’t dumb but that they just needed a teacher willing to speak to them about their lives as opposed to someone just requiring them to memorize facts and figures.  But, as I said before, Woodman is a lot more effective as a half-crazed eccentric than as a flat-out villain.  Again, we’ll just describe this episode as being the result of early installment weirdness.

Episode 1.10 “The Reunion”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on November 18th, 1975)

Gabe asks Julie if he ever told her about the time that his Aunt Lucille took driving lessons.  “No,” Julie says, “but I think I’m going to hear about it.”  Not noticing that Julie doesn’t sound particularly enthused about hearing about any of this, Gabe explains that his Aunt Lucille had no idea how to signal when she was making a turn.  Julie gives him a pity laugh.

Despite all the jokes, Gabe is not in a good mood.  Two of his high school acquaintances, Lyle (Michael Taylor) and Mary Frances (Bridget Hanley), have invited themselves over for dinner.  Not only does Gabe resent the fact that Lyle and Mary Francis always seemed to be “perfect” in high school but Julie is also planning on cooking her tuna casserole!  In fact, Gabe seems to be more upset about the tuna casserole than about having to spend a night entertaining Lyle and Marcy Francis.

Naturally, after Gabe complains about the reunion during his social studies class, the Sweathogs put on their best suits and show up on Gabe’s fire escape while he’s entertaining Lyle and Mary Francis.  The Sweathogs even bring food because they somehow know how terrible Julie’s tuna casserole is.  Gabe confesses that he may not be as rich or as perfect as Lyle and Mary Francis but he’s happy because he’s getting to teach a great group of kids.  Lyle explains that he was always jealous of Gabe because Gabe got to have fun as a Sweathog while Lyle always had to be “perfect.”  Gabe learns that it was silly for him to be insecure and Lyle learns that there is more to life than just being fabulously wealthy.  Awwwwwww!

Later, Gabe tells Julie a joke about an Italian man singing opera while barbecuing.  The meat gets set on fire.

This episode wasn’t bad.  It was interesting to see Gabe revealing that he’s not always happy about being an underpaid teacher who is probably never going to be able to afford a big apartment and it was also kind of touching to see how much both Gabe and his students cared about each other.  Still, you do have to wonder why Julie keeps making the tuna casserole since literally no one in New York City is willing to eat it.

Next week: Vinnie gets a tutor!