Thousand Years of Dreams Day 31: The Queen’s Loneliness


For Day 31 we have the remembered dream-memory of the third immortal in the Lost Odyssey game. We already have many from the immortal warrior Kaim and from the eternal pirate Seth. Now we have one from the immortal Queen Ming. Her dream-memory is titled “The Queen’s Loneliness”.

This particular dream-memory is almost like a fable teaching any future ruler or leader what sacrifices one must make to succeed in their chosen profession. A leader must sometimes set aside personal ideals and wants for the greater good of the people. This ultimately leads to a sort of isolation. Isolation from ever believing the very people they may need to negotiate with or gauge to become a valued advisor.

It’s a frank look at the burder of leadership that not everyone is suited for. For many the thrill and power of leading will soon give way to loneliness that most cannot handle. It’s why those few who can make such sacrifices (family, friendship, camaraderie) for the greater good of the many will always go down as some of the best leaders we will ever have.

The Queen’s Loneliness

A thousand years can change everything, including the landscape. Queen Ming surveys her capital from the palace window. The panoramic view is like a great history book. The volcano towering in the distance, which used to spew clouds of smoke, went dormant 700 years ago. Once part of the sea, the inlet was reclaimed 500 years ago to become a village for the fisherfolk who spend their lives on the ocean. The River once arched grandly across the landscape, but the deluge that occurred 300 years ago became the occasion for major flood control construction in the form of a perfectly straight channel. Where the river used to curve there is now an oxbow lake in which reeds grow in profusion, and the banks provide people with a rich natural bounty. Even the area that was a barren, rock-strewn wasteland became a vast fruit-bearing garden thanks to the irrigation project that was undertaken 200 years ago.
The mountain that was the center of the people’s religious faith was enveloped in sky-scorching flames 100 years ago. Formerly swathed in a thick green covering and seen as the home of the gods, the towering peak was transformed into a bare rock pile by a forest fire that burned for three days and three nights. Almost everything that lived in the forest- birds, beasts, of course, but many people too- died in the flames. The people in the village below mourned the horrible transformation of their gods’ abode, but now, a hundred years later, the mountain is as green as ever.
The people of the village and the people of the mountain still tell the story of the fire, but today’s children can hardly imagine that the rich, green slopes were once charred and blackened. Restored though it is to its original green lushness, of course, the mountain could well be enveloped in flames again- a hundred years from now, two hundred years from now, or even tomorrow. Even if it should be charred bare again, however, trees would sprout anew, the birds and beasts and insects chased away by the fire would return to their homes, and, given enough time, the mountain would be covered in green as before. Such are the workings of nature.
Given enough time, dizzying stretches of time… But no. To become dizzy at the thought of vast stretches of time is a privilege of the ordinary folk- those who have no choice but to devote all their energies to living in the present. How fortunate that they are able to look back to the past of 1000 years ago like an old man telling a child a fairy tale, “Once upon a time, a long, long time ago…” And how truly fortunate one would be to be able to tell the story of their country’s future as a rosy dream the way children relate their own dreams of the future with flashing eyes, and to entrust that dream to the next reign! Ming stands next to the window like this every morning. It is a special time of day for her, when she thinks about the livelihood of her subjects, watches for signs of enemy intrusions, and ponders measures she might wish to adopt. She has done this every day without fail for the past thousand years. The country has flourished. The people no longer starve as they did when she took the throne.
Future historians will no doubt sing praises of Ming’s thousand-year reign. She will be extolled as “The Thousand Year Old Queen.” and her noble figure will be vividly engraved in people’s memories. Cherishing these memories of her, however, people will die before she does. The historians who praise her, too, instead of witnessing her reign to its end, will themselves become a part of history. Ming has been a queen for the past thousand years. And probably will be for the next thousand years as well. “Her Majesty is in excellent high spirits again this morning, I trust.” She hears the voice behind her. Her gaze still fixed on the streets of the city below, Ming answers. “You are early today.”
“Not so early if her majesty is already observing the smoke rising from the cauldrons of her people.” She need not turn to ascertain the identity of the smiling face behind her. It belongs to Nagram, her senior minister. The smile is courtly, genial. But deep within the narrowed eyes, she knows, there resides a dark gleam. “Today, I will accompany Her Majesty in the inspection of the troops.”

“You?”

“Yes, owing to a slight change in assignments today.”

“Is that so?”

“I am hardly up to the task, but I will do my best if Her Majesty will allow me to serve her in this capacity. I beg her permission.”

With her back to Nagram, Ming gives a silent nod. ‘’Ah yes’’, she thinks to herself with a bitter smile. Their plan goes into action today. Ming has sensed for a very long time that Nagram is up to no good. He apparently has seized command of certain units of the royal guard. Scattered throughout the city, too, his people are lying low, waiting ready to set fires as soon as his orders come down. No doubt about it: today; when the regular ceremonial inspection of the troops is scheduled to take place, is the perfect day for a coup. When Nagram leaves, Ming enters her office and summons Hannes, the most senior of her ministers, a true elder statesman and her most trusted confidant. Hannes, who sports a luxurious beard, has served Ming for over forty years.

 

“Your Majesty, I understand Nagram was here earlier.”

“Yes, apparently he is to accompany me to the inspection of the troops.” This she has to tell him. Stroking his busy beard, Hannes says, “That means they’ve run out of patience.”

“I know, replies Ming. “I’m sure they can’t wait to get started.”

“What a fool Nagram is! He has absolutely no idea that Your Majesty has been letting him set his own trap.”

“If he were smart enough to realize that, he would be taking at least two more years to make his preparations.”

 

Then he would much more power at his disposal. He could link up not just with the royal guard but also the main body of the army and the police force. He could conspire with the external enemies and arrange for them to invade just when the ceremonies were getting underway. Then his coup would probably succeed. If he had the long-range vision to include the wealthy merchant and the intelligentsia among his allies, he might even be able to mount a revolution that would overthrow the monarchy itself. “This is what I would do if I were Nagram. As long as I was undertaking a coup, I would think about that much at least.”
Hannes’ smile could not hide the fact that all this talk of successful revolution was making him uncomfortable. “Her Majesty is unmatched by any enemy except one- her Majesty Herself!”

He May be right, Ming thinks. If she had an enemy with an eternal life like hers who was willing to devote all the time needed to planning a revolution- be it a whole century or even two- the result would surely go beyond revolution and develop into a full-scale civil war. Human lives, however, are limited in duration. And because of this limitation, humans rush to achieve results before they are ready. Nagram is one of them. If he could live two hundred years (to say nothing of a thousand), he would not be trying to take up arms at such an in-between point in time.
“Still,” says Hannes, “I have to admit that Nagram has extended his forces far more successfully than I ever imagined. What have I been doing all this time, I am utterly ashamed of myself.”

“Don’t let it bother you, Hannes. Thanks to your ‘inattention,’ we will probably be able to smoke out many more rats.” Ming gives a satisfied chuckle. Nor is this mere bravado on her part. They chose not to arrest Nagram at an earlier stage but allowed him to swim free for a while in order to take this opportunity to net the entire force of rebels both inside and outside the palace.
“Yes, I know,” Hannes replies and goes on to explain the plan for crushing the coup. His plans are impeccable. The coup has virtually no chance of succeeding. All they need to do is carry out a wholesale arrest of the rebel guard units that rise up in the palace and the partisans lurking in the city, and it will be some time before any more individuals with outsized ambitions show up again. “This will be our first purge in fifteen years,” Hannes remarks.

“Has it been that long?”

“It certainly has, Your Majesty. This fine beard of mine was jet black last time.”
Hannes commanded the troops that put down the coup fifteen years ago. Loyal, courageous, and cool-headed, he is the ideal staff officer. Without a doubt, he is one of the very best military advisors Ming has ever had in a thousand years on the throne.

“How selfish of me, Hannes. I should have let you retire years ago.”

“That is out of the question, Your Majesty. Serving you is my life. I am deeply honored to have this final opportunity to be of service.”
True, not even this superb retainer could be with her through all eternity. In another five years- ten at most- Hannes, like other loyal retainers of the past, would be laid to rest to the sound of military cannons. It is always like this. Just as the ambitious ones rush to make their mark because they cannot live forever, the loyal ones in whom she can place her complete confidence stake their very lives on serving her because they cannot live forever. They carve their names in a single line of history and then they depart from Ming for the rest of eternity. Ming herself though, goes on living. Eternal youth. Immortality. So this is the dream of humanity is it? None of them knows the loneliness of eternal life.
When Hannes next addresses Ming, there is a new urgency in his voice. “About the troops that will quell the uprising… I will command the ones outside the palace. Do I have Her Majesty’s permission to put command of the interior palace guards in the hands of my young protégé, Yan?”

“Ah yes, Yan…”

“He may be young, but he is extremely capable. I have nurtured him carefully. I know he will serve Her Majesty Splendidly after this old soldier is gone. I would like to give him the opportunity to distinguish himself in the current situation.” Ming herself is fully aware of Yan’s outstanding qualities. Young as he most certainly is, he far excels the other chamberlains in both the civil and military arts. He is undoubtedly the prime candidate to succeed Hannes as Ming’s top general.
“What are Her Majesty’s thoughts on the matter?”

“All right, then, Let him take charge.”

“Her Majesty has my unbounded thanks! I am sure Yan himself will be deeply moved to learn that he has earned Her Majesty’s confidence.”

Hannes all but prostrates himself before her, an expression of relief at having obtained Ming’s permission. “But still,” he continues, “Her Majesty has been wary of Nagram for a very long time.”

“True,” she says.
“Meanwhile, this old soldier of yours had no idea whatever that Nagram might be planning a rebellion. I am deeply ashamed to confess it now, but to me he seemed the very model of loyalty. How was it that Her Majesty was able to see Nagram’s actual disloyalty?” Ming only smiles without answering his question. “The same thing happened at the time of the coup fifteen years ago,” Hannes continues. “The only reason we were able to suppress the revolt before it even got started was that Her Majesty saw it coming before anyone else. Then as now I was blind to the traitors’ plot.”
“If you say so Hannes…”

“Has Her Majesty forgotten?”

“Well, it was long ago…” Ming tries to evade the issue. There is no way she could have forgotten. The ringleader of the coup fifteen years ago was her most trusted retainer. When she first broached the subject to Hannes and the others, warning them to be on guard against the man, all without exception insisted that he, above all, was beyond reproach. In the end, Ming’s suspicions proved to be correct. She knew. However faithfully he carried out her orders, however warmly he swore his loyalty, she knew. These days however, she has begun to wonder on occasion if that is something to be grateful for.
The landscape is not the only thing that changes in a thousand years. People’s hearts also change. After numberless meetings and partings over the centuries, Ming has come to realize the fragility- the evanescence of trust. She no longer trusts anything in words. Neither can she fully trust everything in action. She knows by looking at a person’s eyes. That way she can tell everything- to a mysterious and disheartening degree. In the eyes of those that would bring harm to this country, without exception, there is a dark gleam. It is there in all of them: the man plotting a coup, the man secretly involved with foreign enemies, the man fattening his purse with heavy taxes wrung from the people, the female spy who seduces high ministers to extract state secrets, the man who accepts huge bribes from merchants eager for the glory of becoming an official purveyor to the royal household.
Neither their words nor their deeds give them away. Often, the man himself has no idea of the misdeeds he will later commit. But Ming can tell. Only Ming, who has lived for a thousand years. The silent voices tell her: Be careful of this man. Don’t take your eyes off that woman. This was not the case in her youth. But having repeatedly tasted the bitter experience of betrayal, having been assailed by her own regrets and self-reproach, she has learned to doubt. Ming can see what no one else can- that dark gleam deep in the eyes. This has enabled her to ward off a variety of disasters before they could start. The kingdom has managed to flourish because Ming has more often chosen to doubt than to believe. This is the best course for her to follow as queen. It is however, an infinitely lonely way to live.
Nagram’s coup collapses in an instant. The rebel units of the royal guard, who draw out their swords against Ming during the inspection of troops in the plaza, become the prey of Yan and his men, who have been hiding around the perimeter. Meanwhile, the anti-rebel forces, under Hannes’ command, pounce on Nagram’s followers, who have been gathering to set fire to the city and arrest them without resistance. Poor Nagram grovels on the earth, begging for his life. To him, Ming says only, “I grant you the right to die with honor.” A soldier lays a sword before Nagram. Wordlessly, Ming conveys to Nagram that it is time for him to take his own life. She turns on her heels and returns to the palace under armed escort.
This will keep anyone from having thoughts of fomenting a rebellion- for a while, at least. The peace of the kingdom has been preserved, but it will not last forever. When the memory of Nagram’s coup begins to fade- ten years from now, or twenty, or even a hundred- another man with ambition will emerge as has happened many times before. It is the role of the queen to accept this endlessly repeating cycle, Ming tells herself, sighing. Ming is standing at the palace window, surveying the city streets below, when Yan enters the room.
“Your Majesty, I am here to report that Nagram successfully took his own life a short while ago.”

“Oh, did he dispatch himself with some dignity?”

“He did. Traitor though he was, he died in a way befitting a commanding general.”

“Return his body to his family with all due ceremony.” She turns and stares straight at Yan, whose spine stiffens under the onslaught of her gaze. And then she sees it- without a doubt. That dark gleam flashes deep within his eyes for one fleeting instant. So Yan is another one, is he? she thinks with a bitter smile. Unable to fathom the meaning of her smile, Yan is at a loss for words. “Thank you for all your efforts.” Ming says to him. Suppressing a sigh, she turns to the window again.
The sky stretches overhead in an expanse of blue. The only thing unchanged for the past thousand years is the blue of that sky. But still, I am the queen, Ming tells herself, meditating on her role. I am the only one who rules this country and maintains the people’s happiness. She gazes long and hard at the sky, rising to her full, proud height.

“Oh look, it’s Queen Ming!” A little boy in an alleyway below the castle spots Ming and begins waving at her wildly. “Queen Ming! Queen Ming!” A woman, the boy’s mother, no doubt- charges out of a doorway and, bowing humbly to Ming, begins to scold the boy for his rude behavior. Ming herself, however, waves back at him, a placid smile on her face. Smiling joyfully at this unexpected response form Her Majesty the Queen, the boy starts jumping up and down, shouting, “Long live Queen Ming! Long live Queen Ming!”
Ming stares again into the sky above. Unchanged though it has been for a thousand years, the blue of the sky penetrates more deeply into her eyes and her heart than it ever did in the days of her youth.

Thousand Years of Dreams Day 30: Lottery of Life


We’re at the final stretch run and for Day 30 of this 33-day Shigematsu Kiyoshi short story marathon we have “Lottery of Life”.

To put it plain and simple it’s that when we as a society begin to divide people into simplified groups like “losers” and “winners” or even “troublemakers” then we’re moving towards the next step of what needs to be done with groups who don’t agree with us. The last decade or so has seen many such changes to how we’ve begun to treat each other. Some of it borne out of fear and some of it from longstanding prejudices cultivated through ignorance and misinformation.

While there’s a need to separate those who can never change for the greater good, the means by which we do so will never be dry and clear-cut. Do we use methods that succeeds in saving lives but at the same just continue to forment the very hatred which separates a people into hating another group? There’s never a straight answer and sometimes the need to step back and reassess the situation the best way, but such things require for people to think with compassion and reason. It’s a shame that the very people we give the power and authority to make such decisions rarely practice one and the other to solve our problems.

Lottery of Life

Having kids is like playing the lottery.

That was how the police commissioner put it, with a grim smile and a sigh. He was the man in charge of domestic security.

“Sometimes you pick a winner, and sometimes you pick a loser.

Life is like that. You can’t control it.”

Kaim responded with a silent nod.

Not that he was convinced that you could divide people into “winners” and “losers.”

But that was how they did it here in this country that was the size of a city. He had no choice but to recognize it as reality because the man who kept the peace here believed it, and this nation was known for having the best public safety of all the countries in the region.

“Every kid in there is a loser,” he spat out, jerking his chin toward the juvenile prison visible from his office window.

Built to hold young criminals, this was the largest – and the most strictly run and most closely guarded – prison to be seen in any of the neighboring countries.

Its treatment of its young inmates was also the harshest.

“You’re a foreigner, Kaim, so you may not approve, but we have our own way of doing things.”

“I see,” Kaim said.

