On Friday night, I watched the first Lifetime film of 2018, Blood, Sweat, and Lies!

Why Was I Watching It?

I just told you.  It was the first Lifetime film of 2018.  There was no way I couldn’t watch it.

Of course, there was a slight conflict in that Blood, Sweat, and Lies premiered at the exact same time as the U.S. Figure Skating Championship.  So, while Blood, Sweat, and Lies was originally airing, I was busy yelling at the judges for the way they treated Ashley Wagner.  (Whatever controversy she may find herself in, I will always be on the side of Ashley Wagner.)  However, as soon as the I finished yelling, I switched over to the DVR and I watched Blood, Sweat, and Lies.

What Was It About?

Once upon a time, Mel (Hannah Barefoot) was a college track star.  In fact, she was such a committed athlete that she decided to major in something easy so she would have more time to run track.  Apparently, in the weird, alternative universe that this film takes place in, art history is an easy major.  However, Mel quickly fell in love with art and, when she graduated from college, she gave up athletics to become a curator.  (“That’s all you can do with an art history degree,” she said with a laugh while I, the proud recipient of a degree in art history, tried to resist the temptation to throw a show at the TV.)

So now, Mel is a successful curator but she misses being an athlete.  When she breaks up with her boyfriend, she decides to start a new chapter in her life.  She joins the local gym.  She gets a personal trainer named Trey (Adam Huber).  Since this is a Lifetime movie, it takes Trey about 60 minutes to go from being a supportive nice guy to a full-on psycho stalker.  When Mel starts dating a muscular art collector named Adam (Matt Cedeño), Trey is not happy…

What Worked?

I think the biggest mistake that anyone could make with Blood, Sweat, and Lie would be to take any of it too seriously.  If you take the movie seriously, then you’ll probably complain that it was predictable, the plot was full of holes, and Mel should have known better than to have trusted Trey in the first place.

However, if you’re like me, you’ll assume that this film was meant to be at least a little bit satirical and you’ll find a lot to be amused by.  For instance, consider the opening scene in which Mel is seen holding a knife and smearing what appears to be blood on her face.  At first, we assume that she’s just a typical Lifetime movie psycho but it’s soon revealed that she’s actually just trying to make a cake.

Or how about the scene where Trey and Adam meet at the gym and proceed to exchange passive aggressive insults.  That was like Overage Dudebros Gone Wild.

Or there’s Mel’s best friend, Leslie (Briana Lane), who is not only a brilliant hacker but who also apparently shares every single thought that pops into her head.  Often times, I got the feeling that Leslie understood that she was just a character in a movie and she was actually pretty okay with that.

And, of course, there’s the scene where, while Mel and Adam make love, Trey sits in his office and monitors Mel’s heart rate.  It was strange, wrong, weird, and hilarious all at the same time.  And really, that’s pretty much a perfect description of the entire film.  It was just so melodramatic and full of over the top emoting that it was hard not to find something about it to enjoy.

(Plus, while I was watching the movie, I came up with a drinking game where you take a drink every time Adam or Trey calls someone “bro.”)

What Did Not Work?

Art history is not an easy major!  (Admittedly, it was easy for me but I understand that there were others who definitely found it a little bit difficult.)

And you can do a lot of stuff with an art history degree … well, maybe not a lot of stuff but definitely some stuff…  Actually, I guess the film kind of has a point as far as that’s concerned.  But still…!

“OMG!  JUST LIKE ME!” Moments

Despite the fact that Mel and I were both art history majors, I actually found myself relating more to Leslie.  This was largely because both Leslie and I tend to say, “O. M. G” in politic conversation.

Lessons Learned

Art history majors never get the respect they deserve.