Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime.

This week, Epstein gets a story of his very own.

Episode 4.16 “The Goodbye Guy”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on February 1oth, 1979)

Barbarino is gone.  Gabe is gone.  It’s Epstein’s turn to step up and become the center of the show.

Epstein is upset because he has wrestling tickets but the other Sweathogs all have dates for the evening,  For some reason, Epstein decides to go the Kotter apartment even though Gabe is — *ahem* — out of town.  Was Epstein planning on asking Julie to go see a wrestling match with him?  We’ll never know because Julie is not at the apartment.  She’s at the faculty dance with Mr. Woodman.

Mr. Woodman’s niece, Kelly (Georganne LaPiere), is at the apartment, babysitting the rarely-seen Kotter twins.  (I was actually starting to think that Gabe might have abducted the twins and moved to Long Island with them, it’s been so long since we’ve seen or heard from any of them.)  Kelly is a college student but she looks considerably younger than Epstein, who is supposedly just a high school senior.  That said, it’s love at first sight between Kelly and Epstein.  Mr. Woodman’s not happy about that and orders Kelly to stay away from the Sweathog.  So, of course, Kelly moves in with Epstein.

It’s as culture clash, of course.  Kelly is smart and sophisticated.  Epstein has been in high school for ten years and says that his dream is to own a fleet of dump trucks.  After Kelly laughs at his dream and Epstein makes a scene at a vegetarian restaurant, it looks like their love might be doomed!

Well, that happens when you move in with someone after knowing them for two hours….

“I’m going to miss you, Fido,” Epstein says after they have one final conversation in the high school courtyard.  The audience says “Awwwww!” but I think Kelly made the right decision to walk way because Epstein is never going to graduate high school.  The show’s producers obviously intended to keep the Sweathogs in that school forever.  Add to that, how can you love a guy who nicknames you after a dog?

Speaking of nicknames, why does Epstein tolerate being called “Little Juan” by Horshack?  When this show began, Epstein was the most dangerous and unstable of the Sweathogs.  He was the one who was voted most likely to take a life.  I remember at least a few episodes where he brought a knife to school.  Epstein was always on the verge of exploding, which made his character an interesting one.  If Kotter could reach Epstein, he could reach anyone.  But now, Epstein is just as bland and well-behaved as everyone else in the show.  It’s a shame.

Oh well.  At least Woodman was happy by the end of this episode.

We’re nearly done with this show!  Only a few more episodes to go.  Will Gabe ever return?  We’ll find out.