“Losers are losers. There’s nothing you can do to make losers into winners. It’s never going to happen. Far from it. If you coddle losers, they just turn into bigger losers and give the decent people a lot of trouble. See what I mean?”

“That’s one way of looking at things.”

Kaim’s deliberate irony was lost on the police commissioner.

“No. It’s the only way – if you’re going to have a safe, peaceful country,” he declared. “And we’ll expect you to abide by this view, too.”

Kaim had nothing more to say to him.

If he were to insist on confronting the police commissioner, he might be seen as questioning the authorities, which could land him in the adults’ prison. This would be easy enough to bring about for the police commissioner – and indeed for anyone in the city-state who stood on the side of the powers that be.

The commissioner glanced again toward the juvenile prison.

“They built that place eighty years ago,” he said. “Which is to say, the very first building they made when the present political system came into being was a prison to throw young offenders into.”

Kaim knew this.

For Kaim, whose life went on forever, events of eighty years before could well have happened yesterday.

Eighty years earlier, this country had experienced a coup d’etat. The revolutionary government ruled the people under a military dictatorship and jailed every last person suspected of disturbing the peace and order.

The government was especially wary of younger criminals.

“There’s a limit to how serious a kid’s crimes can be.

But let them get away with those, and the next thing you know they’re doing really bad stuff. They might be satisfied with shoplifting at first, but soon they’re into burglary, muggings, they start using weapons, and in the end they think nothing of killing people.

You have to nip them in the bud.”

The kids sent to prison were fed the absolute minimum to keep them alive. No doctor saw them if they fell sick or were injured. Subjected to such harsh imprisonment, they succumbed one after another, and more than a few of them ended up as cold corpses pitched out the back door.

Whenever one did manage to serve out his term and return to the outside world, he found it impossible to erase the brand of “loser.” Children with criminal records were soundly rejected by respectable society. The social system was structured in such a way that nothing worked for them: employment, marriage, even finding a place to live. Expelled by society, these boys and girls returned to crime as a way to stay alive, eventually ending up in adult prison.

With a bitter smile, the police commissioner said to Kaim, “I’m sure this all sounds terrible to an outsider like you.”

Kaim answered with a slight nod.

This only served to increase the bitterness of the commissioner’s smile.

“I know what you’re thinking,” he said.

“And to tell you the truth, I sometimes think the system is a little too harsh on them, too.

But you have to realize that we’re not just punishing bad kids: We’re also holding them up as an example to the good ones. What would they think if they saw the ex-criminals out on the street again walking along like nothing ever happened? They’d just figure that even if they got their hands dirty and spent a few years in jail, they could just go back to their old lives, that society’s punishment is no big deal, that they can get away with murder. We wouldn’t want our kids to be like that, would we? So the only thing is for us grownups to teach them. Look at those guys, we can say. All it takes is one bad deed and your life is over. So you’d better listen to your parents and teachers and be good.”

He definitely had a point.

Kaim was willing to grant him that.

But still, the commissioner must have noticed a hint of shadow crossing Kaim’s face, and he shifted his tone of voice.

With bureaucratic conviction, he declared, “The authorities have received word that there is going to be a coup. Of course the military have everything under control, so there is nothing to worry about. They could suppress it right now if they wanted to. They could easily attack the agitators and capture the ring leaders of the plot. In this case, though, they have decided to let it get started in order to smoke out every last one of the reactionary elements.”

According to the government’s intelligence, the uprising was scheduled to occur that very night.

“We are prepared to just about any eventuality, but there is always the possibility of the unexpected. If there were a riot inside the juvenile prison timed to coincide with the rebellion, that could be a real problem.”

This is why Kaim had been hired as a temporary prison guard – a bodyguard for the state.

“We’re counting on your skills as a seasoned warrior, which is why we’re entrusting you with such a major responsibility. Be sure you live up to our expectations. If you have to resort to violence, we have no problem with that. Whatever you do, it will be for the sake of law and order. It will be in order to protect the happy lives of the decent citizens of our nation. Carry out your duties with complete dedication of body and soul.”

The commissioner handed Kaim a one-page document.

It was, literal, a license to kill.

“And without the slightest restraint. All the prison guards have one of these.”

“But still…”

“If you hesitate to impose the ultimate punishment on a single ‘loser,’ then countless ‘winners’ among the upstanding citizenry must suffer the consequences. You understand, I’m sure. Once a loser, always a loser. Rather than living with such a burden, they themselves might be happier to have you kill them and get it over with.”

Kaim accepted the document from the commissioner without comment.

“that completes our contractual arrangement. Now assume your post.”

With a perfectly straight face, the commissioner cautioned Kaim. “Just make sure you don’t let any foolish compassion get in your way.”

The season was mid-winter, but Kaim found no hint of fire burning in the juvenile prison. In their tiny solitary cells, the young inmates, wrapped in ragged blankets, lay helplessly in the dark. Painful moaning came from one cell, suggesting its inmate might be running a fever. From another cam the unbroken shrill mean laughter that could only mean the person’s mind had snapped.

“What you see is what you get,” said the veteran guard guiding Kaim on his first round of inspection.

“Not one of those faces shows any life. So even if something were to happen, these pitiful creatures couldn’t do a damn thing. They’re ‘losers’ all right. They’re breathing, but that’s about it.”

“Is there really no possibility of them being rehabilitated and becoming winners?”

The other guard gave Kaim a momentary blank stare and then said with a laugh and a wave. “No, no, no, none at all.”

Eighty years since the revolution, and the change of generations had replaced virtually all the people from that time. Since coming of age, this prison guard, who had no memory of life before the revolution, had been implanted with the ideas that people were either “winners” or “losers,” and he surely never doubted it.

“They went out of their way to hire you, so it might be a little strange for me to say this, but I’m sure the kids in here are never going to riot, no matter how wild things get on the outside. Splash a little cold water on them, and they’ll quiet right down. There’s almost none of them you have to worry about.”

“Almost?”

“Well, I can’t claim that about every single one of them. There are even losers among the losers, unfortunately.”

The guard showed Kaim to the end of the hall, and there he opened the lock on a door so thick it could be mistaken for a section of wall.

“Beyond here are the punishment cells. This is where we throw the incorrigible losers- the ones who have caused trouble on work details, the ones who take a defiant attitude, the ones who show no sign of remorse for their crimes.”

Suddenly it was clear to Kaim.

It was clear to him because he had experienced countless battlefields in his life.

The punishment cells were darker and far colder than the regular cells. But from the depths of the darkness – from within each individual cell – there emanated a quiet heat that could not be felt from the regular cells.

The people in here were alive.

They were not simply breathing. They were alive with real passion.

“The crimes that originally got them locked up here were nothing much – a little burglary, some purse-snatching, flashing a knife, stuff like that. If they had just quietly served out their terms, they’d be out now, living obscure lives somewhere.”

Instead, they resisted, and kept resisting.

They called for better treatment of inmates. They appealed for an end to discrimination against former prisoners. The number of their “crimes” multiplied, until it became clear they would never get out of there alive.

“They’ll just go straight from here to the adult prison when they grow up. It’ll be twenty or thirty years before they can breathe the outside air again – if they can live that long, which would be quite an accomplishment.”

The guard concluded with a belly-shaking laugh, which was interrupted by a voice echoing from a dark cell.

“Stop that laughing.”

It was a quiet but commanding voice, though one that retained a hint of boyishness.

A look of fear crossed the guard’s face, though he quickly reverted to a sneer.

“This is the biggest pain we’ve got,” he said.

“His name is Diran. They say he was the leader of a gang of juvenile delinquents on the outside, but here he’s just a noisemaker.”

The guard picked up a bucket of water from the corridor floor with a thin sheet of ice on its surface and heaved the contents into Diran’s cell.

“This is what works best on these kids.”

Behind the bars, the drenched boy had rolled himself into a ball.

“This should be enough for them to freeze to death, but the water itself freezes again in the early morning. So then their hair and eyelashes – and any other hair they’ve god – gets coated in ice. Some of them have lost fingers and toes to frostbite.”

The guard laughed again.

Diran lay there curled up, but his eyes were shining with such intensity, it was as if he were trying to melt the ice with the heat seething in his breast.

Kaim knew those eyes. They were the eyes of a warrior. And not just any warrior, but one on the very front line in a losing battle who watches for a chance to turn the battle in his favor.

And Kaim knew something else – that the system was beginning to unravel. It had kept the people in a state of suppression for eighty long years, ever since the revolution, but the very moment of its undoing had arrived.

The prison fires started that night.

“Kaim! It’s the coup!”

The guard came running to report the situation on the outside. Fires had been set throughout the city, he said.

This was, of course, the uprising that government intelligence had anticipated. Martial law was declared, and the government was mobilizing the entire police force and army. Word had come, too, that the ringleaders were already under arrest.

One element, however, had been wholly unanticipated.

The guard informed him, “The wind is strong tonight.”

Fanned by unseasonable winds, the flames were racing through the city.

“On orders from the commissioner: we are not to fight fires in the juvenile prison, is that clear? Do not engage in firefighting here.”

In other words, no one would be coming to save the inmates.

“It can’t be helped,” said the guard. “The army and the fire department have all they can do to put out fires in the city and evacuate the people. They can’t spare any men to protect this place. And we’ve been ordered to join in the rescue effort in town.”

“I guess that means we let the kids out.”

This was a given, Kaim assumed. Left locked up in their cells, the young inmates would burn to death.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” the guard shot back. “These kids are all losers. We’ve gone to the trouble of locking them in here, and now we’re supposed to let them out?”

“Are you serious?” Kaim replied.

“Are you serious? I can’t believe you’d say anything so stupid. I’m telling you, they’re losers. We don’t have time to save them, and we’re certainly not going to let them run loose. The commissioner would never allow such a thing.”

He obviously meant every word he was saying.

They were planning to let them die.

The flames were spreading quickly, and screams could be heard throughout the prison.

There was no time to appeal directly to the commissioner, and such an appeal would only end in failure, he was sure.

“Give me the cell keys,” Kaim said.

“You’re joking,” the guard laughed.

There was only one thing to do.

Without a word, Kaim landed a punch in the guard’s solar plexus.

The guard went down in a heap, and Kaim tore the clump of keys from his belt.

The first cell he opened was Diran’s.

The boy came out looking confused.

“Are you one of us?” he asked Kaim. “Are you with the coup?”

“Not interested,” he answered.

“So why are you letting us go?” Diran asked.

“Because I don’t like dividing people up into ‘winners’ and ‘losers.'”

“Thanks,” Diran said.

Sporting a big grin, he took the keys from Kaim and turned away to start opening the other cells.

“I want you to come back,” Kaim said to him from behind.

“What’s that?”

“This is an emergency evacuation. When the sun comes up and the fires are out, I want you to come back here. You kids still haven’t finished paying for your crimes.”

“You must be kidding.”

“Not at all,” Kaim said. “If you kids run away, that’ll just prove they’re right – ‘Once a loser, always a loser.’ Is that all right with you? Don’t you want to show the ones who rule this country that they’re wrong – that people can change?”

“But we’ll never get another chance like this!”

“This coup is going to fail. You can run around all you want, but they’re going to catch you in the end. You’ll always be branded ‘losers.’ They might even kill you when they catch you.”

Diran turned to stare at Kaim.

The prison was already surrounded by flames. Against this bright red backdrop, Diran’s eyes still burned with the fighting spirit of a warrior.

“The country’s political system can’t last much longer. The day will come when you kids can leave the prison with your heads held high. I absolutely believe that. And because I believe it, I don’t want to see you die for nothing.”

Kaim turned from Diran to pull the guard up form the floor.

“Come back at sunrise.”

With this final admonition to Diran, Kaim hoisted the guard onto his back and trudged away.

These events occurred fifty years ago.

An air of freedom pervades the country now when Kaim visits fifty years later. True, he does catch glimpses of young toughs and juvenile delinquents where the nightlife thrives, but he feels this is just a sign of the free and easy times.

And old man calls to him, “Are you a traveler?”

When Kaim nods, the man says with a smile, “You’re in luck. We’re having a celebration in Revolution Square today. I hear the grand old man of the revolution is going to attend. It’ll keep going all night long.”

“A celebration?”

“That’s right. I see you’re too young to know what happened here in the old days. We had a coup fifty years ago on this very day. The coup itself was put down in one night, but the rebel troops set fires all through the city, so the rest of us were running around like crazy in all directions.”

Fanned by the wind, the flames quickly enveloped the whole city, and a lot of the city people were stranded on a sandbar downwind.

“I was one of them. I had my pregnant wife and baby daughter with me, so I couldn’t just dive into the river to escape. Before we knew it, sparks were raining down on the sandbar, and I figured we were done for – we’d all burn to death as soon as the dry grass caught fire.”

Just as he was giving up hope, he says, a helping hand was extended to them from the most unlikely source.

“The kids from the juvenile prison came to help us. They were all skin and bones, and their prison uniforms were falling apart. The prison staff hardly fed them a thing, but they pooled what little strength they had. They saved old folks and children from the sandbar, and they struggled to douse the fires that caught in the dry grass. I saw one boy carry a child across the river and collapse and die the second after he reached the other shore, and some of the ones who were fighting grass fires were overcome by the smoke and burned to death. They risked their lives to save us. Their own lives were not worth living, but those ‘losers’ risked their lives to save ‘winners’ like us.”

When the sun came up and they could be sure that the fires were safely out, the young inmates went back to the juvenile prison.

“Yes, it’s true. The place was an absolute hell for them, but they went back inside just the same. Not one of them took advantage of the confusion to run away. They played it strictly by the rules, wouldn’t you say? We were really moved by their behavior, and people started saying that maybe these ‘losers’ had their good points after all. Maybe ‘once a loser, always a loser’ was wrong.”

The whispers spread throughout the country, quietly but surely.

Soon the view emerged that the treatment of juvenile prison inmates should be improved.

Another increasingly widely-held view was that society ought to welcome ex-inmates more warmly once they had paid for their crimes.

Finally, the change in attitude toward ‘loser’ children took the shape of dissatisfaction with the political system that had continued to foster such a dictatorship and, forty years ago, a second coup occurred.

“This next coup took the shape of a citizens’ revolution that involved the masses, and for that reason it succeeded. That’s how the form of government we have today got its start.”

Listening to the old man’s reminiscences, Kaim finds himself smiling and nodding again and again, deeply moved.

The last thing the old man tells him is the name of the hero who led the revolution and became the first president of the new government: Diran.

Tens of thousands of people have gathered in Revolution Square. As fireworks are sent aloft and a brass band plays the rousing national anthem, the grand old man of the revolution takes the stage amid thunderous cheers and applause.

“Diran!”

“Diran!”

“Our Diran!”

Advanced in years now, and having long since removed himself from the center of politics, Diran still has that youthful, firey gleam in his eyes.

There is no way for him to spot Kaim among the assembled throng. And even if he were to notice him, he could never imagine that this young man, unchanged from fifty years ago, was the temporary prison guard on that fateful night.

Still, the old hero proclaims,

“People can change! There are no ‘winners’ or ‘losers!'”

His words are greeted with cheers and fireworks, and the excitement of the celebration reaches its peak.
Kaim makes his way to a stand at the far end of the square and buys himself a cup of liquor.

He raises his cup to the hero of the revolution, who, from his distant vantage point, appears to him no larger than a speck.

He downs the drink in a single breath. When the intensely strong liquor has passed his throat, it leaves a sweet and mellow aftertaste.

End

Thousand Years of Dreams Day 29: Return of the Native


“Return of the Native” marks Day 29 of the Shigematsu Kiyoshi marathon of short stories which made up the dream-memories of the immortal Kaim in the rpg title Lost Odyssey. For some this dream-memory may sound familiar in that it has a passing resemblance to the moral story of the “prodigal son”.

Unlike the son in that tale, the one in this dream-memory could never be mistaken for the stubborn, albeit good-natured child from that tale. This son is a bad seed from the very beginning. The dream-memory is not about the son, but of the mother left behind who still loves her wayward son gone from her for most of her life. It shows that a mother’s love has no limit. They will forgive whatever transgressions their child has done just to have them back in their life.

We see examples of these in everyday life. Of mothers sticking and supporting their son accused of crimes both petty and heinous. They cannot defend what their child has done, but they also cannot abandon them when they’re most needed by their offspring. I think this is why as adults we’re always much closer to our mothers. Why mothers are always seen as the nurturer.

Return of the Native

The mother stands by the island pier, waiting for her son.

