Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

Yay!  It’s finally time to return to the Island.

Episode 5.7 “The Perfect Husband/Volcano”

(Dir by Philip Leacock, originally aired on November 21st, 1981)

This week, it’s Tattoo’s turn to serve as Roarke’s sidekick while Julie is sent off to deal with two weddings and a tour for “the seniors.”

On the one hand, it’s incredibly awkward for Roarke to have two sidekicks and it’s pretty obvious that Julie was only hired to serve as insurance in case Herve Villechaize walked off the set.

On the other hand, it is kind of nice to be reminded of the fact that there’s a lot happening on Fantasy Island.  Fantasy Island is not just a mystical nation that is ruled over by the enigmatic Mr. Roarke.  It’s also a resort that hosts vacations and retirement homes.  Apparently, you don’t have to have a fantasy in order to spend some time on Fantasy Island.  Instead, you can just come to Fantasy Island for a nice tropical vacation.  That’s kind of nice.

But, that said, the fantasies are why we’re here.  We’ve got two good ones this week.

Dorothy Nicholson (Susan Sullivan) is a newspaper publisher who has been feeling unfulfilled ever since her husband was killed by a drunk driver.  She want to find the perfect husband, a man without any flaws whatsoever.  After giving her his customary “You may not like what you find,” warning, Roarke sends her to Paradise Cove.  Operated by the sinister Anton Jagger (Rossano Brazzi), Paradise Cover is a resort where wealthy women are assigned the perfect companion.  Dorothy’s perfect man is Gilbert (Lyle Waggoner).  Gilbert is handsome, suave, charming, and attentive.  Unfortunately, like all of the perfect men at Paradise Cove, he’s also a robot and a part of Jagger’s scheme to cheat women out of their money!  Dorothy figures out the truth after Gilbert doesn’t even flinch after his hand catches on fire.  Can she defeat Jagger’s plans and rescue the real Gilbert?

(Of course, she can.  It’s Fantasy Island!)

Dr. Hal Workman (George Maharis) thinks that he’s figured out a way to detect when a volcano is going to erupt.  He wants to go to Fantasy Island’s own active volcano to test out his methods.  Roarke agrees, even though he worries that Dr. Workman only cares about science and not about people.  (Honestly, who cares?  A volcano detection system sounds like it would be a good thing, regardless of the motives of the man who created it.)  Workman is led to the volcano by a disillusioned former priest named Lauria (Richard Romanus).  However, Workman and Lauria are not the only people at the volcano.  There’s also a shady tycoon, Joseph Butler (Norman Alden), and his girlfriend, Terri (Misty Rowe).  You can probably guess what happens.  Workman falls in love with Terri.  Lauria finds his faith.  And Butler presumably dies when the volcano erupts and a deluge of what appears to be very thin tomato sauce comes pouring down the mountain.

Both of these fantasies were cheerfully ridiculous, which made them a lot of fun.  You may wonder why Roarke would send one of his guests to a resort that’s being run by a madman and that’s a legitimate question.  But the important thing is that the viewer gets a montage of all of the robots malfunctioning at once.  And you may wonder at the wisdom of allowing someone to go to an active volcano but the important thing is that we get a scene of George Maharis and Richard Romanus running away from the least realistic lava flow ever caught on film.  Fantasy Island is a lot of fun when it goes over the top and embraces its beautiful absurdity and that’s exactly what this episode did.

What a wonderful trip to the Island!