Beyond the Poseidon Adventure | Through the Shattered Lens

On New Year’s Eve in 1972, a tragedy struck in the Aegean Sea. Just as the clock hit midnight and its passengers wished each other a happy new year, the cruise ship Poseidon was capsized by a tidal wave. The majority of the ship’s crew and passengers were killed in the disaster but a small group managed to climb up through the wreckage and make their way to the ship’s hull, where they were rescued. Gene Hackman sacrificed his life so that Ernest Borgnine, Red Buttons, Jack Albertson, Carol Lynley, and Pamela Sue Martin could all survive.

We all know the story of The Poseidon Adventure and some of us have even been goaded by our sisters into singing There’s Got To Be A Morning After for karaoke night at Grandpa Tony’s. (Grandpa Tony’s has since shut down but, for a while, it was the best place in Dallas for nachos and karaoke.) But do you know the story of what happened after that initial group of survivors was rescued from the ship? Have you gone Beyond The Poseidon Adventure?

First released in 1979, Beyond The Poseidon Adventure picks up directly from where the first film ended. Mere minutes after the rescue helicopter flies off, a tugboat pulls up alongside the still capsized wreck of the Poseidon. Needing money to pay off his debts, Captain Mike Turner (Michael Caine) has decided to declare salvage rights and claim all of the cash and jewelry that he can find in the wreckage. Accompanying him is his mentor Dead Meat (Karl Malden) and his protegee, Annoying and Cutesy (Sally Field). Actually, Dead Meat is named Wilbur but, as soon as Karl Malden starts to dramatically grab at his chest, viewers will know that he’s destined to heroically sacrifice himself. Annoying and Cutesy’s real name is Celeste. Sally Field gives perhaps the worst performance of her career as the almost always perky Celeste. This movie came out the same year that Sally Field appeared in the film for which she won her first Oscar, Norma Rae. I have to imagine that Field was happy to win that Oscar because it meant she would never have to do another film like Beyond The Poseidon Adventure.

Before the tugboat crew can begin to explore the Poseidon, another boat shows up. This boat is captained by Stefan Svevo (Telly Savalas), who claims to be a doctor who is responding to an S.O.S. from the capsized ship. Svevo and his crew insist on accompanying the tugboat crew into the Poseidon. It’s obvious from the start that Svevo is not actually a benevolent doctor. For one thing, the men accompanying him are armed. For another thing, he’s played by veteran screen villain Telly Savalas.

The two crews finally enter the ship and …. hey, there’s even more people on the boat! At the end of The Poseidon Adventure, we were told that only six people had survived the disaster but apparently, that was just a damn lie. The ship is literally crawling with people who still haven’t gotten out. (Why didn’t the people who rescued the first batch of survivors check to make sure that they had gotten everyone?) There’s Tex (Slim Pickens), who says he’s from “Big D” and talks about how he owns an oil well (as we all do in Big D). There’s Frank Mazzetti (Peter Boyle, basically playing the same loudmouth that Ernest Borgnine played in the first film) and his daughter Theresa (Angela Cartwright) and Theresa’s new boyfriend, Larry (Mark Harmon). There’s a nurse (Shirley Jones) and a blind man (Jack Warden) and his wife (Shirley Knight). There’s Susanne (Veronica Hamel), the cool femme fatale who has a connection to Svevo.

While Svevo searches for a crate of plutonium (what the Hell was that doing on the Poseidon?), Mike tries to get the survivors to safety. That means once again climbing up to the hull while the ship shakes and the engines continue to explode. Both the first film and the sequel feature the exact same footage of the engines exploding. At this rate, I guess the Poseidon might finally sink sometime this year.

Directed by Irwin Allen (who produced the first film), Beyond The Poseidon Adventure is about as bad as a film could be. The first film had plenty of silly moments but it also had the entertaining spectacle of Gene Hackman and Ernest Borgnine competing to see who could yell the loudest. Beyond the Poseidon Adventure has Michael Caine and Telly Savalas both looking bored while Peter Boyle complains, “That was the worst New Year’s Party I’ve ever been to!” and Sally Field says stuff like, “I’ve been to Anzio! It’s the pits!” At one point, Slim Pickens says that he’s as phony as a three dollar bill. The same could be said of this film. Beyond The Poseidon Adventure looks and feels cheap and generates none of the suspense of the first film.

As Beyond The Poseidon Adventure ended, I found myself worrying that there might be other passengers still stuck on the ship. I mean, apparently, it’s very easy to not only survive on a capsized cruise ship but also to be overlooked by professional rescue crews. Unfortunately, there was not another sequel so those folks were just out of luck.

A Shock to the System (1990, directed by Jan Egleson)

Today is the 88th birthday of the great actor and British cultural icon, Sir Michael Caine!