Her luggage is bigger than she is. Dressed in her finest traveling clothes, she seems hardly able to contain her excitement as she speaks to Kaim, who happens to be waiting for the same boat to arrive.

“I got a letter from him,” she says.

Almost thirty years have passed since her only son left the island of his birth. There was no word from him in all that time until he recently wrote announcing his successes and his plan to bring her to mainland.

“I’ve been alone ever since I lost my husband, so just to think I might be able to spend the rest of my life with my son, his wife and my grandchildren…”

She sold the house she had always lived in and has been waiting for her son to come for her.

The letter arrived over a week ago.

“I wonder why it’s taking him so long. The seas are calm.”

Kaim arrived here on yesterday’s ferry.

“You mean he’s late?” Kaim asks with some surprise.

“Very,” she replies, forcing a smile. “I wonder what’s wrong. Maybe he got busy all of a sudden and can’t pull himself away from his work.”

“He hasn’t written again to explain?”

“He’s never bothered with things like that, not since he was a child,” she says, straining to smile again and glancing toward the horizon.

No bigger than a dot at first, the boat is now big enough for a clear view of the mast in silhouette.

“Anyhow, I’m not worried. I know he’ll be on this boat,” she says, raising herself from the clockside crate on which she is sitting and waving a handkerchief toward the approaching vessel.

Kaim also stares hard at the boat, which gives his eyes a stern expression.

“Young man?”

At the sound of the mother’s voice, Kaim hastens to soften his gaze before turning toward her.

“You are a traveler, aren’t you?”

“That’s right,” he says.

“I saw you arrive on yesterday’s ferry. Are you leaving so soon?”

She is obviously curious about this stranger, but her face shows no wariness toward outsiders.

Relieved to see this, Kaim replies, “I’m doing the same thing you are – waiting for someone to arrive.”

“On this boat?”

“Yes, probably.”

“You haven’t been in touch with this person?”

“No, we haven’t agreed on a time. I might be waiting for nothing, too.”

“Oh, really?”

Kaim evades further questioning with a strained smile.

This is not something he can discuss with just anyone.

He is on a secret mission – one that must not fail.

The woman still wears a look of puzzlement, but their conversation is swallowed up in the general hubbub on shore, accompanying the approach of the boat.

At last the ferry arrives.

One by one passengers alight after their half-day trip from the capital on mainland.

Clutching the handkerchief to her breast, the mother scans each of them.

There are peddlers who travel from island to island hawking their wares, and men who have come to do larger-scale trading; sunburned young men and women who arrive from the mainland in groups to work on the island’s farms, and men coming home to the island after a season of labor on the mainland.

None of the dozens of passengers, however, is the woman’s son.

Once it has disgorged its island-bound passengers, the ferry takes on people crossing to the mainland. Greeters on the pier give way to well-wishers.

The mother turns her back on the pier’s hustle and bustle and plods her way toward the town. She hoists a heavy pack onto her back and lifts a large suitcase in each hand, but she has taken only a few steps when the pack begins to slide off.

Kaim reaches out to keep it from falling.

The woman turns with a look of surprise, and when she realizes that Kaim is alone, she asks,

“So your person didn’t come, either?”

“Looks that way.”

With only one ferry a day from the mainland, all they can do is wait until tomorrow.

“Are you going to stay on the island until your friend comes?”

“I might have to…”

“You could run up quite a hotel bill that way.”

“I’m all right. I’m used to camping out.”

“Camping out?” she exclaims with a look of amazement.

Then she smiles and says,

“Oh, well, you’re young, and in good condition. A few days sleeping outdoors shouldn’t be too hard on you.”

“What are you going to do, Ma’am? Go back home?”

“I wish I could. I sold my house last week. I was so sure my son would come and get me right away.”

A hint of discouragement clouds her face, but she quickly recovers her smile and continues,

“The money I got for the house is a nice little bundle, so I’ve decided to spend freely for a change. See that large hotel over there? I’m staying in their biggest room and taking it easy all day and all night, too. I’m disappointed when he doesn’t show up, of course, but I’ve worked my fingers to the bone all these years. It won’t hurt me to indulge myself just this little bit.”

Though delivered with a smile, her words touched Kaim deeply.

In her case, “Worked my fingers to the bone” is not just a figure of speech, as evidenced by her suntanned face, which is so unsuited to the cosmetics she had applied to greet her son, and especially by her bony fingers, so ill-concealed by the cheap rings she is wearing.

Hard as she undoubtedly worked, life has granted her few rewards. There is nothing expensive about her luggage.

“I’m sure your son will be here tomorrow,” Kaim says.

Her deeply wrinkled face breaks into a joyous smile.

“Yes, of course, tomorrow for sure,” she says with a deep nod.

“I hope the person you are waiting for comes on tomorrow’s boat, too.”

“Thank you very much,” he replies.

“I have an idea,” she says. “You might get sick camping out. If you’d like, why not stay in my hotel? I’m sure we could arrange something for one extra person.”

Kaim senses that she is not suggesting this out of mere politeness, which is precisely why he demurs with a smile and a nod.

“Thanks just the same,” he says, “but don’t worry about me. Just take the rest you deserve after all your long years of hard work.”

“If you say so…” She seems somewhat disappointed but does not press him to accept.

As he watches her trudge off toward her hotel alone, all but hidden from view by her huge bundles, Kaim wonders if, perhaps, she was hoping that his company might ease her concern that her son might not show up after all.

Even so, he decides not to chase after her and retract his refusal. He is the wrong man to spend time with a mother whose only dream is to have a happy old age.

Most likely, when tomorrow’s boat arrives, she will finally be reunited with the son she has longed to see all these years.

The person that Kaim is waiting for will also most certainly cross over to the island tomorrow.

The mother will undoubtedly shed great tears when her reunion takes place.

Kaim, on the other hand, has a bloody job to perform when he encounters the man he’s waiting for.

Kaim has been hunting him. The man is a fugitive, and there is a reward on his head.

He is known as the boss of an underworld gang in the capital, and he has committed crimes without number – robbery, fraud, extortion, assault, and even murder. To cap his life of crime, he double-crossed his own gang and ran off with a great deal of money. Word reached the gang only a few days ago that the man is headed for this island, the place of his birth, and they hired Kaim to take care of him.

The fact that they hired Kaim means they are ready to have him killed on sight.

Kaim and the mother meet at the dock again the next day at the same time.

And again the next day,

and the next,

and the day after that.

The ones they are waiting for never come.

A week goes by.

The mother switches accommodations from her expensive hotel to a cheap inn frequented by traveling peddlers.

“Actually, I’m more comfortable in a cheap place like this,” she tells Kaim with a laugh, but more than likely her money would have run out in the first hotel.

“Your person is very late, too,” she observes.

“True…”

“Who is it?”

He sidesteps the issue with a strained smile.

He cannot answer her question if he is going to carry out his duty.

And besides, he feels a tiny premonition deep inside.

The mother stops questioning him and says, “I hope your person comes soon.”

Another three days go by.

A messenger from the gang, disguised as a peddler, whispers to Kaim as he steps off the ferry,

“We think he’s still hiding in the capital. We’re looking in every rat hole we can find, but there’s no sign of him.”

Kaim nods silently and glances at the boat.

Even after the last passenger alights, the mother stands on the pier, looking up at the boat’s empty deck.

“Let me ask you, young man…” the mother says to Kaim three days later.

“Does the place where you’re camping out have a roof to keep the dew off?”

Kaim has been sleeping in a dilapidated old house he found near the harbor.

“All I need is a place to sleep,” she says. “Would you mind if I joined you there?”

“What’s that?”

“The place I’m staying at now is not much better than a ruin. I’m sure I’d be fine wherever you’re staying. Yes, I’m sure I’d be fine.”

She smiles like a child who has found a new source of mischief.

Kaim does not refuse her.

More precisely, he cannot refuse her.

She has probably run out of money even to stay in her current flophouse.

Kaim has noticed her cheap rings gradually disappearing from her bony fingers.

As they pass the night in the abandoned building, the moon their only source of light, the mother, without prompting from Kaim, spills out her memories of her son.

They are by no means pleasant memories. Known as a roughneck even from his earliest years, the boy was hated by all the neighbors and caused his parents a good deal of shame.

“He would steal our money, stay out all night partying, and before we knew it he was the number one thug on the island. He was always getting into fights and bothering girls. During the island’s annual festival he would go wild and destroy property, so my husband and I would have to go around apologizing to everyone.”

The father, a skilled stonemason, lost his job when the son stole valuables from the boss’s house.

The mother could hardly walk down the street without being subjected to the glares and finger-pointing of the neighbors. Things got especailly bad after her son set fire to the island assembly hall just for fun.

His parents raised him badly, the boy’s misbehavior is the parents’ responsibility, the son has bas became such a thug because his mother spoiled him rotten, it’s the parents’ fault, the father’s fault, the mother’s fault, your fault.

They had heard it all.

“It was so hard for us on a little island like this! There was no place we could hide.”

The boy was eighteen when he finally ran away from home – or rather, left the island when his parents all but disowned him.

The other islanders rejoiced as if a plague had been lifted. One man went so far as to deliberately let the parents overhear him declaring, “I hope that bastard goes to the capital and dies in the gutter.”

The boy’s father died five years ago.

To the very end, he would not forgive his son, and in his final delirium, he was still apologizing to the islanders.

“But still, to a mother, any son is the baby she once carried. I never heard a word from him, but I went on praying that he would stay healthy in the capital, that he wouldn’t catch whatever epidemic was going around, that he wouldn’t get into fights. But that’s just me, I guess.”

She gives Kaim a bitter smile.

“Or maybe it’s just me being a mother,” she adds.

“You have parents too, I suppose? Of course you do! Everyone has parents!

“True.”

“Are your father and mother alive and well?”

Kaim bows his head in silence.

On a journey with no clear beginning and no definable end, Kaim is unable to answer a question like this.

Instead, he asks the woman,

“What is the first thing you’ll say when you finally get to meet your son?”

“Good question,” says the mother. After thinking it over a few moments, she replies, “I won’t actually say anything. I think I’ll just hug him and say nothing at all. I’ll hold him tight and let him know how glad I am he’s alive and well.”

“Just supposing though,” Kaim presses her gently, “if you knew that he had lived a less than exemplary life in the capital, too, would you still give him a hug?”

Her response is instantaneous.

“First I’d hug him, and then I’d give him a good talking to!”

She smiles shyly at Kaim and adds,

“That’s what being a parent is all about.”

The next morning she runs a high fever. She may have survived the dew, but a night in the dilapidated building has taken a toll on the old woman’s health.

Even so, when it is time for the ferry to arrive, she struggles to her feet and heads toward the pier with uncertain steps.

Alarmed, Kaim holds her back.

“You’re in no shape to be going out,” he says.

Despite his attempts to bring down her fever with cool spring water from the forest, it is as high as ever. Her labored breathing has taken on a congested rumbling.

“I have to go,” she insists. “My son is coming for me. I’m going to see him…”

She sweeps away Kaim’s restraining hand, but the effort causes her to lose her balance and sink to her knees.

“If he’s on board, I’ll bring him here,” Kaim assures her. “Tell me how I can recognize him.”

Cradled in Kaim’s arms, half-delirious with fever, the wold woman mutters,

“On his left cheek… before he left the island…he got in a fight…somebody cut him…he has a scar…”

Kaim nods and lowers the old woman to a straw mat spread on the ground.

He fights back with a sigh and closes his eyes momentarily, then he stares hard through a small window at the ferry dock.

His suspicions were right after all, though he was sure of it last night.

Kaim was given a written description of the man when he took on the assignment from the gang.

There could be no doubt: “Scar on left cheek.”

The ferry is approaching the harbor.

The pier is showing signs of activity.

Kaim starts for the door.

Behind him, he hears the woman staying,

“Please…don’t kill him…don’t kill my boy…”

Kaim stops short, but instead of turning around, he bites his lip.

“I don’t know what he did…in the capital…but don’t kill him… please…”

So she knows, too.

She knows everything.

“If you have to kill him…if you absolutely have to…please, before you do it…let me just…”

Kaim leaves the ruin in silence.

His steps are uncertain as he makes his way into the blinding glare of the afternoon sun.

This time the man is there.

Trying to lose himself among the traveling peddlers, the man with a price on his head and the scar on his left cheek steps down to the pier.

He is far more emaciated than Kaim’s written description would have led him to believe. No doubt he is exhausted from his years as a fugitive. Still, he has fulfilled his promise to his mother by coming back to the island of his birth.

His eyes dart fearfully over the pier.

His expression changes from that of a man searching for someone to the panicked look of a child who has become separated from his parent.

Kaim slowly plants himself in front of him.

The man knows nothing of Kaim’s mission, of course, and has never met him before.

But he has the instincts of an inhabitant of the back alleys. His face freezes, and he turns to flee.

Kaim grabs him by the shoulder – but lightly, in a way that would make an onlooker think he was witnessing the joyful reunion of old friends. The man tries to shake off the hand, to no avail.

It would be easy enough for Kaim to kill him on the spot.

His eyes show that he has no strength left to fight. Kaim has far more experience than the man does at surviving potentially fatal encounters.

The man knows this.

“If you’re going to kill me, get it over with,” he snarls.

“But if you’ve got a trace of kindness in you, you’ll give me one last chance to do something good for my mother. It won’t take long. Just let me see her. Once. Then you can do whatever you like with me.”

Kaim lets his hand drop from the man’s shoulder.

He is not going to run away.

“So, I didn’t make it after all…” he says with a forced smile. His face tells Kaim that he has probably resigned himself to this fate. It suggests, too, an air of relief at having finally brought his life as a fugitive to an end.

“How many men have you killed?” he asks Kaim.

“I don’t have to answer that.”

“And I don’t really want you to tell me. It’s just that, well, looking at you, I’d say I’m older than you are, and there are some things a person comes to realize when he’s lived a long time. Think about the guys you’ve killed. Every single one of them had parents. Killing a person means killing somebody’s child. Right? When that finally dawned on me, I left the gang. Gangs don’t pay retirement bonuses, so I sort of ‘borrowed’ a little money from them and thought I’d use it to…well, I’ve given my mother a hard time all these years…”

His voice grows thick and muffled. He shakes off the emotion and proclaims with a laugh,

“Ah, what the hell! That’s a lot of sentimental nonsense. I don’t know how many guys I’ve killed over the years, so I figure I’m getting what I deserve. I can’t hate you for what you’re doing.”

A shout comes from the ferry deck: “We will be departing shortly! All passengers bound for the capital should be boarding now!”

Kaim looks hard at the man and says, “Just tell me one thing.”

The man says nothing in reply, but Kaim continues,

“What’s the first thing you’re going to do when you see your mother?”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

“Never mind, just answer the question.”

“I’ll say, ‘I’m back.’ No, I won’t say anything. I’ll just take her in my arms. That’s all.”

“Give her a big hug?”

“Sure. That’s what parents and children are all about.”

Kaim relaxes the grim expression on his face and jerks his chin toward the forest beyond the pier.

“There’s an old, broken-down house in the woods. Your mother’s waiting for you there. Go to her.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t ever come back to the capital. And don’t stay on this island. Take another ferry and go far away to some other island. With your mother.”

The man looks stunned. “You…I mean…”

His voice is trembling.

Kaim says nothing more.

He leaves the man behind and strides toward the boat before it can depart.

Mission accomplished.

Kaim does not care if, in return for this deed, he is labeled a traitor to be pursued by the gang. The image of his own parents praying for their son’s welfare has long since faded from his memory.

 

“Pulling out! Please hurry!” comes the cries of the ferry’s crew.

A big gong is ringing. Startled by the sounds reverberating between the vast stretch of ocean and open sky, brightly-colored birds dart up from the forest. Large birds and small birds – parents and their young? The larger birds seem almost to be shielding the smaller ones beneath their slowly-beating, outstretched wings.

Thousand Years of Dreams Day 28: A Chorus of Cicadas


Day 28’s dream-memory is called “A Chorus of Cicadas”. At first glance the tale being told through Kaim’s remembering this particular memory seem quaint at best and silly for those with cynical hearts. But if one really looked at went deeper into the memory it tells a story about why we sometimes must fight even when peace is what we truly want.

