Bats (1999, directed by Louis Morneau)

Posted on October 10, 2021 by Jedadiah Leland

A scientist (Bob Gunton!) has genetically engineered the local population of bats in order to make them super intelligent and aggressive. Though he says that he just wanted to make sure that the bats never went extinct, the ultimate result of his experiment is that the bats are now killing all of the citizens of a small town in Texas. With the National Guard threatening to blow up the town, it’s up to Sheriff Emmett Kimsey (Lou Diamond Phillips!), Dr. Alexandra McCabe (Dina Meyer!), and assistant Jimmy Sands (Leon, so cool that he only needs one name!) to figure out how destroy the bats without destroying everyone’s home.

Now, this is how you make a killer bat movie! There’s a lot of stupid things about Bats but it’s still a thousand times better than Nightwing. I liked the idea of superintelligent bats more than the idea of just angry bats. The bats are too clever for the humans, often seeing straight though their plans. Nightwing took itself very seriously. Bats does not and is therefore, better in every regard. The bats are always on the attack, the good guys are always running from one place to another, and the National Guard just wants to blow everything up. It’s a fun B-move, with the B standings for Bats.

You have to love that cast, too. Any movie with Lou Diamond Phillips and Leon is going to be cooler than any movie without them. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that the two of them hunt bats in their spare time because they really seemed to know what they were doing. Dina Meyer was obviously cast more because she looks like Dina Meyer than because she’s really a credible scientist but she still handles all the bat talk without embarrassing herself. Bob Gunton is a great bad guy, as always.

Bats is dumb, silly, and terrifically entertaining.

Nightwing (1979, directed by Arthur Hiller)

Posted on October 10, 2021 by Jedadiah Leland

Cattle and humans are dying in New Mexico at an alarming rate. Scientist Phillip Payne (David Warner) thinks that the local bat population has become infected with the plague. Deputy Youngman Duran (Nick Mancuso) thinks that the bats may be attacking because of a curse that was cast by a Hopi medicine man. Meanwhile, the corrupt tribal chief (Stephen Macht) just wants to sell the land to an evil land developer (Ben Piazza) and be done with it. Dr. Anne Dillion (Kathryn Harrold) tries to spread the word about the bats but the authorities don’t want the bad publicity. They’ve never seen Jaws. And, finally, a group of missionaries camp in the desert with no idea what’s about to swoop down on them.

I don’t know about you but I would never think of missing an Arthur Hiller horror movie! While many directors in the 70s proudly wore the auteur and rebel label, Arthur Hiller went the opposite route. He oversw conventional, Hollywood productions, the best known of which was Love Story. Arthur Hiller was so mainstream that he eventually served as President of the Academy. This is all to say that Arthur Hiller directed some good films and he directed some bad films but, with his total lack of any sort of personal vision, he was absolutely the wrong director to do a horror movie. Hiller’s direction is flat. He’s not mean-spirited enough to enjoy the bat attacks and instead, he focuses on the debate over whether white developers should be buying native land, as if the people watching this movie are going to be watching for the human drama. By the end of the film, the bats have almost been abandoned and the movie turns into an action film, with a group of survivors fighting off Stephen Macht’s security force.

The most interesting thing about Nightwing is catching Strother Martin, the veteran western actor who memorably talked about a failure to communicate in Cool Hand Luke, as an ex-missionary. Otherwise, the film pales in comparison to The Birds and Wolfen, the two films which it must resembles in theme and action.

Game Review: The Miller’s Garden (2021, Damon L. Wakes)

Posted on October 10, 2021 by Jedadiah Leland

The Miller’s Garden is an entrant in the 2021 Interactive Fiction Competition. All of the entries can be browsed and experienced here.

This is a simple game about nature. The miller is dead. The old mill is gone. Every day, you visit the miller’s garden. You take care of the lawn. You take care of the flowerbed. You tend to the river, which has now changed course without the presence of the mill to hold it back. With each visit, things change a little until eventually, the landscape becomes something new. That’s the game. It’s simple but it works. It only takes about 15 minutes to play and the poignant ending makes it worth the time. I know that this is the type of IF game that drives some players crazy because the choices are limited and there really aren’t any puzzles to be solved but I like the way The Miller’s Garden used the IF format to make its point. The garden and the river came alive for me.

Play the Miller’s Garden.

Game Review: Smart Theory (2021, AKheon)

Posted on October 10, 2021 by Jedadiah Leland

Smart Theory is an entrant in the 2021 Interactive Fiction Competition. All of the entries can be browsed and experienced here.