As I did with Chuck Norris earlier this week, I want to commemorate Michael Caine’s birthday by sharing ten of his essential roles. Since 1950, Michael Caine has appeared in over 130 films and countless TV productions. Trying to narrow his long and prolific career down to just ten films is not easy, nor is it really necessary. All of Caine’s films are worth watching, even the ones that he made during the period where he basically accepted every part that he was offered. Because he’s so prolific and because so many of his films are already well-known and regarded as classics, I’ve decided to focus of listing ten of his lesser-known but no less essential roles.

A Hill in Korea (1956, directed by Julian Aymes) — This nearly forgotten war film is significant because it featured Michael Caine in his first credited screen role. (He had appeared in three previous films but wasn’t credited.) A veteran of the Korean war, Caine was hired to serve as a technical advisor and he was given the small role of Private Lockyer. Years later, Caine would say that, “I had 8 lines in that picture and I screwed up 6 of them.” The film is a standard war film and Caine is barely onscreen but everyone had to start somewhere and this film did allow Caine to appear opposite Stanley Baker, Robert Shaw, and Harry Andrews.
Billion Dollar Brain (1968, directed by Ken Russell) — In 1965, Michael Caine shot to stardom by playing the working class secret agent, Harry Palmer, in The Ipcress File. Caine went on to play Palmer in four more films. Billion Dollar Brain finds Harry trying to keep a computer and a mad millionaire from starting World War III. This was Ken Russell’s first major feature film and, through not as flamboyant as some of his later films, Billion Dollar Brain still feels like Harry Palmer on acid. Caine gives a typically good performance, as does Karl Malden in a key supporting role. Caine’s future Eagle Has Landed co-star, Donald Sutherland, has a small, early role.
Zee and Co. (1972, directed by Brian Hutton) — Caine is married to Elizabeth Taylor and having an affair with Susannah York. This is the type of movie that probably could have only been made at a time when studio system veterans like Elizabeth Taylor were trying to prove that they could keep up with the new wave of filmmakers and stars. Providing proof of his acting abilities, Caine somehow keeps a straight face and gives a credible performance while Taylor emotes all over the place. The end result is loud, vulgar, and undeniably entertaining.
Beyond The Poseidon Adventure (1979, directed by Irwin Allen) — I’m including this film as a stand-in for all of the films that Caine made strictly for the money. It’s a ludicrous film but hard not to enjoy. Michael Caine plays a tugboat captain who, with the help of Sally Field, attempts to salvage the cap-sized Poseidon before the luxury liner finally sinks. Also showing up: Telly Savalas, Slim Pickens, Peter Boyle, and Billion Dollar Brain‘s Karl Malden.
Mona Lisa (1986, directed by Neil Jordan) — The same year that Michael Caine appeared in his Oscar-winning role in Hannah and Her Sisters, he also played a gangster named Mortwell in Mona Lisa. Caine is chillingly good in a rare villainous role.
The Fourth Protocol (1987, directed by John MacKenzie) — This underrated spy thriller features Michael Caine as a world-weary British spy who has to stop KGB agent Pierce Brosnan from detonating a nuclear device. This is a well-made spy thriller and it’s interesting to see Caine (who started his career as the anti-James Bond in the Harry Palmer films) acting opposite future Bond, Pierce Brosnan.
Without A Clue (1988, directed by Thom Eberhardt) — This genuinely funny comedy stars Caine as Sherlock Holmes and Ben Kingsley as Dr. Watson. The catch is that Holmes is actually a clueless actor who was hired by Watson to pretend to be a great detective. When Prof. Moriarty targets Watson, Holmes is forced to actually solve a case on his own. Caine and Kingsley make for a surprisingly good comedy team.
A Shock to the System (1990, directed by Jan Egleson) — In this very dark comedy, Caine plays an executive who, sick of being passed over for promotions and criticized by his wife, decided to just kill everyone who annoys him. This is one of Caine’s best performances and this underrated film’s satire feels just as relevant today as when it was released.
Blood and Wine (1997, directed by Bob Rafelson) — This underrated neo-noir gave Michael Caine a chance to act opposite Jack Nicholson. The two iconic actors bring out the best in each other, playing partners in a jewelry heist gone wrong.
Is Anybody There? (2008, directed by John Crowley) — In this low-key but emotionally effective film, Caine plays an elderly magician who is suffering from the early stages of dementia. Having entered a retirement home, he befriends the son of the home’s manager and the two of them search for evidence of life after death. Though the film didn’t get much attention in the States, Caine described it as a favorite in his most recent autobiography, Blowing The Bloody Doors Off. 75 years-old when he appeared in the film, Caine proved that he could still take audiences by surprise and create an unforgettable character.