This tale reminds me of the Latin phrase “Si vis pacem, para bellum” which simply translated means “if you want peace, prepare for war”. While war is never something to be undertaken there are times when we must protect that which we hold dear: a bright, peaceful future for our children and their children. It’s the right of every person to defend their hearth and home. To keep their loved ones safe even if defending them involves violence.

Many conflicts, both large and small, always seem to have an element of greed behind it. One side wants what the other side has and willing to fight over it. Which is why it’s much harder to fight for moral ideals and the betterment of future generations than it is for material gain.

A Chorus of Cicadas

This forest is home to a priceless treasure.

A marvelous–and exceedingly rare–creature lives here.

You could search the entire continent and never find another such habitat.

 

“Of course, the value of our ‘treasure’ is not apparent at first glance.”

The village elder holds a cup of liquor made from fermented berries as he speaks. His ancestors have kept watch over this tiny village for generations.

It is summer, and the massed cries of a million cicadas pour down upon the small fort that guards the entrance to the village. The chorus of insects sounds like a steady rain.

“I wonder if you gentlemen understand what I mean?”

The elder scans the dozen or so powerfully-built men gathered at the fort.

All of them wear a look of puzzlement. All but one, that is.

 

“You said your name is Kaim?” asks one of the villagers. “You seem to know what he’s talking about.”

Kaim nods and points upward.

“It’s the cicadas,” he says.

A stir goes through the villagers. With a delighted smile, the elder says, “So you know, do you?”

Far from delighted, the men in armor share suspicious glances.

All are mercenaries.

They have been hired by the villagers to protect the forest’s “treasure.”

 

“Hey, hey, wait just a second there.” rumbles the voice of one soldier, perhaps emboldened by the liquor.

“Are you telling me this ‘treasure’ we’re supposed to protect is just cicadas? What’s so special about them? They’re everywhere.”

“That is true.” says the elder. “Which is why I said the value of our ‘treasure’ is not obvious at first glance.”

 

“They sound just like any cicadas I’ve ever heard.”

Another of the mercenaries says, with a look of amazements.” Yeah, how is this ‘chorus of cicadas’ different from any other? They sound just like the ones in my hometown.”

The other soldiers laugh in agreement.

“Absolutely,” says one.

“No difference,” says another.

 

The elder and the villagers, however, are not amused.

They turn to Kaim as the elder asks him, “Will you help us protect our ‘treasure’?”

“That is what I’m here to do,” he replies. “Tell me again, Kiam. Do you really know the meaning of the ‘treasure’ of this forest?”

“I do . . .”

“Then let me ask you this. Do you know when this summer’s battle will bear fruit?”

Kaim takes a sip of his liquor, releases a long, slow breath, and says,

“In 75 years. We’re fighting for the summer 75 years from now. Is that what you mean?”

 

Another stir goes through the group of villagers.

The elder, with a great look of satisfactions, nods deeply and refills Kaim’s cup.

To the stunned mercenaries, the elder says.

“We have protected our cicada chorus generation after generation.

The ones who made it possible for us to hear this summer’s chorus–listen. It sounds like pouring rain!–are the villagers who were grown-up men 75 years ago when I was just a boy.

The chorus that shook the forest last summer was protected 76 years ago, and next summer the cicadas protected 74 years ago will start singing together. This is how we have prtected the forest of cicadas over the years.

Do you gentlemen now see how much it means to us?”

 

It is a matter of simple arithmetic.

After the eggs are buried in the ground, the cicadas that live in the forest spend 75 long years in the larval stage. At last, in the summer of their 75th year, they become mature insects, come out of the ground, and sing like mad in the treetops for the short week or two they remain alive.

Just before they die, they come down from the trees, mate, and bury their eggs in the ground. The new crop of eggs then spend another 75 long years in the earth . . .
“The fact that we can hear the cicada chorus this summer means only one thing; that the forest was at peace 75 years ago. Similarly, if the forest remains at peace this summer, the villagers will be able to hear the chorus 75 years from now. We have used what little money we have to pay you gentlemen to assemble here for this: to make the forest resound with the cicada chorus in 75 years.”

All the mercenaries but Kaim openly show their disappointment.

“Wait just a second now, grandpa,” says one soldier standing ramrod straight. “You mean to say we’re supposed to risk our lives to protect a bunch of bugs?”

“Exactly.”

“And even supposing we succeed in what we risk our lives for now, the results won’t show up for 75 years?”

“That is precisely what I mean.”

 

“Come on, old man, you must be kidding. If it were money or valuables, that would be one thing, but we might lose our lives here. And for what? Bugs?”

“Well, you are mercenaries, after all.”

“Okay now, grandpa, I’m going to ask you one last time. I know this village is poor and I know you people have had to scrimp and save to put this money together. There’s no question about that. But whenn you say this is for bugs . . . for 75 years from now, you’re not living in the same world I’m living in. For something like that, you’re willing to spend every last bit of money you’ve got and, in the bargain, get us to gamble our lives?

Are you insane?”

 

“We want the children 75 years from now to hear the cicada chorus for themselves. What’s so strange about that? Now we are having trouble understanding you.”

“Don’t toy with me, old man! I can’t take a job like that!” the man shouts and storms out of the fort. Some of the other mercenaries call out to him. “Hey, wait for me!” “I’m coming with you!” “Risk our lives for bugs” What a rotten deal that is!” and they hurry after him. One man after another disappears with a parting remark. “I’m keeping my advance, though,” several of them add.

The only fighter left in the fort is Kaim.

 

The “downpour” of the cicada cries continues unabated.

The whole forest sounds like one gigantic creature.

 

One young man is working the lookout post at the fort in place of departed mercenaries.

He asks Kaim, “Are you all right with this?”

“I’m fine. I knew what I was getting myself into.”

“I heard after they left . . . those men are a bad bunch.”

“It’s true. They’re really in it for what they can get after the job is done.”

They’re fine until they finish protecting the village from the enemy. Then they start asking for “bonuses.” They grab valuables and harass villagers: “We saved the village for you, right? It wouldn’t hurt you to give us a little extra,” they say. The reason this year’s mercenaries quit is because they realized there was no hope of any bonuses out of this village.

 

“Why did you stay, Kaim?” the young man asks him. “There must have been a lot of jobs that would have paid you more.”

“I just thought it wouldn’t be a bad idea to risk my life for something 75 years in the future for a change. That’s all.”

The young man nods his head thoughtfully. Then he tells Kaim one of the old stories of the village.

 

“Long, long ago, way before I was born, when the elder was still a boy, there was a summer when the cicadas didn’t sing at all. Of course, this means that, 75 years before that, there was a battle that ravaged the forest. The elder says that the summer forest without the cicada chorus was so sad and lonely it was horrifying: it actually gave him the chills. The trees themselves were alive, but it felt as if the whole forest had died. Sitting alone in the silent forest, he felt so lonely he wanted to cry. And, worse, he felt intense anger toward our ancestors for not having protected the forest 75 years earlier. The elder tells this story whenever he’s had a little too much to drink.”

Kaim nods in silence.

“I know all about that,” he almost lets himself say, but he swallows his words and smiles instead.

 

The young man goes on, “So anyhow, when the elder was sitting and crying in the forest, he says a traveler came along. A young man. Big and strong–a man like you, Kaim. And he said to the elder, ‘Don’t ever forget how sad and lonely you are today. When you grow up, make sure you never let the children who will come 75 years after you feel this way.’ The elder says he doesn’t remember the man’s face, but he will never forget his words. He tells this story to the young people of hte village over and over.”

Kaim nods again, saying nothing, but the skin on his back seems to creep beneath his shirt.

 

“All these years, the elder has kept the promise he made to the traveler. No matter how much the merchants might have pressed him, he has never let them do anything that will ruin the forest. He has kept on good terms with the neighboring villages to avoid making enemies. He has sometimes entered into dealings that were not to our advantage and lost many chances for us to make money. This is why the village is still so poor.”

The young man gives a self-deprecating chuckle. Still, not one person in the village resents the elder for what he has done. The village kids have always gone into the forest to ‘bathe’ themselves in the shower of the cicada chorus. That’s just how we grew up: we took it for granted. We all feel nothing but gratitude toward the elder–and all the ancestors who came before him–who have enabled us to hear the cicada chorus every year.”

 

Kaim says nothing in reply, but he begins to savor the creeping feeling across his back.

He brings to mind the face of that young boy he met so long ago–more than eighty years ago.

“Why aren’t the cicadas singing?” the boy sobbed. “Why is there not even one cicada this year? Why did our ancestors burn down the forest back then?” But he had a gleam in his eye, and that same gleam, hidden by wrinkles, still resides in the eyes of the elder. Passed down from one generation to the next, it is there in the eyes of the young man guarding the fort with Kaim.

 

This is the very reason that Kaim is here.

Now the village, which has kept the peace for so many years, is about to be attacked. The neighboring country is expanding its power. It’s army has violated the border and is heading this way.

The prospects for victory are slim.

The elder says, “If you can get us through this summer, that is all we need. All we ask is that you help us prevent them from devastating the forest until the cicadas have planted their eggs.”

 

The neighboring country is not likely to show much interest in this poor village, which is merely a pathway for the army marching toward the city beyond the forest. If the village can hold out until the end of summer and surrender with the coming of fall, the enemy will probably charge straight through the forest and head for the city.

The elder says, “And when, after a nice little visit, they leave us, we’ll have to offer them a parting gift. They can have this worn-out old head of mine.”

Laughing, he mimes cutting his own head off.

The elder has transcended any unseemly attachment to the world. He has lived a full life. Now all he wants to do with his remaining time is to give the children 75 years in the future the chance to hear the cicadas.

 

Tell me one thing. Kaim says to the young man bringing his sword closer to hand.

“What’s that?”

“When you’re a grown-up, will you be able to bet your life on a future that is still 75 years away?”

“I will,” he replies without the slightest hesitation. “We can’t see the joyful faces of children 75 years from now, but I do know that the forest has to be filled with the crying of the cicadas every summer, whether now or next year or 75 years from now or even beyond that. That’s what they call the grownups’ responsibility. And I’m not the only one who believes this: all the young people of the village do.”

 

“The elder has raised some damn good young people, I see.”

“What’s that? Did you say something?”

“No, nothing at all.”

Kaim holds himself in readiness, staring straight ahead.

Dust clouds well up on the horizon. An enemy unit seems to be approaching.

 

The chicadas cry without ceasing.

The enemy is coming.

“All right. It’s time.”

Kaim heads out to battle.

The cicada chorus reverberates endlessly as if playing the song of life.

End

Thousand Years of Dreams Day 27: Beyond the Wall


I really like the simplicity and hopeful message which Day 27’s dream-memory imparts. This latest remembered memory from Kaim is titled “Beyond the Wall” and is quite timely in our current times of discord and division.

I grew up in the final decade of the Cold War when two sides suddenly began to realize that all the hatred between the two superpowers were only going to lead to the utter annihilation of the human race. The biggest and most prominent symbol of this division was the Berlin Wall which separated Communist Berlin from the Democratic side. This city which once was the seat of a genocidal madman who brought the world to war became a new silent battleground between differing ideologies which came out from the end of that war.

People on both sides were taught from an early age to hate the other side. Other nations began to take sides whether voluntarily or forced into by those who created the division. By the time I was old enough to understand the Cold War was at it’s height, but at the same time began to see a gradual decline until the unthinkable occurred in the early 1990’s: The Berlin Wall came down and the city which had been divided for almost a half-century was whole once again and people on both sides realized they had more in common than they realized. The monsters each side thought they would find never came to being.

While the Cold War is now over there are now new divisions both small and large. Divisions created by religious extremism on all sides. Divisions created by political parties who have forgotten the need for polite discourse and instead opted for demagoguery. Even racial divisions continue to exist despite forward strides to eliminate them.

In the end, “Beyond the Wall” teaches a simple moral. For all the hate people may have for the “other side” the truth of the matter is that most people have never met or ever been harmed by the “other side” but have bought into being told to hate those not “them” or “us”. Once that “wall” dividing people gets pulled down and we really see who the “other side” really are then, and only then, can we begin that long journey to quitting the job humanity has always been best at: WAR.

Beyond the Wall

The Wall is being demolished

Sledgehammers resound on both sides.

The Wall marked the national borders for decades — until yesterday. “Border” might not be the right word, however. Originally, both sides were part of a single nation. The country became divided owing to differences in ideology, and the two sides remained so mutually antagonistic that a high, thick wall had to be built. Those days are gone now.

A year ago, the leaders of the two sides shook hands in a historic reconciliation.

Today, after much preparation and coordination, the wall that symbolized the two sides’ antagonism is being demolished. The sound of hammering signals the end of opposition and extols the beginning of peace.

“C’mon, give me a break!” says Yuguno, spitting on the ground and glaring at the backs of the people swarming at the wall.

“Look at them, smiling like idiots. I can’t believe it!”

He glances at Kaim by his side as if to say: “Right?”

His still-boyish face wears a scowl of disgust.

“Tell me, Kaim, you’ve been to a lot of different countries and seen all kinds of people. Can people just take years of hatred like that and throw it out the window?”

Kaim gives him a sour smile instead of replying.

Yuguno is a young man, the first person that Kaim became friends with shortly after he arrived in this border town. He is pleasant enough except for is stubborn hatred of people from the “other side”

“One lousy handshake and I’m out of a job. I mean really, give me a break.”

Yuguno used to be a border guard – in other words, one of the men assigned to keep watch on the wall. He had volunteered, eager to kill anyone who dared to come over the wall from the other side. If his superiors had permitted it, he would have gladly crossed over and attacked the other side rather than waiting to fend off an invasion.

As a mandatory part of reconciliaton, however, the border guards were disbanded. Unlike his brothers in arms, who quickly started new lives for themselves, Yuguno was left behind by the changing times.

“Tell me, Kaim, can people be allowed to just slough off their resentments so easily? Do they just not give a damn?”

Kaim does not respond to this.

He knows Yuguno is a victim of the age of confrontation.

Still just a young man — a boy, even — Yuguno has been thoroughly conditioned since childhood to view the other side as the enemy.

Watch out — the other side could attack at any time.

Watch out — the other side are all cruel, cold-hearted villains.

Watch out — if the other side ever invaded us and occupied our towns, they’d burn down our houses, steal our property, kill our men, and assault our women.

Watch out — the day is not far off when they will be invading us. It could be three days from now, or it could be tomorrow. They might be climbing the wall today. This very moment.

Watch out — they’ve already sent their spies among us. And you can tell for sure who they are. They’re the ones who extol and sympathize with the other side by word and by deed.

Watch out — they’re probing for the slightest gaps in our psychological armor. Remain alert. Be ready to draw your sword at any moment.

Watch out, watch out, watch out, watch out.

There was much to be found out about the other side in the history books distributed in the schools on this side. The pictures of the people from the other side portrayed them all as ferocious demons.

“I’m not the only one, you know. All of us were taught the same thing. So how come everybody but me is so happy about the wall coming down?” Yuguno asks, looking utterly bewildered by these new developments.

Again and again he repeats his disbelief.

Finally, Kaim cannot help but respond to him.

“You were too pure”, he says.

“What?”

“It’s not your fault, Yuguno. It’s the ones who filled your pure, honest heart with hatred.”

“Wait a second now, Kaim. The animals who live on the other side of the wall are the ones who did that to me, the horrible things they do…”

Kaim cuts him short.

“Have they ever done anything horrible to you?”

“Well sure, no, not really to me, but . . .

Well, you see . . .”

Yuguno is momentarily at a loss for words until all he can do is raise his voice and blurt out.

“It’s true, though. The whole bunch of them are just horrible people!”

He folds his arms in a decided pout.

“How are they horrible? What did you ever see any of them do? When? Where?”

Yuguno stammers and sputters.

“Have you ever even met somebody from ever there?” Kaim demands to know.

Yuguno hangs his head and shakes it from side to side.

With a grim smile, Kaim says: “Well, I have. And they’re not devils or demons or anything of the sort. How could they be? You used to be part of the same country! But that stuff is beside the point anyway — countries and races and tribes. You’re all human beings. You’re all the same.”

Yuguno stays silent, hanging his head.

Cheers erupt at the wall.

The wall that has seperated the two worlds for decades has just now been broken through.

Representatives from his side and the other side walk through the opening, greet each other with smiles and firm handshakes, and embrace.

The cheers grow louder, and people — mostly people of the younger generation — gather in circles here and there, expressing their joy.

Yuguno glares down at his own shadow and asks Kaim.

