Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and Peacock!

This week’s episode makes even less sense than usual.

Episode 3.12 “Howard Hemingway”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on November 22nd, 1987)

Weird episode.

Howard Bannister notices how many of the store’s customers are also buying trashy romance paperbacks.  He also notices how much Marlene and Edna enjoy reading them.  Howard decides that he should write a book of his own and become a millionaire!

(Heh heh …. go tell any working writer about the idea of becoming a millionaire off of one book and see how they react.)

Howard struggles.  He sits in his office and tries to write a book about a safari.  Because this episode aired in the 80s, he uses a typewriter.  Because I’ve worked as an administrative assistant, I immediately noticed that Howard was a terrible typist.  Soon, the floor of his office is covered in crumpled papers.  He just can’t find the right hook for his story.  Edna points out that he’s never been on safari.  All Howard knows about is running a grocery store.

And so Passion Aisle is born!

Howard writes a book based on Cobb’s and the people that he works with.  Since he only appears to work with five other people, I’m a little bit surprised that the book appeared to be as long as it was.  Somehow, Howard is able to talk a publisher into publishing his book.  Howard doesn’t even have an agent so I’m curious how he pulled that off but anyway….

No one wants to buy the book!  Howard finally ends up giving copies away at the store.  Some of the customers read it and immediately figure out that the trampy cashier “Arlene” is based on Marlene.  The employees at Cobb’s decide that, since the book is based on them, they deserve some of the money that Howard is making off of it.  Howard agrees even though there’s absolutely no reason for Howard to have done so.  Howard wrote the thing.  The employees really didn’t do anything.  Still, they get a 50/50 split….

Seriously, I don’t want to overanalyze this but it really bothers me that Howard finally managed to accomplish something on his own and his employees, rather than accepting that, immediately demanded that they be rewarded for his hard work.  Just because you inspired someone to write a book or paint of picture or do anything else doesn’t mean that your entitled to financial compensation.  Not even Canada has gone that communist yet.  Howard should have stood his ground.

But, he didn’t.  Everyone got a little bit of money and I assume that Howard is never going to write another book.  That’s kind of sad.  Howard’s been looking for an escape from Cobb’s since the show began.  He finally got one and was immediately punished for his initiative.  Poor Howard!