Garrett Smith | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This episode …. ugh.

Episode 3.24 “Ghost Rider”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on April 1st, 1987)

This episode was …. bad. It was really bad. I know that Highway to Heaven is a show with its own unique style and that it’s necessary to sometimes set aside cynicism and just accept the show in all of its sincere and earnest glory but I just couldn’t do it with this episode.

Birdy Belker (Didi Conn) is a ghost writer. She writes the Roger Bolt spy novels, which are then credited to the glamorous Natasha Gudonov (Victoria Carroll). Roger was a real spy. He died years ago but Birdy still has a bit of a crush on him. Birdy is also Jonathan and Mark’s latest assignment. Jonathan decides to just wait for her outside of her apartment and introduce himself as being an angel.

“RAPE!” Birdy yells before then spraying Mark with a breath freshener that she mistook for mace.

Jonathan brings Birdy’s dead plants to life, proving that he’s an angel. Birdy goes from being terrified to inviting two strangers into her apartment. Birdy is single and her parents are giving a hard time about her lack of a boyfriend. Mark suggests that Birdy buy Roger’s old car, which is set to be auctioned off. Birdy and her father (Bobby Baum) go to the auction with Jonathan and Mark. Uh-oh, shady Boris (Adam Gregor) wants the car as well! However, Boris has to call his boss to see if he should bid more than $20,000. Jonathan stares at the phone until it explodes. Birdy wins the auction! She has the car!

(Destroying someone’s property does not seem like proper angel behavior, to be honest.)

It turns out that the car is haunted by the ghost of Roger Bolt (Warwick Sims). Jonathan insinuates that Roger is actually in Purgatory and helping out Birdy is his final chance to make it into Heaven. That’s …. okay, I guess. The problem is that Roger’s ghost doesn’t show up until 30 minutes into the episode. A ghost is a pretty big plot point to introduce that late in the game. Birdy is in love with Roger, up until she realizes that he’s a cad. Still, Roger redeems himself but helping Birdy outsmart the two spies who want his old car. Birdy becomes a celebrity, Roger goes to Heaven, and Birdy meets her new neighbor, a nerdy guy who seems perfect for her. But then, as Mark and Jonathan are heading to their next assignment, Roger’s car starts and we hear Roger’s voice. “Bolt, Roger Bolt.” Okay, so did he go to Heaven or not? Or is he still a ghost? What’s going on!?

My honest guess is that this was meant to be a backdoor pilot, one that would have featured Birdy and Roger’s ghost getting involved in espionage on a weekly basis. That’s really the only way that this oddly paced episode makes any sort of sense. Tonally, it had nothing in common with any other episode of Highway to Heaven that I’ve seen. It doesn’t work, largely because Birdy is an amazingly annoying character and Roger was a less than interesting take on the Bond stereotype.

This episode was definitely a misfire. Luckily, the season ends next week with an episode featuring Leslie Nielsen. That should be great! It certainly can’t be any worse than this one.

One of the best things about being an independent film reviewer is that you get the chance to try and make sure that good films don’t end up flying under the radar. Let’s face it — hundreds of worthy films are made every year but many of them never get the attention that they deserve. They get pushed to the side while critics concentrate on the big studio films with the huge budgets and stars who are usually a year or two away from starring in their own reality show. Far too often, truly independent films get pushed to the side.

That’s why I love reviewing independent films. If I can encourage you to seek out (and yes, you do have to be willing to make the effort to seek out good films) and support these films by watching them, then I’ve accomplished something more with my writing than just indulging my own ego. Of course, the independent films that I recommend have to be good and they have to be entertaining. If you’re just recommending a film to be nice or because you want to get quoted in a press release, then you’re doing it wrong. You have to be honest in your reviews because only then will your readers have any reason to believe you when you recommend a film to them.

Take, for instance, Volumes of Blood. This new horror anthology is currently making the rounds of the festival circuit. I was lucky enough to get a chance to view a screener. Was it good? You bet it was. Was it entertaining? Yes, it was. And that’s why I’m recommending that you keep an eye out for Volumes of Blood and that you make the effort to see it. The fact that recommending Volumes of Blood also means that I get a chance to support a truly independent film is just a nice fringe benefit.

Volumes of Blood is a horror anthology, a collection of short but loosely connected horror stories. It starts with a nicely satiric scene of two “teenagers” being menaced in a parked car by your standard knife-wielding maniac. (I put teenagers in quotes because it’s obvious that neither actor is a teenager and, even more importantly, the film goes out of its way to make sure that you see that neither one of these two are teenagers.) This scene of slasher film menace leads to a college classroom where a professor with a truly impressive pompadour talks about urban legends.

(No, I’m not going to tell you how the film gets from a slasher film to college classroom, other than to say that it’s a lot of fun.)

We then switch scenes again, to a public library. Four students are making up urban legends of their own. Each story is set in the library, each story features a twist at the end, and each story both celebrates and pokes some knowing fun at the conventions of the horror genre. The first story deals with an energy drink that will literally blow your mind. The second story — and my personal favorite — is a ghost story. (Seriously, I jumped when the ghost first appeared. The entire film really makes good use of that library setting, with its long rows of books and creepy atmosphere.) The third story is a monster tale. And then the fourth story deals with what happens when a depressed librarian makes the mistake of wishing that her dead boyfriend could come back to life.

(The fourth story also features my favorite line. When asked if he really believes in demons and witchcraft, a character replies, “I’m Irish luv, we invented this shite.”*)

And then, after the fourth story, there’s a huge twist and I really wish I could tell you all about it because it’s really clever and it leads to some of the film’s best metatextual moments. But I’m not going to spoil it for you because I want you to track down this movie and be surprised by it like I was. So, I’ll just say that you won’t see it coming and it elevates the entire film.

It may seem strange to use a word like “likable” when talking about a horror movie but that really is the best way to describe Volumes of Blood. It’s a film that was obviously made by people who love horror films and who understand that the best response to someone mentioning The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is to reply, “You don’t have to go to Texas for a chainsaw massacre.” The film is full of references to other classic horror movies and it even mentions an imaginary film — The Dewey Deathmal System — that I personally would love to see.

Check out its Facebook page by clicking here and keep an eye out for Volumes of Blood!

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