Lifetime Film Review: Teenage Bank Heist (dir by Doug Campbell)


It’s just another day at the bank….

Cassie Aveson (Abbie Cobb) is a directionless teenager whose life has been going nowhere since high school.  Her mother, Joyce (Maeve Quinlan), encourages Cassie to at least consider going to junior college but Cassie says that she’s not even sure that she ever wants to go to college at all.  (I tried that same argument on my mom after I graduated high school.  I didn’t get very far.)  Wanting to spend more time with her daughter, single mother Joyce arranges for Cassie to get a job at the same bank where Joyce works.

So far so good, right?  Unfortunately, when three masked robbers using voice distortion devices rob the bank, one of them grabs Cassie and takes her as a hostage.  Another one of the robbers shoots a security guard.  After the robbers take off with Cassie and $600,000 in stolen money, Joyce is shocked to discover that FBI Agent Mendoza (Rosa Blaasi) suspects that Cassie was in on the robbery.

“Do you have children?” Joyce asks Mendoza..

After hesitating, Mendoza admits that she does not.  Well, that’s all we need to know about her!  Unless you have children, you have no right to suspect that anyone’s child might be involved in a crime.  So, I guess, maybe don’t join the FBI if that’s the case because your job is going to be super-difficult.

As for Cassie, she is innocent as far as the bank robbery is concerned.  However, she does know the three people under the masks.  She went to high school with them.  Grace Miller (Davida Williams) is the concerned and responsible friend who is planning on going to law school, even if she’s currently serving as a get away driver.  Marie (Augie Duke) is the bad girl who has a heavily tattooed boyfriend named Nick (James Ferris) and who was probably voted Most Likely To Shoot A Security Guard.  And finally, Abbie (Cassi Thomson) is the apologetic outcast who Cassie was once suspended for defending.

It’s a teenage bank heist!

Released in 2012, Teenage Bank Heist is one of the best of the old school Lifetime films.  It not only embraces the melodrama but it holds on tight and demands even more.  Grace and Abbi have a reason for robbing the bank that goes beyond simple thrills but to reveal all of the details would not be fair to those who have yet to see the film.  One of the joys of Teenage Bank Heist is that it’s a film that continually leaves you shocked as to how far it takes things.  Teenage Bank Heist is totally over-the-top, ludicrous, and just a ton of fun.  Watching this film, you will believe that a bunch of teenage girls can rob a bank and get involved in an international incident.  You will also believe that a suburban movie can pick up a gun and become an ice cold vigilante when she needs to.  It’s Lifetime at its best.

Early on in the film, there’s a beautiful shot of a bunch of loose bills floating in the air.  It’s the type of shot that reminds us that we’re watching a film by Doug Campbell, who was responsible for the best Lifetime films.  Teenage Bank Heist is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi and you should watch it immediately.  Do it for every teenager who has ever literally had no choice but to rob a bank.  It happens more often than you may think.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #130: Double Daddy (dir by Lee Friedlander)


Why was I tired enough to tweet that?  Because late last night, after a very long day of work and dance, I rewatched the Lifetime original movie Double Daddy.

Double Daddy

Why Was I Watching It?

I’m still in the process of trying to clear up space on my DVR.  So, last night, as I battled my need for sleep, I forced myself to rewatch a Lifetime film from June so that I could review it and erase it.  I didn’t care much for Double Daddy the first time that I watched it and the second time, I cared for it even less.

And, of course, because I stayed up to watch it a second time, I was exhausted for most of today.  Bleh.

What Was It About?

BLEH!

Okay, I guess that doesn’t tell you much.  Connor (Cameron Palatas) is a high school jock who, at the start of the film, is drunkenly stumbling around the most boring high school party ever.  New girl Heather (Brittany Curran) ends up having a one night stand with him.  As a result, Heather gets pregnant.  At the same time, Connor’s girlfriend, Amanda (Mollee Gray), discovers that she’s pregnant as well!

That’s right — Connor’s about to be a double daddy!

Of course, since this is a Lifetime film, Heather is also a psycho who carries a knife and starts to plot Amanda’s death…

It all probably sounds more interesting than it actually is.

What Worked?

I was tempted to say that nothing worked about Double Daddy but that’s not quite true.  Brittany Curran was memorably demented in the role of Heather.  In fact, she gave such a good performance that I found myself rooting for Heather, regardless of how much of a murderous psycho she eventually turned out to be.  Heather may have been crazy but at least she wasn’t boring.

What Did Not Work?

I’m just going to say it: of the many Lifetime films that I’ve watched over the years, Double Daddy is one of my least favorite.  No, it’s not as bad as The Unauthorized Saved By The Bell Story but then again, what is?  With the exception of Brittany Curran, the performances are dull and the actors get no help from a script that is both heavy-handed and simple-minded.

Perhaps worst of all, there’s a nasty strain of slut shaming that runs through Double Daddy.  Amanda and Heather are held to different standards while Connor is held to no standard at all.  Judgmental and bland Amanda is presented as being saintly, largely because she only has sex with a serious boyfriend and presumably only after finishing her homework.  Heather, on the other hand, becomes pregnant as the result of a drunken one night stand and, perhaps not surprisingly, is also portrayed as being a complete psycho who eventually tries to murder Amanda.  While we’re obviously meant to feel sorry for Amanda, the film allows absolutely no sympathy for Heather.  Completely absolved of any responsibility is Connor, who we are actually supposed to feel sorry for because crazy Heather is keeping him from being with Amanda, the same girl that he previously cheated on!  BLEH!

As well, let’s consider the fact that saintly Amanda and victimized Connor both come from typical upper class Lifetime families while Heather is the only character to come from a lower class background.

Seriously, exploring the subtext of Double Daddy is not a pleasant activity.

What makes all this especially upsetting is that Double Daddy was directed by Lee Friedlander, who previously directed the brilliant Babysitter’s Black Book.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

Much like Heather, I always used school field trips as an excuse to go off on my own.  I never pulled a knife on anyone though.

Lessons Learned

We live in a twisted and hypocritical world.