Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

I know that’s the first season cast but I don’t care.

This week …. ugh.

Episode 2.2 “Jason’s Song”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on October 16th, 1999)

Lisa is just the worst!

No, silly, not me!  I’m the best.  I’m talking about Lisa, the newest character on this show.  Lisa is the medical student who was hired to work as a waitress at the restaurant.  This week’s episode finds her desperately looking for an apartment and moving in with …. Traycee!  The problem is that Lisa can’t stand Traycee because Traycee loves the color pink and is a careless driver.  What’s wrong with that?  I love the color pink and …. well, I am a good driver.  But still, Lisa throws such a fit over moving in with Traycee and Marquita Terry (who plays Lisa) gives such a cartoonishly over-the-top performance in the role that you can kind of end up feeling that Lisa is …. well, she’s the worst.

Things are resolved when Lisa throws one of Traycee’s possessions of the balcony in frustration.  I hate to say it but, even though it’s only been a few hours since I watched the episode, I cannot remember what exactly Lisa threw.  Was it a CD?  Let’s say it was a CD because I refuse to rewatch this episode because, as I will discuss in the next paragraph, this episode deeply offended me.  The important thing is that, when the cop shows up at the apartment looking for who threw the whatever at him, Traycee takes the blame and …. GOES TO JAIL!  (Editor’s Note: I checked and it was a CD. — Erin)

See, that’s why I’m not going to rewatch this episode.  Getting arrested and going to jail is a big deal.  Lisa allowed Traycee to potentially get a criminal record.  If the show wants me to sympathize with Lisa then Lisa should have gone to the police and told the truth and dealt with the consequences.  Lisa was the one dumb enough to throw whatever it was that she threw.  This is on Lisa and I don’t care how frustrated she was, she’s the one was an idiot.  Instead, Lisa stays at the apartment and paints one door pink and puts up some fake hearts.  When Traycee returns …. FROM JAIL! …. she is overjoyed.  Lisa and Traycee are friends.  Yay?  No, no yay.  TRAYCEE WENT TO JAIL FOR YOU!  Traycee probably got charged with a misdemeanor and had to pay a fine.  Someone probably had to bail her out.  Throwing something off of a balcony and hitting a cop is not a little thing.  Someone with that little self-control should not be a doctor.  Lisa spends almost this entire episode shaking with rage.  Was no one directing this episode?  Was no one asking for a second take?  What the Hell was going on?

While this was going on, Jason pursued his musical career and fell under the influence of Jesse Mercer (Rex Smith), who was once in a band with Jason and Scott’s father.  (The Disco Dudes, I think they were called.)  Jesse proves to be a bad influence.  Recently promoted to night manager and having been given a laptop by his father, Jason sells the laptop for a new guitar.  What a prick.  Jesse agrees to play a fundraiser for the lifeguards but bails at the last minute.  Don’t worry.  Jason has a guitar and he’s learned an important lesson.

This storyline actually featured a pretty good performance from Rex Smith but it was hard not to notice that it was basically just the Fabolous Belding Boys with Edward Blatchford (now cast not as the cool Belding brother but instead as Jason and Scott’s dorky father) playing the role that Dennis Haskins originally played.  If that sentence doesn’t make sense to you, you’ve never watched Saved By The Bell and you’re lucky.

Ugh, this show.