Category Archives: Christmas movies

Brad reviews CHRISTMAS CRASH (2009), starring Michael Madsen and Alexandra Paul! 

Posted on by Bradley Crain

As I scrolled through the “Recommended” movies on Tubi last night, I came across this one movie, CHRISTMAS CRASH, that intrigued me. It sounded sort of like a Hallmark movie, but it starred Michael Madsen, an actor I couldn’t possibly imagine in a Hallmark movie. Check out this description on Tubi… 

“An unhappily married couple is presumed dead after their private plane crashes in the woods, but reconnects as their survival offers a second chance.” 

All bad grammar aside, it was very late at night and I was looking for something that required zero functioning brain cells, and this seemed to fit the bill. Also, I had recently watched Madsen in the theatrical release of KILL BILL: THE WHOLE BLOODY AFFAIR, where he was so good, so I thought I’d check out his performance as the husband reconnecting with his wife, played here by Alexandra Paul (BAYWATCH). 

After watching CHRISTMAS CRASH, all I can say is that I still can’t imagine Michael Madsen in anything that resembles a Hallmark movie. To say that he was “miscast as the beleaguered husband attempting to reconnect with his wife while attempting to survive the trek back to civilization after the plane crash” just may be my understatement of the year. There was nothing about his performance that seemed remotely realistic from the very beginning to the very end. Still, his uncomfortable line delivery, whether it be in a tense board meeting, out in the middle of the woods, or at a Christmas party at the end of the movie, is my favorite part of the movie. It was oddly enjoyable in a way that I can’t quite explain. Alexandra Paul does come off a little better as she proves to have some determined survival instincts, but this will not be on anyone’s list of career highlights. 

CHRISTMAS CRASH has some pretty Canadian scenery as the married couple fly their plane over some beautiful mountains before crash landing in a beautiful, frigid lake. Luckily for them though, they’re able to swim to the shore, start a small, but obviously very warm, fire and somehow not succumb to hypothermia. And the weather, at least based on the news reports their terrified daughters are seeing on TV, is so terrible that search and rescue efforts have to be suspended. The problem is we never see any of this bad weather. What we’re shown looks fine! I laughed out loud when I saw that weather report coupled with beautiful sunshine! I will admit that I was worried about the big gash on Madsen’s lower leg after the accident, especially since it looked so dirty. But after the initial application of a homemade tourniquet, it wasn’t really mentioned any further. After about thirty minutes of screen time with no grody scenes of leg re-dressing, I quit worrying about it. And then there are the wolves that attempt to make a snack of our couple. I’ve seen THE GREY with Liam Neeson and I’ve been to Yellowstone, so I know that wolves are very dangerous. Let’s just say that the wolves of CHRISTMAS CRASH are too easily fended off with a medium-sized stick to ever feel too dangerous. There was this one moment where it appeared a wolf might have been biting on Madsen’s injured character for a moment, but after they run off, it’s never mentioned or shown that he was injured in any way, so I guess that wolf didn’t have any teeth. 

My initial thoughts on at least a superficial connection between CHRISTMAS CRASH and the Hallmark channel did prove perceptive, as the movie is directed by Terry Ingram. A quick review of Mr. Ingram’s directorial credits on IMDB reveal an extensive connection to Hallmark, with generic titles such as HATS OFF TO CHRISTMAS, ‘TIS THE SEASON FOR LOVE, and THE MISTLETOE SECRET. Despite the director’s apparent love of the season and the fact this movie is titled CHRISTMAS CRASH, it sure doesn’t feel very Christmassy. With extremely limited changes, this movie could be set in any season, so don’t expect any feelings of genuine Yuletide spirit. 

Overall, I’d say the best thing about CHRISTMAS CRASH is that it’s a 90 minute movie that has potential value in a “so bad it’s funny” kind of way. I think it would be fun to watch with friends, or as a “Live Movie Tweet” on social media. I watched the whole movie, had a few unintentional laughs, and when it was over around 1:00 in the morning, I went to bed none the worse for the wear.

On Strike for Christmas (Dir Robert Iscove), Review by Case Wright

Posted on by casewright

On Strike for Christmas was fun because I got to live tweet it with Lisa and that’s always a blast. The story is straight forward- Joy (Daphne Zuniga), a SAHM, is fed up with being unappreciated for her hard work in prepping for Christmas; so, she goes full-commie and strikes/organizes the other moms to fall into the perils of communism by unionizing the moms to stop all Christmas prep! Honestly, I could’ve reviewed this film for Horrorthon based upon the Marxist plot line!

