I Watched “Holiday In Handcuffs” (2007, Dir. by Ron Underwood)


Lisa recommended Holiday in Handcuffs to me.  I said, “I need a break from Hallmark Christmas romances.”  She said, “A.C. Slater in handcuffs.”  I said, “I’ll hold onto the key.”

It’s Christmas time but Trudie (Melissa Joan Hart) doesn’t want to go home.  She fears that she’s disappointed her parents (Timothy Bottoms and Markie Post) because she’s only a cook in a diner and she doesn’t have a rich boyfriend.  Then she sees the obviously successful David Martin (Mario Lopez) having lunch at the diner so she decides to kidnap him, take him home for Christmas, and tell everyone that they’re a couple.  That’s a crime, by the way.

I’m almost embarrassed about how much I enjoyed this movie.  I respect the law and I don’t think you should break it, even to get a boyfriend.  You shouldn’t kidnap anyone, especially at Christmas.  Trudie and David won me over, though.  This was made for ABC Family so even though it involves a kidnapping, it’s a very nice kidnapping.  Trudie may have committed a felony and, at first, David isn’t happy about being kidnapped but soon, Trudie and David are falling in love.  David goes from calling the cops to getting down on one knee. June Lockhart plays Trudie’s grandmother and calls the police “pigs.”  That’s the power of Christmas.   It’s a cute movie that features a heroine who does the exact thing that you should not try at home and who gets Mario Lopez as a result.  Maybe it’s just the holiday spirit getting to me but I loved this unhinged Christmas romance.

I Watched Small Town Santa (2014, Dir. by Joel Paul Reisig)


 

Sheriff Rick Langston (Dean Cain) is having a terrible holiday season.  When his ex-wife tells him that she doesn’t want him coming over for Christmas to see their daughter, Sheriff Langston goes to her house and is shocked to discover a fat man with a white beard having a sandwich in the kitchen.  The man (Paul Hopper) says he’s Santa Claus.  Rick says the man’s under arrest.  Everyone in town thinks that Rick is a real Grinch, tossing Santa Claus in jail.  But even behind bars, Santa has a way of solving people’s problems.

This is the second film that I’ve watched in two days in which Dean Cain plays a sheriff who arrests Santa.  I guess this is the Dean Cain Christmas Cinematic Universe.  It would have been funny if Dean Cain had been playing the same sheriff that he played in Defending Santa.  How many times can this happen to the same person?  In a few years, maybe they will remake The Santa Clause with Dean Cain’s sheriff having to replace Santa after one of his arrests goes wrong.

Small Town Santa has some cute scenes.  Rick has a dream where everyone in town turns into Santa and starts telling him how much he sucks.  There was a scene with an amateur Christmas pageant that I could relate to.  (My 5th grade performance as Shepherd #3 was critically acclaimed!)  Speaking of amateurish, some of the acting could be described that way but Dean Cain is believable and likable as the burned-out small town sheriff.  Keep an eye out for the “Real Heroes Don’t Wear Capes” poster.

Santa Claus solves everyone’s problems.  I knew he would!

I Watched Defending Santa (2013, Dir. by Brian Skiba)


After finding a portly man with a big white beard passed out in a snowbank, small town Sheriff Scott Hanson (Dean Cain) brings him to the hospital.  When the man wakes up, he says that his name is Kris Kringle (Bill Lewis) but you can call him Santa Claus.  Kris uses his powers to give the children in the hospital what they want.  (He creates a miniature pony for one girl.)  District Attorney Robert Nielson (Gary Hudson) thinks that Kris is a public danger and wants to have him put in the mental ward.  Public defender Sarah Walker (Jud Taylor) defends Kris and falls back in love with her ex-boyfriend, Scott.  Santa Claus spreads his magic across town.  He detoxifies the town drunk but not even Santa can save the life of a dying child.  That scene was very sad.

Have you ever wanted to see Santa Claus play football with Dean Cain and Full House‘s Jodie Sweetin?  This is the movie for you!  Santa Claus plays in the park and even does a front flip.  Go Santa Claus Go!  But then old St. Nick also uses his powers to cause another player’s pants to fall down during a key play, which allows Dean Cain’s team to win the game.  That’s cheating, which I was always told put you on the naughty list.

Speaking of being on the naughty list, it doesn’t ever make sense that the district attorney is so obsessed with putting Kris Kringle.  Santa Claus never hurt anyone.  Trying to put Santa Claus in jail before Christmas is definitely worth a lump of coal in your stocking!  Defending Santa is an okay Hallmark Christmas movie but don’t spend too much time trying to make it make sense.