“So, what should I do now? All I’ve ever done is hate. All I’ve ever known how to do is hate them.”

Kaim gives Yuguno a pat on the shoulder and says:

“It’s not too late to change. You can start now.”

“Can I?”

“You can, I’m sure of it.”

Kaim is sure because he knows what it was like when both sides were a single country. It was a kindly nation. By no means rich. It was yet a happy country of compassionate people.

“I’m telling you, Yuguno, people can change.”

“If you say so . . .”

“Look over there, Yuguno. Look at those people enjoying themselves.”

Hesitantly, Yuguno raises his head. Around the wall a celebration is beginning. Young people are dancing, singing, toasting each other, engaging in conversation and all of them used to be companions of Yuguno’s who received the same education he did. No doubt the young people on the other side were similarly educated to hate.

“What do you see over there? Demons? Devils?”

Yuguno shakes his head and lets the tightness out of his shoulders.

“I’m beginning to wonder, Kaim, why until now I’ve been so . . .”

Kaim pats him on the shoulder again to signal that he understands.

“People can change,” he says, “they can change from hating to loving — and from loving to hating.”

Yes, Kaim knows about that well. He saw how such a wonderfully unified country was divided in two at the end of a violent civil war.

“Don’t change anymore.” Kaim says, not just to Yuguno but to all the smiling young people.

A young girl hesitantly approaches Yuguno.

She is from the other side. She holds a plate full of cookies.

“Have some if you’d like,” she says, “I baked them this morning.”

The cookies are heart-shaped.

Urged on by the smiling Kaim, Yuguno reaches out for a cookie, his face bright red.

“Thanks” he says shyly and takes a bite of his cookie.

“Good?” she asks.

Yuguno turns a deeper shade of red and says: “Delicious!”
White bird cut across the blue sky —

from the other side to this side,

from this side to the other.

The white birds sail trough the sky almost joyfully, as if to tell the people below.

In the beginning, there were no borders!

Thousand Years of Dreams Day 26: Signpost


This latest and 26th dream-memory which our eternal warrior, Kaim, remembers is another one which hits home for me. The memory’s title is “Signpost” and it deals with another aspect of mortality we humans have to deal with both personally and intimately.

As someone who has experienced the death of a loved one this particular dream-memory definitely hits home. Death is something which we always think of as something that happened to other people and those people’s loved ones, but never to us. There’s so many ways to interpret this memory, but for me I always thought that it teaches us that people should never be left to die alone. Whether it’s someone who will die young and not have experienced a full life or one who has lived to a ripe-old age, they must always be given the time to spend their final moments of life with someone close to them.

To die is part of the natural of things, but that doesn’t mean we can’t help those about to make that journey into that far, green country with some compassion and respect. We need to let them know that their life had meaning and that they affected people around them. That they have a legacy to leave behind. They should be reminded that it’s not their fault they’re dying and that they should have no reason to apologize for. In fact, it’s those being left behind who will have to suffer through the mourning process.

Ever since the day she passed away I have always hoped that my Mom did so with happy thoughts as she moved on and not regrets.

Signpost

“I’ll be gone soon.” Anri says.

“So it makes no difference a life like this.”
She smiles with some effort, puts a gray tablet on her tongue, and swallows it.

Use or possession of this drug by ordinary people is prohibited by law and strictly controlled. The person taking it feels as if every bone in his or her body is melting. All the anxieties and cares of life vanish as the individual wanders in the space between languor and pleasure.

“Why don’t you take one, too?”

Anri pulls another tablet from her leather pouch and holds it out to Kaim, who is standing by her bed.
“Coward!” she says with a grim smile when he shakes his head in silence, and then she places the second tablet on her tongue.

“How many pills does that make today?” Kaim asks.

“Hmm, I forgot . . .”

With empty eyes, Anri stares into space and sighs.

This is an addiction, a serious one.
“How do you feel?” he asks.

“Not bad.” she says. “Very happy.”

She gives him a smile. It is deeper and softer than her earlier smile-though maybe too deep and too soft. It appears to be a smile of ultimate bliss, but, for that very reason, it also has a frightening quality that sends chills up his spine.
The drug is called “signpost.”

This is not its formal designation, of course.

People started calling it that as a secret code word to avoid prosecution, and the term caught on.

“Signpost” is, however, the single most appropriate name for this drug.

Each pill takes the user one step farther down the road. And when withdrawal symptoms strikes, the person rushes to take the next pill, thereby advancing yet another step.
Farther and farther and farther . . .

The road marked by this signpost is a soothing one, entirely free of pain or suffering.

At the end of the road, however, there waits only death.

The use and possession of signpost is so strictly prohibited because it is seen as an invitation to gradual suicide.
“How many more pills, I wonder?”

Anri mutters, stretching her emaciated body full length on the bed.

It is a question that Kaim can not answer. He knows only that she is nearing the end of her signpost journey.

It is for this that Kaim has been called to this hospital, which is a facility for people on the verge of death.
“I have no regrets.” Anri says.

“None at all. This way I die pleasantly, quietly, like going to sleep.”

Her empty eyes fixed on Kaim, but they seem to register nothing.

“I’ll be fine.”

She reaches into the leather pouch again.
“You probably shouldn’t do that.” Kaim says.

“I’m telling you I’m fine.” she says, laughing weakly, and placing a third signpost in her mouth.

She closes her eyes.

Her sunken eye sockets harbor dark shadows.

Kaim settles himself into the chair by her bed.

He waits for her to say more, but she seems to have fallen asleep.

Her breathing is calm, and a slight smile plays upon her sleeping face. The signpost seems to be working. Without the drug, hammer-like pains in her back and violent chills would prevent her sleeping. Even worse than the physical suffering would be the fear of approaching death.
More than a girl than a woman, young Anri was struck by a mortal illness. At the end of her long battle with the disease, the doctor gave up all hope of treating it and prescribed signpost for her instead.

Ordinary people are not allowed to use the drug, but special permission has been given to patients for whom there is no hope of recovery in order to afford them a peaceful death and bring their lives to a quiet close-in other words, to enable them to die without having a deal with a regret or despair.

Before Kaim began this work, a doctor explained the effects of the medicine to him, concluding with a smile, “In other words, signpost forgives all the debts the person has built up toward life.”
Anri wakens.

After she has confirmed Kaim’s presence at her bedside, she says. “You don’t have to worry.” and closes her eyes again, smiling.

“I’m fine. I think I can go just like this . . .”

So, she knows there are other possibilities.
In certain rare cases, signpost can have undesirable side effects. Sometimes at the very end, when the person is just beginning to slide into the abyss of death, there can be an attack of nightmares. The patient experiences a literal death agony. Even though signpost have a provided such a wonderfully tranquil departure on the person’s final journey, every last bit of tranquility can be swept away on the cusp of death.

Worse still, some patients concluded their hallucinatory episode with a frenzied physical outburst. They might have barely enough strength to breathe until, tormented by the nightmares, they lash out violently enough to break the bed or even strangle the caregiver in attendance. Such can be the mysteries of the human body, or, more so, the human heart.
This is why Kaim is here.

He is to stand vigil by Anri’s deathbed against the remote possibility that she might be tormented by nightmares and go wild under the influence of signpost’s side-effects.

The doctor has supplied him with yet another drug.

It is a poison that will kill the patient instantaneously.

Kaim has been instructed to administer it to Anri as soon as she begins to exhibit strange behavior.
“Believe me, this a humane measure,” the doctor said, “not murder by any means. The face of a patient who has suffered the drug’s side-effects is truly grotesque-not something that anyone could stand to look at.

A person’s death should never be that excruciating.

This is a final kindness to give the person a quiet, peaceful ending.”
Kaim was not entirely convinced by the doctor’s rationale. Neither, however, was he able to bring himself to take an issue with it.

Now he can only hope that, led by her signpost, Anri will be able to pass her final moments in peace.

Some part of her inner self might be paralyzed at the moment, and her empty eyes might never regain their former gleam, but if she is happy that way, it is nothing that anyone has the right to deny her.
Waking again, Anri reaches for another signpost but drops the leather pouch.

“Sorry, but . . . would you pick it up for me?” she asks Kaim.

She no longer has the strength even to hold the pouch.

Her final moments are closing in.

Kaim lifts the pouch from the floor, but when she asks him to put a tablet in her mouth, he hesitates for a moment before complying.

Her tongue is dry and rough as sandpaper. She really must be nearing the end.
Having taken another signpost, Anri seems to be overtaken by that languorous feeling again. She moves the flesh of her cheeks in a way that has no meaning, releases a feeble sigh and says, “I was just dreaming.”

“What about?”

“About when I was little . . . everybody was there . . . my father, my mother, my big brother and sister . . . all smiling.”

This is not a good sign. The drug might be having a bad effect.

If the signpost is working properly, she should not be dreaming-especially about her family. The more lingering attachment or regret or sadness a person retains, the more likely he or she is to experience side effects. This is precisely why the family is never admitted to the patient’s room. The final farewells are made before the administering of signpost, and only after everything is finished do they “meet” again.
“Everybody was in such a good mood!”

Kaim wonders if he should give her another signpost.

“I’m sure when I was born that my parents never imagined I would die so young.”

A more season caregiver would probably give her another pill with hesitation. Then Anri would fall into another peaceful sleep without any thoughts to disturb her, perhaps never to wake again.

Kaim, however, sets the leather pouch on a shelf and waits to hear what else she has to say.

Anri herself does not request another signpost but moves the sunken flesh of her cheeks again.

This time the movement takes the form of a deliberate smile.
“You know,” she says to Kaim, “I’m beginning to wonder.”

“About what?”

“Why I was ever born.”

Kaim is at loss for words, but she does not let this prevent her from continuing.

“I mean, if I’m going to die so young, when I’ve never had a chance to fall in love, wouldn’t it have been better if I’d never been born at all?”

Kaim nods as if to tell her that he understands.

Why was I ever born?

This is the question that Kaim himself has been pondering all through his endless journey.

He has still not found the answer, and maybe never will.

“My mother and father will be sad, I’m sure.”

“You had better rest now.”

“Maybe I was born to make my parents sad.”

“Close your eyes and take a few long, deep breathes.”

“Can I have some more medicine?”
This time he gives it to her without hesitation.

“Thank you,” she says simply for the first time, and then closes her eyes.

“I guess it’s possible I might never wake up again.”

“It’s possible.”

“It’s a good thing to die without suffering, isn’t it?”

“It probably is.”

“And to die with your head in a fog, without thinking or feeling anything . . . that’s a good thing, too, isn’t it?”
Kaim says nothing.

This is a question he cannot answer, a question he doesn’t want to answer.

Anri falls asleep without asking him anything else.

She is still sound asleep when the doctor examines her and tells Kaim, “She will probably pass away before the night is out.”
It is late that night-close to dawn-when Anri begins to suffer.
“I’m sorry, Mommy, I’m sorry I ate the jam, It was me.”

She is running a high fever with large drops of sweat on her forehead as she moans deliriously.

“What’s taking you so long, Daddy? Hurry, hurry, the butterfly’s going to fly away!”

Kaim wonders if she could be reliving memories of early childhood.
“You hit me! Big brothers shouldn’t hit their little sisters! You’re bad! I’m gonna tell Mommy!”

Convulsions wrack her entire body.
“Let me in! I want to play with the big girls!”

It doesn’t end with her delirium.

She starts moving her arms as if trying to embrace family members floating around her.

This is what they were afraid of: the side-effects.
“Take me with you, please! I don’t want to stay here! Don’t leave me!”

Her cries mingle with tears. Hallucinations seem to have taken the place of past memories in her empty eyes.
“Please, I’ll be good! I’ll do what you tell me, Mommy and Daddy! Take me with you!”

In fact, just the opposite is happening: the ones being left behind are the family who so loved the youngest daughter, Anri.
“Don’t leave me alone! Mommy! Daddy! Come back, please!”

He can feel her pain and sorrow.

Her convulsions become increasingly violent. Her face contorts in agony.
Alerted by the commotion, a doctor comes charging into the room.

“What are you doing?” he shouts at Kaim, “Put her out of her misery now!”

Kaim knows what he should do.

This is what he was hired for. The poison that will prevent Anri from suffering any more is within easy reach.

What he takes hold of, softly, however, is not the poison but the hands that Anri stretches out into empty space.
“What are you doing?” the doctor shouts at him.

“Stop it! This is a direct violation of your duties! You’re fired!”

Kaim turns toward the fuming doctor and says simply, “Be quiet, please.”

“What in the hell are you-“

But the doctor breaks of his shouting when he catches sight of the look on Anri’s face.

She is smiling.
“Are these my mother’s hands? My father’s? Big brother’s? Big sister’s? Tell me whose hands are these?” she asks joyfully.

Feeling the strength of Kaim’s grasp, she squeezes back, an almost indescribably happy smile on her face, tears streaming from her eyes.

“I’m here with all of you . . . together . . . always . . . “

Her convulsions have subsided, and her breathing has calmed down.
Kaim whispers in her ear, “Thank you, Anri.”

“Daddy?”

Smiling through her tears, she says, “I know it’s you!”

Kaim smiles back at her and says, “I’m speaking for all of us-for me, your mother, your brother, your sister, when I say ‘Thank you, Anri.”

Anri seems almost embarrassed when she asks, “For what?”

“For having been born, Anri. For having come to be with us. For having allowed us to share time with you. Mommy and I and Brother and Sister, we’re all so grateful to you for that.”
Unfortunately, life has its limits. There are long lives and short lives.

And in life-even more unfortunately-there is happiness and unhappiness.

There are happy lives and unhappy lives.

For all of this, however, for the chance to be alive in this world, for the chance of having lived life in this world, the only thing to say is

“Thank you”
When Kaim says this to her, Anri gives her slender chin a little shake and says,

“No, I should be the one to be thanking you…all of you.”

These are Anri’s last words.

The look on her face in death following the torment of the drug-induced nightmares is neither tranquil nor peaceful.

It is, however, happy.
Are you really leaving us?” the doctor asks Kaim with a genuine show of regret.

Dressed for the road, Kaim smiles and says, “I don’t think I’ll be ever able to perform the duties of a caregiver properly.”

“To tell you the truth, Kaim, I still can’t get over the fact that it’s even possible to do it your way.”

With a serious look, he adds, “I wonder if your hands give of some substance like signpost. Otherwise, I can’t imagine how she could have died so happily.”
Kaim turns his palms toward the doctor. “They’re just ordinary hands, nothing special.”

“I’m not so sure about that,” the doctor says. “If we spent some time studying them properly, maybe . . .”

Kaim shakes his head with a sour smile as if to say “You wouldn’t find a thing.”

He does have one point to make with the doctor”

“I’ve seen lots of people die alone-probably a lot more than any of you doctors have. That’s why I wanted to bring her together with her family at the end. That’s the only reason I took her hand.”
The doctor’s vague nod suggests that he is not, but Kaim is through talking with him.

He strides off toward the highway.

He must continue his journey.

His journey will go on as long as he is unable to reply to Anri’s question.

Why was I ever born?

Anri had a family at least. His life consisted of her joining and leaving her family.

Kaim has not had even that much.
Where did I come from?

Where am I going?

Why does the passing wind draw Kaim along on his endless journey?

A journey without signposts.

This is why Kaim is always free-and always alone.

END

Thousand Years of Dreams Day 25: Stones of Heaven


Day 25’s dream-memory is called “Stones of Heaven” and it’s a tale that when looked into should remind people of their own lives.

This remembered dream-memory of Kaim’s explores the meaning of strength and weakness in humanity. In one end, we have people who dedicate so much of their lives to achieving perfection and discipline that they soon begin to shed the very humanity which gave them the strength to begin their journey in the first place. On the other side of the equation we have those who have failed in their own attempts to achieve something great yet from this failure (or failures) they’re able to gain a sort of wisdom which just reinforces their very humanity in the face of adversity and hardship.

Stones of Heaven

The waterfall lies deep in the forest, more than a day’s travel from the nearest village.

It is said to be a holy place.

In search of the divine amid the towering peaks, pilgrims stand beneath the plunging falls in their final ascetic practise.

The water of the falls is freezing cold.

All it takes is a momentary lapse of concentration, and the person is hammered down by the rushing water.

The pilgrims call this waterfall the Stones of Heaven.

Heaven is testing their mental and physical strength, they say, by hurling an endless stream of “stones” down upon them in the form of the powerful waterfall.

