Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.14 “Wheeling”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

Things get weird in California.

Episode 3.14 “Wheeling”

(Dir by Barry Crane, originally aired on December 8th, 1979)

This is one of those weird episodes where Ponch and Jon just keep running into the same people over and over again.

Artie (Paul Gale), Don (Ray Vittie), and Alan (Ron Lombard) are all in wheelchairs but they’re not going to let that stop them from enjoying life and, far more dangerously, playing tag while driving on the highway.  Artie’s van taps Alan’s car.  Alan taps Don’s car.  Don tries to tap Artie’s van.  It’s dangerous and Ponch and Jon, when they see it, promptly pull the three men over.  Ponch is impressed with Artie’s joie d’vivre.  As usual, Baker is less impresses and is like, “You — of all people! — should understand the danger!”  (I swear, poor Larry Wilcox.  While Erik Estrada got to smile through each episode, it always fell on Wilcox to be the killjoy.)

That said, both Jon and Ponch came to admire Artie and his determination to make sure that all of his wheelchair-bound friends get the most out of life.  They even help Artie present a fancy new wheelchair to Brent (David Gilliam), a surfer who has not been able to bring himself to leave the hospital ever since he learned that he will never walk again.

Artie and the gang help out Jon and Ponch as well.  Jon and Ponch are searching for a blue car that was involved in a street race that left one teenager with a broken leg.  The teenager’s father, Harry (Taylor Lacher), has been speeding up and down the freeway, searching for the car.  Harry even made a citizens arrest, though Delgado (Fil Formicola) had an alibi for the time that Harry’s son was injured.  While Delgado makes plans to sue Harry for false arrest. Artie happens to spot the blue car that Jon and Ponch are looking for.  Way to go, Artie!

But then, after all of this, Artie and his friends decide to race on Harry’s street.  Harry goes crazy.  He jumps in his car and takes off after Artie’s van, not realizing that Artie was the one who helped the police catch the guy who hit Harry’s son.  It leads to a huge accident at a construction site.  The van flips over.  Harry’s car flips over.  Harry breaks his leg.  Artie’s breaks both of his arms.  The judge sentences Harry to serve as Artie’s manservant until Artie’s arms heal.  Everyone has a good laugh, including Harry.

What a weird episode!  I mean, its heart was definitely in the right place.  The whole point of the episode was that Artie and his friends were just as capable as anyone who could walk.  That’s a good message.  But, then, out of nowhere, Artie is suddenly involved in a street race and Harry is trying to crash into his van.  And then, at the end of it, everyone finds it all to be terrifically amusing.  And somehow, Ponch and Jon manage to be at the scene of every incident involved Harry, Artie, and Artie’s friends.  Like, seriously, what are the odds?  There are other highway patrolmen in California.

Again, a strange episode.  As always, the scenery was nice.  It’s always fun to see what the world looked like in 1979.  And I appreciated that this episode made a strong case for people not taking it upon themselves to make a citizens arrest because, seriously, people who do that tend to be so obnoxious.

Anyway, I enjoyed it.  It was just weird enough to be fun.  Drive safely out there!

Holiday Sweets: Fred Astaire in THE MAN IN THE SANTA CLAUS SUIT (NBC-TV 1979)


gary loggins's avatarcracked rear viewer

Eighty year old Fred Astaire takes on nine different roles in THE MAN WITH THE SANTA CLAUS SUIT, his next to last film. Fred is as charming and debonair as ever, and his presence is what carries the saccharine script, with three varied tales of romance, comedy, and drama interwoven and played by a cast of Familiar TV and Movie Faces, kind of like a “very special Christmas episode” of THE LOVE BOAT.

Gary Burghoff (M*A*S*H’s Radar) is a nerdy math teacher in love with his neighbor, a beautiful (are there any other kind?) fashion model (Tara Buckman, THE CANNONBALL RUN). The model secretly digs him too, but the nerd’s too shy to express his feelings, until a chance encounter with a jeweler (Fred) leads him to rent a Santa suit and propose before she makes the mistake of marrying a rich, handsome playboy (again, are there any other kind?)…

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Film Review: Thank God, It’s Friday (dir by Robert Klane)


529thank_god_its_friday

So, I just finished watching Thank God, It’s Friday, a movie from 1978.  It’s an episodic comedy, one that follows a group of genuinely unlikable characters as they all gather in one genuinely unlikable location and proceed to have some fairly generic experiences.

For example, there’s the married couple and the husband needs to loosen up.  There’s the DJ who is going to lose his job if he can’t deliver the big stars that he’s promised.  There’s the short, violent guy who is upset because he’s been set up on a date with a tall woman.  There’s the dental hygienist who comes across like she’s desperately trying to convince everyone that she’s eccentric when she’s really just boring.  (We all know the type.)  There’s the teenager girls who try to sneak into the club, despite being underage.  There’s the two dorky guys who are looking for love.  There’s the two dorky girls who are looking for love.

In fact, everyone in the movie is looking for love!  Except for Jeff Goldblum!  He just wants to get laid.  He manages the club where everyone has gathered on this particular Friday.  He’s a womanizer.  We can tell because he wears a red jacket and his shirt is half-buttoned.  Goldblum decides that he wants to break up the married couple.  Boo!  Hiss!  But wait a minute — neither the husband nor the wife are likable or interesting.  Go, Jeff, go!  BREAK UP THAT BORINGASS MARRIAGE!

Oh!  And Nicole (Donna Summer) is wandering around the club too.  She wants a chance to perform but the DJ refuses to let her.  So, eventually, she just grabs a microphone and she starts to sing.  Luckily, the song she sings is Last Dance and, by singing it, she gives everyone an excuse to go home.  If you’ve ever been to a karaoke night, you know that, as soon as a drunk sings Last Dance, it’s time to pay the bill and get the Hell out of there.

Last Dance was apparently written specifically for Thank God, It’s Friday.  Or maybe Thank God, It’s Friday was written specifically for Last Dance, who knows?  What we do know is that Last Dance won the Oscar for Best Original Song.  That’s right — Thank God, It’s Friday is an Oscar winner and therefore, will always be enshrined with fellow Oscar winners like Crash, Titanic, and SPECTRE.

(Which songs did Thank God, It’s Friday beat?  It defeated a song from Grease, which is a good thing because Grease is even more annoying than Thank God, It’s Friday.  That’s right, I said it.  And you know it’s true.)

Anyway, Thank God, It’s Friday is a really bad movie, one that is full of bad writing, bad jokes, bad performances, and indifferent direction.  It’s tempting to say that the music was really good but actually, we don’t hear much of the music.  The movie is often more concerned about what’s happening in the club’s parking lot than in what is happening (and being heard) on the inside.  We may not hear much music but we do get to see some pretty icky racial stereotyping and who would guess that a movie about disco would be so homophobic?

(We don’t see any cocaine, though I’m sure you could probably hear the key grip and the gaffer snorting a line off-camera if you listened closely enough.  A lot of the cast looked pretty wired.)

ANYWAY — here’s the important thing about Thank God, It’s Friday.  Occasionally, I’ll watch a movie like Dazed and Confused or Boogie Nights or Saturday Night Fever and I’ll get jealous because I know that I’ll never get a chance to experience the 70s first hand.  Fortunately, something like Thank God, It’s Friday will always be around to reassure me, “No, Lisa.  The 70s sucked!”

Thank God, it’s Friday?

No, thank God the movie’s over.

"Is it Friday yet!?"

“Is it Friday yet!?”

Actually, you know what?  I can’t end this review without sharing this film’s trailer:

Doesn’t Skatetown, USA look better?

Oh well!  Sing us out of here, Donna!