American Music Awards | Through the Shattered Lens

Today is Axl Rose’s 63rd birthday, which reminded me of a very interesting memory I had of the first time I heard the song “Patience.”

I grew up on Gospel music and Country music, but late in the 80’s I attended a summer camp called Project Caves where we learned about and explored various caverns in North Arkansas. While there, we were paired up with roommates from across the state. As I was getting to know my roommate on the first night, he shared his favorite current music album with me, which happened to be Appetite for Destruction by Guns N’ Roses. He had his cassette with him so we listened to it. And needless to say, I immediately loved it, especially the song “Sweet Child o’ Mine.” I also loved “Welcome to the Jungle” and “Paradise City,” and we listened to the album almost on repeat over those couple of weeks. By the time I got back home to Toad Suck, I had “Sweet Child o’ Mine” memorized word for word and note for note. I couldn’t wait to tell my brother and sister about the songs. At first they kind of teased me and called me “heavy metal man,” but it wasn’t long before they were listening to (and loving) those songs as well.

Music awards shows were a big deal around our house in the 80’s because that’s where we got to watch our favorite singers and bands perform. I remember The American Music Awards show being advertised, with one of their live performances to be provided by Guns N’ Roses. For historical reference, the show was on January 30, 1989, and I had recently turned 15. Giddy with excitement, my brother, my sister and I made sure we were in front of the TV that night so we could watch the group perform one of our favorite songs. Which would it be… Sweet Child o’ Mine, Paradise City, Welcome to the Jungle???

And then the performance started with Axl Rose whistling the slowest song imaginable, the song we’d all come to know as “Patience,” which would be released as a new single a few months later. We all looked at each other like WTF?! We listened to the song together in disappointment, but I do kinda remember liking the part at the end even that night. In full disclosure, the song would go on to grow on me, and I even like the song now, but it was NOT the song we were looking for that night. We still bring that up to each other and laugh at times.

Today, however, I share that performance with you! Happy birthday, Axl! And enjoy, my friends!

Someday, I want to have my own tv network. I’ll call it Lisa Marie Television (or LMTV for short) and it’ll be like Lifetime but with the Lisa Marie difference. What’s the Lisa Marie difference? Sweetheart, if you have to ask, you’ll never know.

Anyway, as I wait for that day to come, I’m going to continue my series of posts on my favorites of 2013 by telling you about some of the best things that I saw on television over the course of the previous year. Here they are, in random order:

1) The series finale of Breaking Bad

Perfection.

2) The series finale of The Office

After a rough couple of seasons, The Office redeemed itself with a perfect conclusion. How can you do any better than Jim and Pam moving to Texas?

3) Children’s Hospital on Adult Swim

Without a doubt, the funniest 15 minutes on television.

4) Burning Love on E!

E! broadcast episodes of the hilarious, Bachelor-parodying web series in 2013 and gave everyone a chance to follow Julie as she pined for Blaze and asked lucky bachelors, “Will you hold my box?”

5) SyFy Saturdays

This year, my Saturday night ritual was to gather online with the Snarkalecs and watch an original movie on SyFy. And while all of the Normals (as we refer to the rest of the world) were going crazy over Sharknado, the Snarkalecs knew that End of the World was a hundred times better.

6) The only likable team won The Amazing Race 23

I can’t remember their names but I can remember that I liked them more than Tim & Marie, Nicole & Travis, and Leo & Jamal.

7) Bonnie and Clyde

Broadcast on three different networks and over two separate nights, Bonnie and Clyde was big, silly, over-the-top, glamorous, and full of style. It made me want to go out and rob a bank while looking good doing it.

8) Orange is the New Black

We lost a lot of good shows in 2013 but, fortunately, we also gained a few new ones.

9) South Park satirizes Obama and Game of Thrones

I like one of those targets and dislike the other (guess which is which) but the important thing is that both of them have reached a point where they deserve to be satirized. Not surprisingly, South Park continues to be one of the few show to have the guts to ridicule the topics that other shows are too cowardly to touch.

10) Bates Motel

Bates Motel was frequently uneven but it was always worth watching for Vera Farmiga and Max Thieriot.

11) The Space Kitten

That little space kitten that was singing Wrecking Ball at the American Music Awards? Adorable!

12) Jimmy Kimmel

Whether he was causing Kanye West to have a meltdown or posting fake videos on YouTube, 2013 was the year of Kimmel.

13) The Talking Dead

Look, we all know that The Walking Dead is great but, for me, The Talking Dead is usually the highlight of AMC on Sunday night. Chris Hardwick is adorable to begin with but the moment he choked up while discussing the death of Herschel confirmed that he’s not just a host. He’s a true fan as well.

14) Miley Cyrus at the VMAs

It was tacky, it was shocking, it was disturbing, it got people talking and overreacting, and it was everything that television should be. (That said, I would like to point out that — despite what some members of the media seem to believe — twerking existed long before Miley Cyrus decided to make it a part of her act. I was twerking back when Miley was still Hannah Montana.)

15) That episode of Girls with Patrick Wilson

One of the best 25 minutes of television ever, and not just because Patrick Wilson is super hot.

16) The Herstory of Dance and Intro to Felt Surrogacy episodes of Community

Without the guiding vision of Dan Harmon, Community‘s fourth season was undeniably rough. However, these two episodes reminded us that Community still had something to offer. (That said, I’m glad Dan Harmon’s back for season 5…)

17) Colton walks off Survivor …. again

Colton Cumbie is one of the most loathsome people to ever show up on a reality TV show so it was satisfying to see him utterly fail to win Survivor not once but twice.

18) The Big Brother Blog got a new writer named Lisa Marie

This year, Bill Lage asked me to write episode recaps for the Big Brother Blog. Of course, I said yes and, for three months, I had a lot of fun keeping people updated with what all of the loathsome people in the Big Brother house were up to. I made a lot of new friends and I even made a persistent enemy named Maggie Long, a poor little internet troll who just couldn’t handle the fact that I encouraged my readers to “Stay supple!” It was a lot of fun and I look forward to doing it all over again in 2014.

19) Winter Storm Cleon caused the local news people to freak out!

Yes, we did get some snow and ice down here in December. Unlike you folks up North, those of us in Texas only see snow and ice every other year so, whenever it does show up, you can be sure that all of the local newspeople are going to panic. That’s exactly what happened this year and it was fun to watch.

20) Degrassi!

My favorite Canadian show came back!