“And the stones have a mysterious power,” a former pilgrim says to Kaim with a pained smile. He himself failed in this final austerity, he adds.

“Different Stones of Heaven fall on each person. It’s as if they can see into your heart.”

“What do you mean?” Kaim asks.

“The burdens you bore and the dreams you dreamed in the secular world appear to you one after another.”

In his own case, he says, what came to him first were the voices of women.

“The water plunging down into the basin of the falls began to sound like women’s voices. Sweet voices whispering in my ear, voices sobbing, voices moaning in a lover’s embrace… an incredible variety. And for better or worse I knew every single one of them. Some I was thrilled to hear again, while others I hated remembering.”

“Meaning, you’ve gotten yourself into a lot of trouble involving women?”

“I have indeed. Not to boast or anything, but that was one battlefield I knew better than anybody. I survived, but I made a lot of women cry, and there were a lot of them I loved. My whole purpose in undertaking the austerities was to put that life behind me, but the Stones of Heaven know what they’re doing. In the final, final test, they go after your greatest weakness. If you waver the slightest bit, you’ve had it. The water slams you down, and your austerities are over.”

The man feeds a stick of kindling into the campfire.

“And I’m not the only one,” he continues.

“One fellow heard the voice of the mother he hadn’t seen since he was a little boy; another heard the voice of his dead child.”

“Is it always voices?”

“I wish it were. If you hold up through the voices, the waterfall’s mist starts changing into the shapes of people. You might see somebody who you hated so much in the secular world that you wanted to kill him, or it might be some loan shark you had to go into hiding to get away from.

One little flinch and you’re done for.”

This particular austerity can be performed only once. There are no second chances.

Someone who has persevered for a whole day and night but who fails in the end has no choice but to return to the secular world in defeat, as this man did.

“Not that it was easy for me to get on my feet again once I was back there, either.”

The man chuckles and calls out to a young pilgrim. Or, more precisely, to a young man who was a pilgrim until a few moments ago, but who has just now dragged himself up to the lip of the basin in utter dejection.

“Hey, young fellow, the campfire’s over here. I’ve got liquor to warm up your insides, and some fresh-grilled meat. Get a little of that in your stomach and you’ll have the strength to make it down to the village.”

The man now makes his living as master of the teahouse by the waterfall. Of course, pilgrims undergoing austerities carry no money with them, but the man is not expecting to become rich doing this work.

For bodies chilled by long hours of pounding under the waterfall, he provides a warming fire, food and drink, and sometimes even money to tide them over when they first go down to the village. Payment can be made at any time. The men can bring him the money after they have started to take in earnings again from the jobs they find in the secular world.

He sets no date for repayment. He takes no IOUs. He says he is fine with that.

“Aren’t there some who don’t pay at all?” Kaim asks.

“Of course there are,” the man says matter-of-factly. “But I think my running this teahouse has another kind of discipline for myself.”

“Another kind of discipline?”

“That’s right. The Stones of Heaven will accept only the strongest pilgrims, the ones unperturbed by anything. The role I want to play is to accept the ones who were broken by the Stones of Heaven – the weak human beings. I want to go on accepting the weakest of the weak. The kind who not only succumb to the Stones of Heaven but who even fail to pay for their food and drink afterwards!”

“That is your kind of discipline?”

“Exactly. It makes for a hard living, that’s for sure. I thought I was prepared to deal with cheats and weaklings, but there are a lot more of those than I ever bargained for,” he declares with a hearty laugh.

But then he quickly turns serious and says, “To tell you the truth, I think of this less as a form of discipline than as a way to get even.”

“Get even? With whom?”

“With those gods or whatever they are that keep hurling down their Stones of Heaven.

Human beings are weak – shockingly so, in the eyes of a God. But, I think, and this is not just because of what happened to me, that being weak is the best thing about human beings. Weakness can make us cunning, but it can also make us kind. Weakness can torment us, but it can just as easily be our salvation.

Don’t you see? If the gods are hurling down their Stones of Heaven just to make people aware of their own weakness – just to make us savor our own powerlessness – then I’d just as soon drop my trousers and moon them. I’ll slap my bare butt and say to them,

‘I’m not like you! I’m not going to punish human beings for being weak! I accept them for what they are, weakness and all!'”

The man feeds a new piece of kindling to the fire and says with a shy shrug, “I guess I got carried away.”

Kaim smiles and shakes his head as if to say, “Not at all.”

“Tell me, though,” the man goes on. “I see you’re a traveller, but you don’t seem to be a pilgrim.”

“You’re right, I’m not,” Kaim says. “I was trying to cross over the pass and took the wrong road.”

“Well then, as long as you’re here, why not give the Stones of Heaven a try? It’ll be something to talk about.”

“No, thanks,” Kaim says, smiling.

“Whats the matter? Afraid they’re going to show you whatever it is that shakes you up?” The man smiles and nods. “Can’t say I blame you, though.”

The man is mistaken about Kaim. He is not the least bit afraid of such a thing.

What scares him is the opposite prospect. That of not being shaken up. Of encountering in himself a person unmoved by anything at all.

“Anyway, it would be suicide to jump into the waterfall without preperation.”

“How’s that?”

“It’s freezing cold, for one thing. There’s even colder water bubbling up from a spring in the basin. Even the most well-conditioned person has to be careful and take time to accustom himself to the low temperature. If you go in all at once, it can stop your heart.”

The man jerks his chin in the direction of the falls as if to say, “Look at them.”

Two new pilgrims are preparing themselves for the challenge of the Stones of Heaven.

The men appear to be brothers. The older one kneels at the edge of the basin, splashing himself and massaging the cold water into his skin from foot- to heart-level. The younger brother is too impatient for that. He wants to jump right under the falls. The elder brother cautions him and takes all the time he needs to accustom himself to the water’s coldness.

He exudes the quiet power of one who has withstood the most rigorous training.

“Aha,” the teahouse owner says to Kaim, smiling. “we’re in for a rare privilege. I think we are about to see the first successful attempt in a long while.”

“You can tell?” Kaim asks.

“You can if you’ve spent as much time here as I have. The winners and losers are decided before the men ever step under the falls.”

Having completed his meticulous preparations, the elder brother enters the basin. Even then, the steps he takes are slow and cautious.

The younger brother follows him in, kicking up a spray with every step.

“The younger one is hopeless,” says the man with a sigh, adding another stick of kindling to the fire.

“I’d better get the liquor ready now,” he mutters to himself.

The brothers stand side by side beneath the pounding waterfall. The Stones of Heaven rain down upon them.

As the man predicted, the elder brother, utterly calm, stands up to the onslaught of images sent by the Stones of Heaven.

Also as the man predicted, the younger brother yields to the Stones of Heaven and is beaten down into the basin of the waterfall.

But then something happens that goes far beyond what the man predicted.

Writhing in agony, the younger brother bobs helplessly in the basin, unable to rise himself.

He is drowning.

He tears at his own chest. His heart is failing. He was not fully prepared to enter the icy water.

“Help me, brother, please!”

But the elder brother doesn’t move. He remains under the waterfall in total concentration.

“Hey, what are you doing there? Hurry and help him!” the man yells, but the elder brother’s expression remains unchanged. He never flinches.

“He’s drowning! You can’t just leave him like that. He’ll die!”

The elder brother never moves.

He grits his teeth, keeps his eyes clamped shut, and shows no sign of moving out from under the waterfall, as if to declare, “This is it! This is the final test of the Stones of Heaven!”

The man screams at him, “You idiot!” and dives into the rolling basin in a rash effort to help the younger brother.

For the moment his untrained body hits the frigid water, the shock of it seizes his heart.

Still, he reaches out toward the drowning brother, who is sinking beneath the surface. A great shudder goes through him and with an enormous groan he takes hold of the young man’s wrist and pulls his limp body toward him.

He tries to return to the shore, but his strength gives out and he falls back into the water.

Next it is Kaim’s turn to dive into the basin beneath the falls. He takes hold of the two unconscious men and drags them toward the shore.

The tones of Heaven pour down on Kaim, and he is assaulted by one vision after another –

battlefields,

scenes from his wanderings,

shooting stars,

the climbing and sinking sun,

raging winds,

and countless deaths of those he has come to know on the road of his all-too-long life.

It will do you no good, he silently declares to the gods hurling the Stones of Heaven at him.

My heart remains unmoved. I have lived through a reality far crueler than any phantom you can show me.

Whether or not his life is a sign of his strength, he does not know. He will not boast of it, nor will he tell the tale to others.

He has, however, lived it; that much is certain. He has lived it through the years.

Kaim climbs onto the shore and lays the limp bodies of the teahouse master and the younger brother beside the fire.

As he warms himself, he thinks, The Gods who hurl the Stones of Heaven are inferior Gods.

If they could truly see into everything, they would never have been foolish enough to show Kaim scenes from his past. For what would disturb him most of all would be the unwelcome sight of moments from his own limitless future.

And if they were to ask him the simple question, “For what purpose were you born?” his knees would buckle in an instant.

The first to regain consciousness is the young pilgrim.

The teahouse master’s condition is critical. Kaim’s attempts to warm him and massage his clenched heart have little effect.

“Pull yourself together now! Look, we’ve got a fire here – the fire you built! Let it warm you!”

Kaim shouts into his ear until the man finally manages to force his eyes open a crack and move his purple lips.

“Is… is he… all right?”

“Sure, he’s fine, don’t worry.”

“Oh, good… good…”

“Pull yourself together, man!”

“Tell me, though… is strength the same as coldness?”

“Never mind! Stop talking!”

“Because if it’s true… if strength is coldness, I don’t want any part of it…”

The man gives Kaim a faint smile and closes his eyes.

He will never open them again.

Human beings are weak and fragile.

All it takes for a person to die is for a fist-sized organ to stop beating.

Human kindness, on the other hand, may derive from everyone’s profound awareness of the fragility of life.

Facing the teahouse master’s lifeless corpse, the younger brother hangs his head and cries. This weak man, defeated by the Stones of Heaven, sheds heartfelt tears for the man who saved his life.

His strong elder brother, meanwhile, is still being pounded by the waterfall, unfazed by the Stones of Heaven.

Surely his strength will be recognized by the gods, and he will bring his ascetic training to perfect completion.

Still, Kaim finds the tear-stained face of the younger brother beautiful in a way the stronger elder brother’s can never be, and he wishes that he himself could be moved like the younger man.

There was an unmatched nobility in the last smile of the teahouse master who gave up his life to save that of a complete stranger. Kaim wishes that he, too, could experience such feelings.

And what of my own face?

Living through a thousand years of life is not strength.

Yet, burdened with a life he cannot lose, will Kaim ever be able to change weakness into kindness?

This he cannot tell.

He can only live, unknowing.

He can only walk on.

He can only continue his journey.

Kaim looks at his reflection in the basin of the waterfall.

On the water’s heaving surface, he sees the trembling face of a lonely wanderer.

Thousand Years of Dreams Day 24: The Village Closest to Heaven


“The Village Closest to Heaven” is the Day 24 entry of this 33-day marathon of Shigematsu Kiyoshi’s short stories which make up the Kaim collection, He Who Journeys Eternity.

It’s a tale remembered by an immortal warrior who cannot die no matter if it’s natural causes or through war. He has experienced death in all its forms and yet he always remains the only one untouched by Death and remain to wander the world as the eternal warrior. It’s during one such stop in a village that he sees a people who doesn’t see death as something to fight against but something they’ve accepted as part of their natural order of things.

It’s this acceptance that has made each and every person in this village to live their lives to the fullest each and every day for no one knows if tomorrow their time will come for them to go to “heaven”. It’s a way of living that many nowadays would consider as crazy. Too much do people think that they can fight death and their focus and life has been consumed at doing just that they fail to live a full life. It’s only in the end when their struggle to fight off the inevitable has failed do they finally realized how much of their life they’ve wasted.

There’s a moral to this tale and that’s to live life to the fullest. Enjoy life and do it with those you love and care about. Worrying about things we never really have control over is a waste of the finite time we have.

The Village Closest to Heaven

In this village ringed by jagged mountains, the women give birth to many children.

Five or six is not uncommon. Just the other day, the wife of the village headman gave birth to her tenth child.

“And why do you think that is?” the young fellow asks the traveller, looking down at the snow-blanketed village.

Kaim cocks his head in search of an answer.

Meanwhile, the young man takes something like a piece of crystal candy from a small leather pouch. He pops it into his mouth and says with a laugh, “Because they die right away.”

“The children?”

“Uh-huh. Hardly anybody grows up to be an adult. Most kids die after five or six short summers. Look at the village headman’s wife; she’s lost seven kids already.”

Whether from a genetic problem or a disease endemic to the area, the people of this village have always lived short lives, he says, from way, way back.

“Now that you mention it,” says Kaim, “I haven’t seen any old people here.”

“See what I mean? A few decades ago, I’m told, one person lived to be fifty, but people say that’s the oldest anyone ever got in the whole history of this village.

This is why we give birth to lots of kids – give birth to a lot and lose a lot.

If just one of them lives into adulthood, though, the family line is saved and the village history continues. You see my point?”

The young man is sixteen, as is his wife.

Their first child is due to be born any day now – literally today or tomorrow.

The young man crunches down on the candy in his mouth. “Let’s get going,” he says, and around his wrists he winds the ropes he uses to pull the sled. He hasn’t loaded the sled yet, but dragging it up the steep, snow-covered road is hard work. This, he says, is why the pay is so good.

Only a few days earlier, he lost his good friend and fellow worker, who had been three years his senior. When Kaim happened along, the young man asked him if he would help by pushing the sled from behind until they cleared the pass. Kaim agreed, and they became an instant team.

Kaim circles around to the back of the sled and asks,

“You don’t have any animals to pull the sled?”

“Afraid not,” says the young man. “I know it’s strange, but our horses and cattle and donkeys all die young. You can spend a lot of money at the town market buying an animal, and it’ll keel over before it’s done a lick of work. Finally, the best way is for us humans to plow the fields and pull the sleds ourselves.”

The arms with which the young man himself is pulling the sled are massive, and he forges through the road’s snowy cover with powerful steps.

His fellow worker was stronger still, he says. “He taught me how to pull the sled, how to set rabbit traps, how to build a fire… all the skills I need to live, with all the love he would give to a kid brother. Before I knew it, he was gone.”

People here always die suddenly, he says. “They can be perfectly healthy one minute and drop dead the next. No time for suffering. Just like that. No time to call a doctor. Even if a doctor comes, there’s nothing he can do.”

“Did your friend die that way?”

“Uh-huh. He was shoveling the snow that piled up overnight, clearing the road, when he dropped dead. By the time we ran over to help him, he was gone. That’s how it always is. Always. That’s how they die. Grown-ups, kids… everyone.”

“And you, too, then…”

“I guess so. Nobody knows when the moment is coming. It might be decades from now, or it could be tomorrow…”

After this cool pronouncement, the young man turns to look at Kaim and, pointing to his own chests, says with a smile, “Or maybe even now.”

The smile is genuine, without a hint of despair or bitterness toward the cruelty of his fate.

“Aren’t you afraid to die?” Kaim starts to ask him but stops himself. It’s a stupid question, he decides, and one that he is not qualified to ask.

Where could a man burdened with eternal life find appropriate words to speak to a man burdened with the threat of sudden death?

Kaim and the young man keep dragging the sled up the steep mountain path. Their destination is the lake beyond the pass. The young man’s job calls for him to cut ice from the surface of the frozen lake and transport it back to the village.

“We in the village call the like the ‘Spring of Life’.

If you trace the source of the water that bubbles out of the ground here and there in the village, you will always wind up at the Spring of Life.”

Kaim nods silently.

“The ice from the Spring of Life takes forever to melt. That’s why, look, you can even do this…”

Again the young man takes a piece of the crystal candy – or, rather, ice – from his leather pouch and puts it in his mouth.

“It gives you energy. It’s indispensable when doing hard work or for pregnant women or infants. Just put a piece in your mouth and it gives you instant strength.”

The young man offers a piece to Kaim, who nods again in silence.

“We’re really not supposed to give any to outsiders, but you’re special ’cause I’m putting you to work. If I give it to you, though, I want you to help me load the ice on the sled. I can handle it by myself on the way back.”

Kaim silently accepts the ice from the young man, who assures him, “It tastes good, too,” and watches him, smiling. Kaim averts his gaze somewhat and puts the piece in his mouth.