I want to stay as positive as I can because it’s Christmastime but the film took a WEIRD left turn! First, the grandmother, the mom, the dad, AND the two sons were really close in age; so, you had serious teen mom vibe. Second, it was obvious that ALL of the actors had the hots for each other! It was like infamous Folgers ad (see below ).

If you are unfamiliar with the Folgers ad above, the plot is that a brother returns from Africa and the actors couldn’t help but show their attraction for one another. The same distracting event happened in this film too and not just once or twice – no no no – the sexual tension in this film was like Madmen season 1 levels and in nearly every scene.

There was one scene where the mom dressed up and the son gushed on how hot she was and it was very uncomfortable. I swear, find someone who looks at you like these actors looked at each other!!!

There were some funny parts to the film; such as, the obligatory trope that the boys and dad tried to make cookies and it’s a disaster. However, it really felt like the family had a lot of problems before this because the mom proceeded to not only go on strike, but to talk to journalists about all of her family were just POSs. I mean really if you’re already at the point where you feel comfortable going to the press about what garbage people your husband is and your son’s, the marriage is already over. And in her case, it certainly was awkward at Valentine’s Day when her dad and sons/boyfriends gave her chocolate all at the same time!!! I can only imagine what the hallmark card would look like!!!

Lisa noticed that the mom wasn’t just going on strike herself, but she proceeded to break up every family in the town. Joy needs to be stopped! I mean, it’s bad enough that she’s led all these poor people down the path of socialism and communism, which is just painful for me, but she’s also splitting up all these families!

Maybe that’s what happened in Russia? It was all just a big kerfuffle over cookies and icing and the next thing you know – nukes are pointed right at the good old US of A!!!

It should be noted that eventually the strike does end and the families try to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives. I think that was very insensitive of Joy because she always had her son/boyfriend’s number to fall back on during those cold winter nights!!!

“Christmas Caper”, Review by Case Wright (Dir. David Winkler, Writers: April Blair & Brian Gunn)

Posted on by casewright

I watched Christmas Caper with Lisa and, as always, it was a wonderful time. It’s weird to have a friend who is way cooler than you, but I’ll take it! “Christmas Caper” had some great lines and a clear story arc, but was what really stands is its similarity to “Dazed and Confused” in this way: it was a springboard for many careers attached to it. April Blair, the writer, went on to write for… everything and the actors all had bright careers for decades. I’m used to Hallmark, which is A LOT more strict. I was in talks to have script made for Hallmark, but it was funny and had Mrs. Claus as the heroine and they just couldn’t wrap their heads around a female lead like that. Here, we have Cate Dove (Shannen Doherty), a gentlewoman thief, who is the heroine- Hallmark would say – BLASPHEMY!!!! Needless to say, I was primed to enjoy this movie.

The film opens with Cate and Clive (Conrad Coates) who are doing a “Mission Impossible” style heist at a home that has A LOT of security. For a plot device, both Cate and Clive remove their masks for the security cameras. (Note: To the homeowner, maybe you should move? I get that you have this fancy pants gem in your house and the schools are a 10/10 on “SchoolDigger,” but if you have this many problems with crime, have you considered another neighborhood or starting a neighborhood watch? I understand it’s hard to move, but I had to pull the trigger on that and leave my beloved Seattle. It’s ok bro, let’s hug it out and call Remax.) They steal a precious gem, but Clive runs off with the gem, leaving Cate to escape as best she can, but there’s a APB out for her with a picture of her everywhere.

Cate flees to NYC to go to her fence Duffy (Michael Northey) to figure out her next move. The inciting incident is that Cate has a goody too shoes sister Savannah (Sonya Salomaa) who is trapped in the Caribbean with her husband Brian and they need child care. Cate is Savannah’s last choice because she’s a degenerate, but Cate decides to watch her niece and nephew because she needs to lay low. Cate goes to Comfort, USA and watches the kids. She rekindles a relationship with her ex who is Sheriff Harrison (Ty Olsson). The mixture of family time, romance, and Christmas puts her on a good character arc.

However, when she tries to get the gem back from Clive, she involves her niece and nephew. I didn’t really that for stranger danger issues, but it added some good comic relief and key plot point. When Cate thinks she has no money to escape and avoid arrest, she steals everyone’s Christmas presents like the Grinch, BUT her heart grows three sizes that day and she returns them all – sort of.

The movie has a nice ending and I liked the act breaks a lot. The movie had clear plot points and that makes sense because the writer, April Blair, had a HUGE career writing for television. I absolutely recommend watching this film on Tubi. It really is a lot of fun!