In Smart Theory, you’re a college student who is woken up one morning by Paul “Big” Brother, who is excited to have the chance to teach you about Smart Theory, the new academic theory that is sweeping the campus. Whether you go willingly or not, you will eventually end up at the assembly and you will discover what Smart Theory is all about. (Personally, it’s more enjoyable and morally more rewarding to go unwillingly.)

Originated by a Texas fertilizer salesman who was trying to win a bet, Smart Theory may seem like a bunch of movie quotes but it’s actually the new way that you are going to be expected to view the world. And while some of it may sound dumb, it can’t actually be dumb because then it wouldn’t be a smart theory! Get it?

Designed with the Twine operating system, this is less of a game than a satirical short story about the current culture of conformity on campus. The more Smart Theory is explained, the more obvious it becomes that no one is willing to point out that the emperor is wearing no clothes. The game has something important to say about being weary of any ideology that doesn’t allow its followers to question it. To enjoy this game, it probably helps if you already agree with the point that it’s making but that doesn’t make that point any less relevant.

Play Smart Theory.

Music Video of the Day: Sister Disco by The Who (1979, directed by ????)

Posted on October 10, 2021 by Jedadiah Leland

On August 1st, 1981, MTV premiered. Over the course of 24 hours, 166 unique music videos were played on MTV. Yes, there was a time when the M actually did stand for music.

The 76th video to premiere on MTV’s first day was the video for Sister Disco by The Who. Sister Disco was Pete Townshend’s way of announcing that, even though he liked a lot of disco music, The Who would never become a disco band. Even though they had a new drummer in Kenney Jones, The Who was going to keep playing the same type of music that made them famous.

This performance clip was filmed at The Concert For The People of Kampuchea, which was held in London in December of 1979. Other videos that were filmed at that same concert include Lucille by Rockestra and Little Sister, performed by Rockpile and Robert Plant.

Enjoy!

The First Videos Shown on MTV:

Music Video of the Day: I Got You by Split Enz (1980, directed by Noel Crombie)

Posted on October 9, 2021 by Jedadiah Leland

On August 1st, 1981, MTV premiered. Over the course of 24 hours, 166 unique music videos were played on MTV. Yes, there was a time when the M actually did stand for music.

The 75h video to make its MTV debut on August 1st was the video for I Got You by Split Enz. Directed by band member Noel Crombie, the video features singer Neil Finn standing in a room, singing the song in front of a picture of the other band members. The picture sometimes comes to life to help Finn get through the song. On a day that was largely dominated by performance clips, this video gave an indication of both where MTV was heading and where it was going to eventually lead the music industry.

Enjoy!

The First Videos Shown on MTV:

Pod People (a.k.a. Extra Terrestrial Visitor) (1983, directed by Juan Piquer Simon)

Posted on October 8, 2021 by Jedadiah Leland

“Trumpy, you can do stupid things!”

Everyone knows about Trumpy, the snorkel-nosed alien with telekinetic powers who befriend a lonely boy and a really bad band while his mother killed people in the forest. He was one of the stars of Pod People, which was famously lampooned by Mystery Science Theater 3000 in 1991. It became one of MST 3K’s most beloved episodes. Audiences loved the the attempts to by Joel and the Bots the decipher the song that the band is first seen performing. Was it Idiot Control Now or Tires Are Ready To Roll Now? They also loved Trumpy showing off his cool but ultimately useless powers. But why was Trumpy so good but Trumpy’s mom was so evil?

The reason is because Trumpy wasn’t originally supposed to be in the movie. Originally, the movie was just going to be about Trumpy’s mom killing poachers and stalking the band when their van broke down in the woods. But then a little movie called E.T. became a worldwide hit and the film’s backers decided that the movie needed a cute alien. Director Juan Piquer Simon, best known for the relentless gore fest that was Pieces, created Trumpy and had him befriend a child. The film became the only killer alien film made for a family audience. Families came for the cuteness of Trumpy and stayed for the scenes of Trumpy’s mom stalking a woman while she took a shower.

Weird, weird film. Have you ever tried to watch Pod People without Joel and the Bots to help you make you way through it? It’s not recommended but it can be done. A non-MST 3K version has been released on DVD under the film’s original title (Extra Terrestrial Visitor) but the movie is really boring without anyone making jokes. You can make your own jokes, I guess. You probably will.

No, Pod People is a film to watch with the Satellite of Love crew. With them, it’s a classic.