The ice should be nothing but frozen water, but it has a mild sweetness.

Just as Kaim expected.

He spits it out when the young man is not looking.

Poison. I know that taste, thinks Kaim.

The village people are used to this taste, so they think nothing of it. Without a doubt, though, there is poison in the ice.

The long flow of time smoothes over the wounds inflicted by history. The permanently snow-capped peaks make people forget the existence of the wide world on the other side.

The young man calls this lake the Spring of Life, but those who lived far beyond the mountains, at the source of the river that feeds the lake, used to know it as the Pit of Death.

Long, long ago – several hundred years ago – the entire area around the river’s source was polluted with the poisonous metallic outflow from a mine.

The river was filled with dead fish floating belly-up, and the poisonous gas that rose like a mist from the ground killed both the earthbound animals and the birds in the sky.

The forests withered, and the lively town that had grown up with the development of the mine became a deserted ruin.

Nature took many years to recover, but the forests eventually turned green again, which attracted small animals and eventually the larger animals that hunted them.

People, however, never came back, and there was no one left to hand down the story of the tragedy that occurred at the river’s source deep in the mountains.

The only one who knows everything that happened is Kaim, the man who has lived a thousand years.

The young man stands by the frozen lake and takes a nice, satisfying stretch.

“You know,” he says to the traveller, “I sometimes think this village might be the closest one to Heaven in the whole world. Perhaps it’s because we are too close to Heaven that we’re all summoned by the gods early on. Don’t you think that might be true?”

Kaim says nothing in response to this.

Over many years, this lake has accumulated the metallic poison that flowed into it from upstream. And over many years the poison that infiltrated the soil has mingled with the ground water, bubbling up in the spring water with which the villagers slake their thirst.

No one knows the exact chemical makeup of the poison, but at least it does not cause the villagers to suffer until, at the last moment of their lives, the accumulated poison suddenly takes its toll. This may be its one fortunate aspect. On the other hand, this might simply make the misfortune it brings all the more conspicuous.

“Still,” the young man says as he saws off a piece of ice by the shore,

“I do hope that the children my wife and I have will be able to live longer lives – say, if we have five, at least one of them will live long enough to grow up and have kids. That way, for me, it would be like finding some meaning in having been born into this world. It was the same for my father and mother, and my grandparents. They all had lots of kids and mourned the loss of lots of kids but managed to raise one or two to adulthood before they died. That’s what gives our life meaning.”

He wipes the sweat from his brow and puts another piece of ice candy in his mouth.

If I were to tell him everything I know, thinks Kaim, if I were to tell him everything that had been buried in the darkness of history, and if he were to tell the other villagers, the tragedy might not have to be repeated.

The young man says, “When a baby is born here, they ring the village bell. Also when someone dies. The same for both; birth and death are like two sides of the same coin. So there’s no sadness when someone dies. Everybody sees them off with a smile and a wish; ‘You go ahead of us to Heaven and save a good spot there for us.’ Do you understand that sentiment?”

“I do,” says Kaim. “I do.”

“That’s how we’ve always done it; welcoming lots of new lives to the village and sending lots of lives off to Heaven. I’ve never been much of a student, so I don’t know exactly how to put this, but I kind of think maybe ‘the village closest to Heaven’ is a place where life and death are right next door to each other.”

The young man gives Kaim an embarrassed smile at the sound of his own words.

“Maybe it’s because I’m about to have a kid of my own that I’m starting to think about these complicated things.”

“No, that’s fine, I see exactly what you mean,” Kaim says.

The moment the words leave his mouth,

a bell sounds from the foot of the hill –

several long, slow rings.

“That’s it!” exclaims the young man. “My child has been born!”

He dips his head and says again, as if savoring the sound of his own words, “My child!”

While the bell is rung likewise for births and deaths, the young man says, the sound in each case is subtly different. When a young villager learns to tell the two apart, he or she is considered to be an adult.

“I hope this one lives a long time…” the young man says, choking with the flood of emotions that show on his face, but then he goes on as if to negate his own hopes for the future;

“Either way, whether it lives a long time or not, my child has now been born into this world. That’s all that matters. I’m so happy, so happy…”

Eyes full of tears, he turns a beatific smile on Kaim.

And then-

Still smiling, he collapses where he stands.

Kaim lays the young man’s corpse on the sled and returns to the village.

As the young man said, the villagers accept his death with the same smiles they had for the birth of his baby.

Death is not a time for sorrow. It simply marks whether one has been called to Heaven earlier or later.

The young man’s wife takes an ice candy from the leather pouch he has left behind and places it gently into the baby’s mouth.

“I want you to grow up to be strong and healthy,” she says.

“Daddy is saving a wonderful place for you up in Heaven. But go there slowly, slowly… and until you go to Heaven, I want you to grow up here in the village till you’re nice and big.”

Her words have the gentle tone of a lullaby.

Kaim says nothing. If he is to stand unflinchingly for what is right, his silence may be a crime. But, burdened with eternal life, Kaim knows how suspect the “right” can be. Throughout history, people have fought and wounded and killed each other in the name of what they declared to be “right”. By comparison, the look on the dead young man’s face is tranquility itself.

The “village closest to Heaven” is filled with happiness indeed.

The baby starts to cry, its loud wailing like a celebration of the beginning of it’s own life, however short that life is likely to be.

Kaim leaves the village with a smile on his face.

The village bell begins to peal, reverberating with utter clarity through the distant mountains as if to bestow a blessing on the young man who lived life to the fullest with neither resentment nor regret.

And when this too-long life of mine draws to a close,

Kaim thinks,

I’d like to be sent off with the sounds of bells like this if possible.

Because he knows that day will never come, Kaim walks on, never stopping, never looking back.

His long journey is far from over.

Thousand Years of Dreams Day 23: The Ranking of Lives


Time to begin the third and final leg of this 33-day marathon and to usher this in will be the dream-memory simply titled, “The Ranking of Lives”.

It’s actually quite a coincidence that a dream-memory about a particularly virulent plague Kaim lived through in the past will come up the night before the release of the Steven Soderbergh film about a similar topic in his latest film, Contagion. The title of the memory Kaim remembers is also quite timely in that it brings to the mind my own country’s struggle on the idea of affordable health care for everyone. It’s a topic that has split the country between those who thinks this should be a necessity for everyone and those who think the government shouldn’t get involved in forcing such a plan to everyone whether they want it or not.

I try to remain silent about this topic when it comes up and will continue to do so here. I will say that the idea of ranking people’s lives in importance to the group, nation or state is an idea whose logic I do understand, but also one that is difficult for me to accept as a human being. It brings to mind the nature of the battlefield triage. In time of battle many soldiers and civilians will be wounded. It’s the level of their woulds which determines whether they get immediate treatment or pushed back to allow someone who needs the help more. Battlefield triage is a concept I do think takes the “ranking of lives” in a more humane fashion. Doctors and medics only look at the extent and level of the injuries. The patient’s standing in society both in the military and as a civilian don’t matter as much as whether the patient’s injuries need immediate attention. If their injuries are life-threatening, but can be mended then they go ahead of the line. If their injuries is not life-threatening then they wait.

Now, some will ask about those who are dying and whether they also get immediate help. It’s here that physicians must always make the toughest decisions. Do they take precious time and resources to try and save someone who is beyond saving or do they just help ease the pain and allow them to move on in relative peace? It’s a decision that not anyone can make and, for most of us, it’s something we’re glad we never have to make.

This type of “ranking lives” I can understand and accept, but it is still something that shouldn’t be easy to deal with.

The Ranking of Lives

A terrible epidemic is ravaging the kingdom.

The onset of the disease is sudden. Due to genetic or perhaps hormonal factors. It strikes only males. The victim experiences a high fever, a violent headache, and often a swift death.

The disease does have two hopeful aspects.

First of all, if an individual survives it, he need not fear catching it again: from then on he has immunity.

Secondly, an extremely effective medicine exists. If used preventatively or in the initial stages of the disease, the drug, a tablet made primarily from a plant that grows in the mountains, almost always results in a cure.

Does this mean people can relax, and that there is no need to worry?

Unfortunately not, for an ironic twist of fate is something that life tends to thrust upon people all too often.

The high-altitude plant used to make the medicine that is so effective in prevention and early cure is extremely rare, verging on extinction.

In other words, there is not enough medicine for all the kingdom’s subjects, only for certain people.

“Do you see what I mean?” asks Dok, a quiet man on patrol in the capital’s marketplace with his fellow military policeman, Kaim.

Sending his sharp gaze down one alley after another, Kaim responds “You’re saying they rank people to decide who gets the medicine?”

“Exactly,” says Dok.

“In deciding the rank order, they brand us as either ‘Subjects Indispensable to the Nation’ or ‘Other Subjects’.”

Capital military policemen will receive their medicine relatively early, which demonstrates their ranking as “Subjects Indispensable to the Nation.”

“I guess it makes sense,” Dok goes on, “If all of us were to keel over, order in capital would break down like nothing. We always have to be the picture of health as we patrol the city, right Kaim? ‘For the sake of the homeland,’ as they say.”

“I suppose so . . .”

“First the royal family gets the medicine. Then the royal guards. Third comes politicians, and then the financiers who run the country’s economy, the police and fireman, doctors, and finally us-the capital military police. There’s not enough to give it to just anybody.”

Dok all but spat out those final words, and asks, “What do you think, Kaim? Ordinary subjects are people, too. Is it okay to ‘rank’ them like that?”

In theory, Kaim should be able to reply without hesitation that of course it is not okay.

But, realistically speaking, he says, “There’s no way around it.” He averts his gaze from Dok’s as he hear himself saying these words.

“No way around it huh?” he mutters with obvious distaste.

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe there is no way around it.”

He sounds as if he is trying to convince himself, in fact it does seem to be the only means open to them.

“The folks here in the marketplace know about the disease, obviously.”

“Obviously.” answers Dok.

“If their fears get the better of them, they could riot at any time.”

“Absolutely.”

“We can just manage to keep the peace by patrolling the streets like this.”

“I know what you mean.”

“If we were to succumb to the disease, their lives would put them more at risk. If we can’t dose every subject in the kingdom, all we can do is think about how best to keep the harm or the impact of the disease to an absolute minimum.”

“I couldn’t have said it better myself Kaim. You get a perfect score. Good job!”

His words of praise carry obvious barbs.

Sensing their presence, Kaim falls silent. Underlying Dok’s sharp comments is not only the pain of biting saracasm but the sorrow of helplessness.

Two children, a boy and a younger girl, run past the men, laughing. Dressed in rags, they have probably come from the slum behind the market to gather scraps of vegetables little better than garbage.

Dok points to their receding forms and says,

“I’d like to ask you a question, Kaim.”

“All right . . .”

“Are those kids ‘Subjects Indispensable to the Nation?”

Kaim has no answer for him. Because he knows the right answer all too well, he can only lapse into silence.

Responding to Kaim’s silence with a bitter smile, Dok goes on,

“According to your logic, Kaim, if those kids fall sick and die. “There’s no way around it.’ Or at least capital police like us have a greater right to the medicine than those kids do. Am I right, Kaim? Isn’t that what you’re saying?”

Kaim could hardly declare that he was wrong.

Responding again to Kaim’s silence, Dok asks,

“Now don’t misunderstand me. I’m not attacking you. It’s just that everybody is indispensable to somebody. Even those kids. They may be just a nuisance to the state-poor beggars, but to their parents they are indispensable lives that must be protected at all cost. Am I wrong?”

What a kindhearted fellow, Kaim thinks, maybe too kind – to a degree that could prove fatal for a soldier.

From the direction of the castle comes the sound of the great bell – an emergency assembly signal to the soldiers patrolling the streets.

The medicine seems to have arrived for them.

“Let’s head back,” Dok pipes up, apparently emerging from his gloom,

“Let’s be good boys and take the miraculous medicine that’s going to save our lives and protect the kingdom.”

The sorrow-filled thorns sprouting form his words pierce Kaim through the heart.

It is the following day when Dok tells Kaim of his plan to desert.

“I’m only telling this to you Kaim,” he says when they are patrolling the marketplace again.

“I know the punishment for desertion is harsh. I’m not sure I can make it all the way, and if I’m caught, I know I’ll be court-martialed and executed.”

He has resigned himself to that possibility, he says, which is why he wants to make sure that Kaim knows the purpose of his desertion.

“I’m not betraying the country or the army. I just have to deliver . . . this.”

In his open palm lies the tablet that he was issued the day before.

“You didn’t take it?” Kaim asks, shocked.

“No, I fooled them,” he chuckles, immediately turning serious again and closing his open hand.

“You’re going to deliver this tablet?”

“Uh-huh.”

Dok holds out his hand now, pointing toward the mountains south of the capital.

“At the foot of those mountains is the village where I was born. My wife and son are there. He’s just five years old and he’s been sickly since the day he was born. If he gets the disease. It’s all over for him.”

“So you’re going to give him the medicine?”

“Do you think it’s wrong of me to do that?”

Transfixed by Dok’s stare, Kaim is at a loss for words.

Suddenly the gentle Dok’s eyes betray a murderous gleam.

“I may be a soldier dedicated to protecting the nation, but before that I am the father of a son, and before that I am a human being.

I don’t give a damn about the kingdom’s ranking of lives according to whether or not they are ‘indispensable.’

I want to save the life of one human being who is indispensable to me.”

Dok’s eyes take on added strength. They are bloodshot now, dear proof of his resolve.

“If I leave now, I can be back in the barracks by roll call tomorrow morning. I’ll come home as soon as I give him the medicine, so I’m asking you to do me this one favor: don’t cause any commotion until then.”

“No, of course not, but . . .”

“I’m not sure I can make it, but I am sure my boy will die if I just stay here. He’ll pull through if he has the medicine. If there’s even the slightest possibility of that. I have no choice: I have to take a chance.”

“They’ll kill you if they catch you.”

“I don’t care. I can die with pride, knowing I did it to save the life of the one person most important to me.”

“What if you get sick?”

“All I can do is leave it up to fate.”

Dok smiles.

Human beings can’t do anything about fate, but I want to do everything I can as a human being.”

This is why Dok has revealed his plans to Kaim.

“One more thing, Kaim. If they kill me or if I get sick and die. I hope I can depend on you to visit my village sometime and tell my wife and son what happened.

Make sure they know that I didn’t desert because I got fed up with the army. I did it to save my son’s life, which is something that is more more important to me than army rules and even more important than my own life.”

He will be satisfied as long as that message gets through, he says with a smile. Kaim has no way to reply to this.

Not that Kaim fully accepts everything Dok has said to him. He is convinced not so much by the man’s reasoning as he is overwhelmed by something that transcends reasoning: by the power of life, by the strength and depth of Dok’s desire to save a life precisely because it is something that will eventually be cut off by death.

“I’m going to make a run for it for it while we’re patrolling the marketplace. I’m asking you to look the other way. Tell them I dissappeared when you took your eyes off me for a split second.”

Kaim can do nothing but accept Dok’s plea in silence.

He sees that deep in the hearts of those who love, finite life is a place that cannot be entered by those who have been burdened irrevocably with life everlasting.

The two men reach the far end of the marketplace.

“All right then, sorry to put you through this . . .” Dok says.

He turns toward the exit and is about to plunge into the crowd when it happens.

A child comes bounding out the alleyway.

It is the same shabbily dressed girl from the slums who ran past the men yesterday, laughing. Today she is alone and crying her head off.

She looks around with wild eyes, and when she spots Kiam and Dok in uniform, she comes running to them, shouting. “Help! Help!”

“What’s the matter?” Doks asks.

She takes his hand and leads him into the alleyway as if to prevent the surronding people from hearing what she is about to tell him.

“It’s my brother!” she blurts out. “He’s sick ! He’s got a high fever and he’s shaking all over! We’ve got to do something or he’s going to die!”

Kaim and Dok look at each other.

“How about your parents? Don’t you have a father or mother to take care of him?” Kaim asks.

“What parents?” the girl retorts tearfully.

“They both died a long time ago. There’s just me and my big brother. Oh please help him, please!”

“But I was just . . .” Dok mutters, fidgeting, ready to run. He looks at Kaim with pleading eyes.

Kaim kneels and down and looks the girl straight in the eye. “When did his fever start?” he asks.

“Just a few minutes ago,” she says.

“We were leaving to pick up vegetable scraps, and he fell down . . .”

