Alex Mann | Through the Shattered Lens

Put yourself in the shoes of the townspeople in 1971’s I Drink Your Blood.

Here you are. You’re minding your own business. Life isn’t great because of the economic downtown. Your town is nearly deserted and is basically full of empty buildings. In fact, it seems like there are currently more construction workers around then townspeople. The workers are working on the dam. Maybe a dam will help the area. Maybe it won’t.

The sexist construction workers are kind of a pain but then, things get even worse when a bunch of hippies show up. Led by the mysterious Horace Bones (played by dancer Bhaskar Roy Chowdhury), these are not your typical (if annoying) peace-and-love hippies. These hippies have more in common with the Manson Family than they do with the commune folks from Easy Rider. They are a remarkably diverse group of hippies. Some of them are young. Some of them are older. Some of them really enjoy attacking other people. Some of them are just along for the ride. For his part, Horace is really into Satanism and human sacrifice and he encourages his followers to feel the same way. Has anyone nice ever been named Horace Bones?

When the cultists assault a local girl named Sylvia (Arlene Farber), they are confronted in the abandoned building in which they are squatting by Sylvia’s grandfather, Doc Banner (Richard Bowler). They proceed to beat up the kindly doctor and they force him to take LSD. Sylvia’s younger brother, Pete (Riley Mills), get revenge by injecting the blood of a rabid dog into several pies and then selling them to Horace and his hippies. Almost all of the hippies eat the pies and soon, they are foaming at the mouth and rampaging through the countryside, infected by and spreading rabies. One of the hippie women ends up having sex with all of the construction workers, which leads to the rabies spreading even more. Soon, it’s hippies vs hardhats as the fights happening across the real world are repeated in small town America. Of course, there’s no police around to break up the fights and, thanks to the rabies, everyone is fighting to the death. Heads are ripped off. Electric knives are used to carve more than just food. People are set on fire. Blood is definitely drank.

Only one hippie didn’t eat the pies. Andy (Tyde Kierney) was never a big fan of Horace’s Manson-like tendencies and he pretty much draws the line at human sacrifice. Andy flees from Horace’s world and finds himself with Sylvia, Pete, and Mildred (Elizabeth Marner-Brooks), the owner of the local bakery. The four of them struggle to survive in a world that has literally gone mad.

I Drink Your Blood was, not surprisingly, controversial when it was first released. It was one of the few films to be given an X-rating for its violence as opposed to its sexual content. It is definitely violent, though it’s really nowhere near as graphic as some of the R-rated horror films that have come out over the past few years.

I Drink Your Blood is a classic grindhouse film, one that takes a fairly ridiculous premise and works wonders with it. The crazed hippies fighting the far more blue collar construction workers stand in for the fanatical soldiers in America’s cultural wars, with innocents like Sylvia, Pete, and Mildred caught in the middle with Andy. Director David Durston mixes horror and satire with a deft hand, suggesting that the rabies is ultimately just allowing people to show their true selves. I Drink Your Blood is an underground classic and thematically, it’s portrayal of a rabid world is just as relevant today as when it was first released.

For the past four days, we’ve been taking a chronological look at some of the best and worst films about high school and teenagers. We started with two films from 1946 and now, 19 reviews later, we are approaching what may very well be the golden age of high school films, the 1980s. However, before we officially start in on the 80s, I would like to take a look at two films from 1979.

The first of these films is Malibu High and, despite the generic title, it’s perhaps one of the strangest movies ever made. Whether that strangeness is intentional (as I believed the first time I watched the film) or simply the result of inept filmmaking (as I started to suspect after I watched it a second time) is the question.

Malibu High tells the story of Kim Bentley (Jill Lansing), who is literally the most jaded high school senior ever. When the film begins, we watch as she wakes up in the morning, sits naked in her bedroom, takes a long drag off of a cigarette, and stares into a mirror with a look that suggests she’s on the verge of attacking her own reflection. Kim’s mother (Phyllis Benson) yells at her that she’s going to be late for school. Kim shouts back that maybe if her mother had made an effort to actually dress up and look good then maybe Kim’s father wouldn’t have committed suicide.

Kim Bentley prepares to face another day at Malibu High.

Once she does arrive at school, things don’t get any better for Kim. She’s dumped by her boyfriend, Kevin (Stuart Taylor). Kevin, it seems, would rather date a girl with more money and less mental issues so he starts going out with the spoiled Annette (Tammy Taylor). Soon, Kim is failing all of her classes, having flashbacks to the day that she found her father’s body hanging in his study, and working for the local pimp/drug dealer Tony (Alex Mann).

Kim, however, is determined to turn her life around. She seduces (and subsequently blackmails) all of her male teachers and is soon getting straight A’s in every class except for English, which happens to be the only class she takes that is taught by a woman. When the high school’s principal figures out what Kim is doing, Kim responds by undressing in front of him and causing him to have a fatal heart attack.

Meanwhile, Kim meets Lance (Garth Howard), another pimp who is a little more refined than Tony. Kim is soon working for Lance but, after she stabs a client to death with an ice pick, Lance realizes that Kim has actually missed her calling and he puts her to work seducing and assassinating rival gangsters. As the movie reaches its conclusion, Kim in not only a rich honor student but she’s now a professional assassin as well.

What more could Kim want out of life, right?

However, Kim is still obsessed with her ex and, one day, she happens to see Kevin and Annette on the beach….

Ellen Burstyn did it better.

The first time I saw Malibu High, I assumed that it had to be a satire. That was the only way I could think to justify the film’s over-the-top performances, melodramatic plot, and heavy-handed dialogue. I mean, what else could I think when the film actually goes so far as to feature Kim saying, “I’m serious …. DEAD SERIOUS!” before assassinating a gangster. Or how about Annette’s description of Kim: “She’s a piece of shit! She’s proving she’s a piece of shit!” Add that to the fact that the plot is basically a version of one of those old educational films where making the slightest mistake leads to the most extreme consequences possible and how could I not think that Malibu High was actually a brilliant satire?

However, on subsequent viewings, it’s become more apparent that Malibu High‘s satire is of the unintentional kind. In fact, it’s amazing just how seriously Malibu High actually does take itself. The end result is a film that’s not meant to be funny but still manages to be hilarious.

You may not be surprised to discover that Malibu High was a product of Crown International Pictures. And, like most CIP films, it can be found in a few dozen different box sets. And it’s worth watching just so you can say that you’ve had the experience.