Just from watching the trailer above, you probably think that the 1978 film Coach is just your standard high school sports film.  And, in many ways, it is.  But, since it was made in the 70s, things still get a little bit weird.  Before proceeding, I should probably point out that Coach (like the similar The Teacher) was produced by Crown International Pictures.  But you probably already guessed that.

An exclusive California high school has a problem.  The boy’s basketball team is having a terrible season.  The most powerful man in town, F.R. Granger (Keenan Wynn), demands a change!  (You can tell that Granger is powerful because he goes by his initials.)  After ordering the hapless basketball coach to resign, Granger and the school board hire Randy Rawlings to replace him.  Oddly enough, they don’t actually interview Randy for the job or attempt to meet Randy ahead of time.  They just know that Randy is a former Olympian and are overjoyed when Randy accepts the job.

On Randy’s first day on the job, everyone is shocked to discover that Randy Rawlings is — GASP — a woman!  Now, I’ll admit that this film is a little bit before my time and the world was probably a lot different back in the 70s but, as an Olympic medalist, wouldn’t Randy be a bit of a celebrity?  And would anyone as obsessed with winning as F.R. Granger actually hire a coach sight unseen?  Anyway, F.R. is none too happy to discover that Randy (Cathy Lee Crosby) is a woman and tries to fire her on the spot.  Sorry, F.R. — can’t be done.  As Randy points out, F.R. needs cause to fire her.

After forcing them to all take a cold shower and then coaching them to a few victories, Randy wins over the team.  She also starts sleeping with one of her players (played by a very young and handsome Michael Biehn) and this is where the movie gets weird.  I kept expecting this affair to be discovered and used by F.R. as an excuse to fire Randy.  Because, after all, why would any film feature a rather creepy subplot about a teacher sleeping with a student unless it was somehow going to pay off in the end?  But instead, the affair just sort of happens and never really ties back into the main plot of whether or not Randy will be able to coach the team to having a winning season.

Now, I know you’re probably thinking to yourself, “What would the great Russian writer Anton Chekhov think about this?”  Well, here’s an exact quote from Mr. Chekhov:

“Remove everything that has no relevance to the story. If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off. If it’s not going to be fired, it shouldn’t be hanging there.”

In other words, Coach was definitely not written by Anton Chekhov.

Anton Chekhov ponders the narrative failings of Coach