Only a little time has passed since the disease struck. He could be saved by the medicine.

But of course there is no medicine for slum children.

Judging from the girl’s wasted frame, her brother must also be eating poorly. The disease will almost surely ravage his malnourished body and snatch his life in a matter of hours.

The girl will not come down with the disease of course, but even if it cannot attack her directly, once she has lost the only other member of her family and has no one to take care of her, the tiny thing is bound to trace the same fatal path as her parents and brother sooner or later.

“Please help my brother . . . please!”

She clings to Kiam and Dok, huge tears streaming down her cheeks.

Kaim gives her a slight, silent nod. He rises slowly and reaches for a small leather pouch dangling from his sword hilt.

Before he can lay hold of it, he hears saying to the little girl.

“Don’t worry.”

Dok is holding out his hand to her, smiling gently.

In the palm of his hand is a tablet.

“Give this to your brother.” Dok says. “There’s still time to save to save him.”

The girl gives him a puzzled look and hesitates until he urges her.

“Hurry. Do it now!’

She reaches for it uncertainly and takes it in hand with great care.

“Hurry home, now!”

Dok says witha smile for her. the girl dashes off.

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”

Her shrill, tearful voice rings out as she dissappears into the alleyway.

“I’m glad it worked out like this, Kaim.”

Dok says with a shrug and a pained smile. “So now I won’t be branded a deserter, and I won’t have to give you anything to worry about. No, this is a good thing.”

He sounds as if he is trying to convince himself. He even nods deeply in agreement.

Surely he cannot have done this without regrets, especially if his son at home should take sick and die.

His voice is calm, however, as he says. “I couldn’t help it. When I saw that little girl crying like that . . . I know my son would understand.” He gives himself another deep nod.

“Still, Dok . . .”

“Never mind. Don’t say a thing.” Dok cuts him off and squints towards the alleyway the girl ran down.

“There’s absolutely no rank order to lives. The only thing that matters is to save a life you see with your own two eyes.”

“I know what you mean.” says Kiam

“Just because I saved one slum kid’s life, there’s no guarantee he’ll grow up to be a credit to the nation.

Maybe all I succeeded in doing was prolonging the life of yet another drag on the state. Maybe after I get back to the barracks. I’ll start thinking of other people I should have save instead of him.”

“On the other hand, Kaim.” he says, interrupting himself and turning to look at Kaim as he considers yet another posssibility:

“On the other hand, I look at it this way, too. Maybe it is just a matter of innate human instinct to want to save the life before your eyes.

Maybe we learn those other kinds of ranking later: ‘for the nation,’ or ‘for the people, ‘ or even ‘for my son.’

I may have failed as a soldier or as a father. but I think I did the right thing as a human being.”

Dok stops himself there and starts walking without waiting for Kaim to reply. He might be trying to hide his embarrassment at his own tortured reasoning.

Seeing this, Kiam produces a laugh and calls out to to Dok as casually as if he were suggesting they go to the tavern for drinks.

“Hey Dok!”

“Uh-huh?”

“You forgot this!”

Now Kaim finishes what he interrupted before, reaching for the leather pouch tied to his sword hilt.

From it he takes a small pill.

“What? You mean . . .?”

“I didn’t take it either.”

Incapable of losing his life to a disease. Kaim has no use for the medicine to begin with.

Of course he has no intention of telling Dok about that. Even if he were to try telling him he had lived a thousand years, it is not likely that Dok would take him seriously.

“You have a family, Dok. Lives you’d give anything to protect.

That is a great thing.”

Now Kaim holds out a hand with a tablet in it the way Dok did earlier to the girl.

“I envy you,” he says with a smile.

“Wait, Kaim, wait . . . Hey, I mean you . . .”

“I don’t have a family,” he says, increasing the depth of his smile.

Responding to Kaim’s smile, with it’s mixture of sympathy and warmth. Dok silently accepts the tablet.

“Well now, would you look at that beautiful blue sky!” says Kaim.

“I think I’ll just stand here a while, looking up at it, not thinking about anything at all. This might be a good time for you to run home to your son.”

Kaim does as he says, looking up at the sky.

Before long, he hears the sound of footsteps running across stone pavement.

“Make sure you come back alive Dok,” Kiam mutters.

Kaim strolls along, looking up at the blue sky, until he dissappears into the marketplace crowd.

End

Thousand Years of Dreams Day 22: Bright Rain


For Day 22 we get to experience another remembered dream-memory from Kaim, but this time around the innocent sounding title of “Bright Rain” gives way to something much darker.

Like most of Kaim’s dream-memories, this one uses the theme of war to give some insight to the eternal warrior’s personality. It’s through Kaim’s reminiscing that we get to know how he views how certain groups, states and nations find the excuse to wage war on their neighbors. Whether it’s to continue feeding one’s greed or to gain more power, the reasons always ends up with one powerful nation warring against it’s weaker and poorer neighbors.

We see this illustrated in a most tragic way through the innocence of a young boy who believes the bright rain to be something extraordinary and magical. The brutal truth of the matter is that it’s neither of those things, but instead the ever-widening circle of war dragging in more and more parties until the reason for why the war began has been lost to the devastation and death all-around.

There’s a saying that the first casualty of war is the truth. But going by this tale of “Bright Rain” I believe the first casualty of war is innocence.

Bright Rain

“The bright rain is going to start soon.” The boy says, pointing out to sea.

“The bright rain?” Kaim asks him.

“Uh-huh. It happens every night, way out there.” he says with a carefree smile.

“It’s so pretty!”

“Bright rain, huh?”

“Yeah. I want you to watch it with me tonight. It’s really pretty.”

The boy has never once left the island in the ten years since his birth.

The island is small and poor, and the only ways to make a living there are fishing from dugout boats and gathering forest fruits. One monotonous day follows another, the islanders waking at dawn and sleeping beneath the star-filled sky. The boy does not yet realize that this is the greatest happiness of all.

The boy begins speaking to Kaim, who turns to look in his direction.

Hunkered down on the beach in the moonlight, the boy in profile glows like a chocolate sculpture.

“Over there, where the bright rain falls, is a great, big island, right? I know all about it. That island is way bigger than this one and way more stuff goes on there and it’s just full of shiny things and pretty things and food that’s way better than I can even imagine, right? Don’t worry, I know all about it”

Kaim says nothing but gives the boy pained smile.

Beyond the horizon lies a big island, indeed – a vast continent. Kaim was there until four days ago. Then, rocked in the hold of a freighter for three days and nights, he crossed the sea to this island.

“I know about it, but I’ve never seen it.” the boy says, his voice dropping.

He hangs his head, diverting the moonlight from his face. His chocolate skin melts into the darkness.

“Would you like to go there?” Kaim asks.

“Sure I would.” the boy replies without hesitation. “All the kids here want to.”

“Everybody leaves the island, I suppose.”

“Sure they do! Boys and girls both. As soon as they’re old enough to work, they go to the ‘other country.’ Me, too, in another five years… I’ll be ready in three years. Then I’ll take the boat that you came here on and go to the other country and work hard and eat tons of yummy things.”

The boy raises his face again.

Locked on the ocean, his eyes are shining.

They are eyes full of hopes and dreams.

But they know nothing of the ‘other country’. He can never know a thing about it as long as he stays here.

Not one of the young people who crossed the sea, their eyes shining like the boy’s with hopes and dreams, ever came back.

“Of course not.” the boy would say. “The other country is so much more fun, there’s no point in coming back!”

The boy believes in the happiness awaiting him in the other country. about which he knows nothing.

Only when they leave the island do the brown-skinned people here learn that their skin is a different color from that of the people in the other country.

That the language of the island is of no use in the other country.

That the people of the other country look on the islanders with cold eyes.

That the only way for them to meet people with the same brown skin, the same language, and the same birthplace is to head for the island people’s ghetto in town.

The first words the boy was certain to learn in the other country’s language would be the ones the people of the other country used for people like him; illegal alien.

By the time he learned it, he would be tumbling down the hill in the ghetto.

The boy gallops away from the beach and returns a few minutes later with an overflowing armload of fruit. He says they grow where the wind from the ocean meets the wind from the mountains.

“They’re at their best on nights when the moon is full. Go ahead – have a taste.”

He wipes a piece of fruit against his worn-out shirt and hands it to Kaim.

“What do you call this?” Kaim asks.

“You’re going to laugh, they pinned such a fancy name on it: ‘Grain of Happiness’.”

“That’s a nice name.”

Kaim bites into a Grain of Happiness. It is shaped like an apple from the other country. But it is some two sizes smaller and just that much more packed with juicy sweetness.

“This is great.” Kaim says.

“You really like it? I’m glad.” the boy says with smile, but he is soon hanging his head again and sighing.

“I like them a lot too.” the boy says, “but I bet the other country has all kinds of stuff that’s way better than this, right?”

Kaim does not answer him but takes another bite of a Grain of Happiness.

The boy is right: there are lots of foods in the other country far more delicious than these Grains of Happiness.

Or, more precisely, there were.

Now, however, the other country has been transformed into a battlefield.

The war started six months ago.

That was when the boy began seeing the ‘bright rain’ every night.

The prosperity of the “other country” is extreme. The most glittering happiness is available there to anyone with enough money, and money is available there without restriction to anyone with enough power.

Might makes right.

Wealth makes goodness.

Those who are neither mighty nor wealthy obtain right and goodness by finding others who are both weaker and poorer than themselves and ridiculing, despising and persecuting them.

The island people, whose language and skin color are different from those in the other country, are seen as the other country’s shadow.

This is not a shadow, however, that forms because there is light.

The very existence of the shadow is what makes the light all the brighter.

This is the only way that inhabitants of the other country know how to think about things.

Eventually, however, strength reaches a saturation point, wealth that has run its course begins to stagnate, and expansion is the only course left open.

Desires can only be fulfilled through a continual bloating.

In order for the other country to remain strong and for the wealthy to stay wealthy, the leaders of the other country made war on a neighboring country.

“Any minute now.” the boy says, looking out to sea again with a carefree laugh.

“The bright rain is going to fall, way out over the sea.”

The war was supposed to have ended quickly. Everyone in the other country believed that with overwhelming wealth and strength, it would be easy for them to bring the neighboring country to its knees.

To be sure, at first war went according to plan. The occupied areas grew each day, and the entire populace of the other country became drunk with victory.

One after another, however, the surrounding countries took the side of the neighboring country. Which was only natural. For if the neighboring country fell, they themselves might be the other country’s next target.

The other country’s entire diplomatic strategy failed. Which was only natural. For no country on earth will make friends with a country that only knows how to flaunt its wealth and power.

An allied force was organized around the neighboring country. Together, the surrounding countries sought to encircle and seal off the other country.

From that point on, the war entered stalemate. Limited battle zones saw troops advancing and retreating again and again, in the course of which the other country’s wealth and power was consumed little by little. Disgust for war began to spread among the populace, and to obliterate that mood, the military circulated false propaganda:

The military situation is developeng in our favor.

Our army has again crushed the enemy’s troops.

The truth was that the occupied territories were being recaptured one after another, and the allied forces now were crossing the border to strike inside the other country’s territory.

I’n response to foolhardy attack by the enemy, our resolute fighting men launched a counterattack, annihilating their forces.

The day for our victory song is upon us.

Stopping war was out of the question. Admitting defeat was out of the question. The people had believed that wealth and power would enable them to rule everything, but now they knew the terror of having lost both.

The allied forces were joined by a powerful supporter. A mighty empire that wielded authority over the northern part of the continent joined the battle as if to say, “Let us finish job for you,” crushing the other country once and for all.

But the powerful empire was not satisfied just to destroy one upstart nation. It turned its overwhelming military might upon the allied forces. As it had so many times in its history, it seized the opportunity of its clash with the surrounding countries in order to further expand its own power.

Having lost its leaders and turned into a wasteland as far as the eye could see, the other country now became the new battlefield.

Outnumbered, the allied army hired mercenaries from other continents.

Kaim was one of those.

For many days he participated in losing battles in which there was no way to tell which side was fighting for the right.

After seeing his mercenary unit wiped out, Kaim headed for the harbor.

The boy’s island has maintained a position of neutrality in the war. It is simply too small to do otherwise. It lacks the war-making capacity to participate in battle, and it possesses no wealth to attract the attention of the countries engaged in the fighting.

But Kaim knows what will happen.

When the battle lines expand, this island will become valuable as a military foothold. One side or the other will occupy the island and it will do one of two things; it will construct a base, or it will reduce the entire island to ashes, thus preventing the enemy from using it as a military foothold. Nor is this a matter of the distant future. At the latest, it will happen a few weeks from now, and perhaps as soon as two or three days…

Kaim has come to island to convey this message.

To tell the people that as many of them as possible should board tomorrow morning’s regular ferry to the nearby island.

He wants them to start by sending away the children.

He wants never again to witness the spectacle of young lives being crushed like bugs.

“Oh, look! There it goes” the boy cries out happily, pointing toward the horizon.

“The bright rain!”

Far out to sea, a white glow suffuses the night sky. The powerful empire has begun its night bombing.

The boy has no idea what the bright rain really is. He can watch with sparkling eyes and murmur, “It’s so pretty, so pretty…”

To be sure, viewed from afar, the bright rain is genuinely beautiful, like a million shooting stars crossing the sky all at once.

But only when viewed from afar.

A dull thud resounds from the sky.

Another dull thud, and another and another.

“Thunder? Oh, no, if it rains we can’t go out fishing tomorrow.” the boy says with a smile and a shrug.

He’s such a friendly little fellow, thinks Kaim.

The boy had seen him on the shore and spoken to him without hesitation.

“Are you a traveller?” he had asked, and went on speaking to him like an old friend.

Kaim wants children like this to be the first aboard tomorrow’s ferry.

“I’m going home now.” says the boy. “What are you going to do?”

“Oh, I guess I’ll take a nap under a tree.”

“You can sleep in our barn. Why don’t you spend the night there?”

“Thanks,” Kaim says. “But I want to watch the ocean a little longer. Tomorrow, I thought, I’d like you to show me around.”

“I get it. You want to see the head of the village. I know a shortcut through the woods – right over there.” Kaim is hoping to convince the village head to evacuate the island. If they act right away, they can make it. They can save a lot of the islanders.

But…

As the boy stands, sweeping the sand from the seat of his pants, he looks questioningly at the sky.

“Funny.” he says, “It sounds kind of different from thunder.”

The dull thuds keep coming without a break.

Little by little, they draw closer.

Kaim jerks his head up and yells at the boy, “The woods! Run to the woods!”

“Wha…?”

“Hurry!”

His voice is drowned out by the deafening roar of the machine guns.

The bright rain has started.

The island has been made a target far sooner than Kaim had imagined.

“Hurry!” Kaim yells, grabbing the boy’s hand.

The woods are the boy’s only hope.

“Hey, wait a minute!” the boy shouts, shaking free of Kaim’s grip and looking up at the sky.

“It’s the bright rain! It’s falling here now, too! Wow! Oh, wow!”

All but dancing for joy, the boy gallops down the beach – until he is bathed from head to toe in the bright rain.

A single night of bombing is all it takes to reduce the island to ashes.

Never realizing the value of the happiness they possessed, never even knowing that such happiness has been snatched away from them in one night’s passing, the people who filled the island with their lives until evening are gone in the morning, all dead except one: the immortal Kaim.

On the beach at dawn, the only sound is that of the waves.

Again today, no doubt, urban warfare will decimate the city streets, and tonight the bright rain will pour down on the town again.

The boy who called the rain beautiful will never again open his eyes wide with wonder.

Kaim lays the boy’s corpse in a small dugout canoe that survived the flames.

He places a ripe “Grain of Happiness” on the boy’s chest and folds his arm over it, hoping that it will sate his thirst on the long road to heaven.

He sets the dugout in the water and nudges it toward the open sea.

Caught by the receding tide, rocketed by the waves, the boat glides far out from the shore.

Such a friendly little fellow, the boy smiles even in death. Perhaps it is the one gift the gods were able to bestow on him.

The boy is setting out on a journey.

May it never take him to that other country, Kaim begs.

Or any other country, for that matter.

Kaim knows; there is no place forever free of that bright rain.

Because he knows this, he sheds tears for the boy.

The rain falls in his heart: cold, sad, silent rain.

Emptied of bombs, the sky is maddeningly blue, wide and beautiful.

End