Music Video of the Day: Come What May by Lani Hall and Herb Alpert (1980, directed by ????)

Posted on October 8, 2021 by Jedadiah Leland

On August 1st, 1981, MTV premiered. Over the course of 24 hours, 166 unique music videos were played on MTV. Yes, there was a time when the M actually did stand for music.

The Pretenders video for Kid was followed by a re-showing of Iron Maiden’s video for Wrathchild. The Iron Maiden video was then followed by the 74th video to makes it MTV debut on that day, the video for Lani Hall and Herb Alpert’s Come What May. That Iron Maiden was followed by Lani Hall and Herb Alpert is a perfect example of how random MTV’s first day was. It’s also a reminder that, in 1981, there weren’t as many music videos to choose from as today. Some musicians made them. Most didn’t. MTV went with what they had and, on that first day, it did lead to some interesting juxtapositions.

This video is probably one of the lesser known to appear on MTV. Lani and Herb, though, are still married and still making wonderful music together.

Enjoy!

The First Videos Shown on MTV:

Sledgehammer (1983, directed by David A. Prior)

Posted on October 7, 2021 by Jedadiah Leland

Long ago, an adulterous couple was beaten to death by someone weilding a sledgehammer while one of the victm’s 8 year-old son watched. Ten years later, a bunch of stupid college kids decide that the farmhouse would be a great place to throw a party. Great idea! After a lot of filler, including a length foodfight, one of the partiers tells the story of the murder and then suggests holding a seance so that they can talk to “ghosts and goblins.” Everyone agrees. At first, it seems like the seance is just an extended practical joke but soon, a killer with a sledgehammer shows up.

Sledgehammer was an early direct-to-video slasher film. It was directed by David A. Prior, who later went on to become one of the buseist DTV directors of the 80s and 90s. Starring in the film was Ted Prior, brother of David. Ted plays Chuck, who is not sure whether or not he wants to marry his fiancee, Joni (Linda McGill). There’s a scene where Chuck and Joni walk through a fied in slow motion. It adds nothing to the plot but it did add to the running time, which I imagine was the intent. There are, in fact, several slow motion sequences in the film. There’s so much slow motion that it’s hard not to laugh whenever the frames start to slow down. It’s an 87 minute film but it feels like at least 20 minutes of that is due to the slow motion.

Sledgehammer is slow and dumb but it’s hard to really dislike it. The cast may be amateurish but they also appear to be having a good time and the decision to film almost the entire movie in what was then David Prior’s apartment is actually likable in a low-rent, anyone-can-make-a-movie way. The opening credits are written in generic 80s computer font and the movie ends with a lengthy “You have been watching” style montage of the cast. It’s like bad 80s synthesizer music, cheesy but impossible to hate. As for the killer, he’s stuck wearing a cheap mask but the sledgehammer is a good weapon and it actually makes him more threatening than many of his knife and axe wielding comrades.

Sledgehammer is not great. It’s not even the best thing from the 80s to be called Sledgehammer. (David Rasche rules!) But it’s better than many other direct-to-video slashers. What it lacks in creativity, it maes up for with ethusiasm.

Game Review: AardVarK Versus The Hype (2021, Truthcraze)

Posted on October 7, 2021 by Jedadiah Leland

AardVarK versus The Hype is an entrant in the 2021 Interactive Fiction Competition. All of the entries can be browsed and experienced here.

This year is 1997 and the students at the local high school have been transformed into blood-coughing, murderous zombies by the Hype, a new soft drink. It’s up to the members of the world’s great garage band, AardVarK, to defeat the Hype but doing so is going to involve solving some puzzles and spendng a lot of time at a convenience store.

This is an intentionally strange game and it takes a while to get used to the format but I dug it. There are four members of AardVarK and, throughout the game, you switch back and forth from which member of the band you’re playing. Sometimes, it can be difficult to keep track of which band member you are but I still appreciated the game’s ambition. This might be the first true enemble Interactive Fiction game that I’ve ever played.

The story is full of goofy, self-referential humor. Imagine if Kevin Smith wrote an IF game and you might have some idea of this game’s skewed perspective. It’s a fun game, though, full of odd dialogue and strange scenes. Some of the puzzles do have weird, out-there solutions but fortunately, the game comes with a HINT section that will help you out. The best thing to do with a game like this is to just type whatever pops into your head and see what happens. The joy here is from the journey and seeing just how weird things can get!

Play AardVark Versus The Hype.