Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 4.1 “Two Too Much” and 4.2 “My Valentine”

Posted on February 18, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Welcome to season 4!

Episode 4.1 “Two Too Much”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 9th, 1995)

I have to admit that I’ve now reached the point where I automatically smile as soon as I hear the opening of the California Dreams theme song. Over the past few months, I’ve come to appreciate California Dreams with its (mostly) good cast, its occasionally clever writing, and even its inoffensive music. Of course, compared to City Guys and One World, anything is going to look good but California Dreams is a surprisingly entertaining show. It has its own enjoyably odd but mellow vibe.

The fourth season gets off to a good start with a ballet class! Yay! Of course, Sam and Lorena are in the class. But so are Mark and Sly, largely because they both think it’ll be a good place to pick up girls. And so is Tony, due to Sam ordering him to take the class. Jake, however, thinks that ballet is stupid and doesn’t understand why Lorena doesn’t want to spend all of her time watching him ride his motorcycle …. uh-oh, I think I see where this is going and I’m not happy about it because I’m one of the few people who thinks that Jake and Lorena were a good couple.

After his fight with Lorena, Jake finds Tiffani at Sharky’s and asks her for advice. However, Tiffani is on a date with Keith Dell, “the teen radio shrink.” Keith, who is a hilariously mellow and understanding character, tells Jake that a successful relationship is all about compromise. Keith then suggests that Jake and Tiffani are still in love. “Wooooo!” the audience replies.

Determined to try to make it work with Lorena, Jake tries to share her interests. He takes her shopping for shoes. Then he shows up for ballet class, having exchanged his leather jacket for a pair of tights and ready to dance. After Lorena accuses Jake of embarrassing her, Jake has a black-and-white fantasy about being married to Lorena. Of course, it’s called I Love Lorena. Jake becomes Desi Arnaz. Lorena becomes Lucille Ball. Fred and Ethel are embodied by Sam and Tony. Even in the fantasy, though, Jake keeps accidentally saying that he loves Tiffani. It’s actually pretty funny, largely because of the chemistry of the cast.

I’m sure everyone reading this can guess what’s going to happen. Jake and Lorena amicably break up. Jake and Tiffani get back together. Tony becomes dance-crazed and puts together a wonderfully pretentious performance at Sharky’s. As always, everything happens at Sharky’s.

Despite the fact that my favorite couple broke up, this was a good start for the fourth season. The cast’s chemistry was as strong as ever, Jake and Lorena’s breakup was handled intelligently, and William James Jones had some funny moments as he went mad for ballet. And who knows? I liked Jake and Lorena but Jake and Tiffani have chemistry as well. Maybe this breakup was all for the best….

Episode 4.2 “My Valentine”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 16th, 1995)

It’s Valentine’s Day! Looking to make his first Valentine’s Day with Samantha a special one, Tony writes a love song and has Jake sing it. After Jake finishes the song, Sly says that it was the perfect gift. Tiffani agrees that it was very romantic. “No,” Sly says, “it was free.”

Oh, Sly …. never change!

Tony, however, is worried that Sam will be returning to Hong Kong as soon as they graduate from high school. Tony’s solution is to ask her to marry him. Sam says, “Yes!” The audience goes crazy but the Dreams have their doubts. Lorena and Jake think Tony and Sam are too young to get married. Sly agrees but his main concern is whether or not Tony and Sam will hire the Dreams to play at their wedding reception. I’m not sure how that would work, considering that Tony and Sam are in the Dreams.

Tony and Sam haven’t been engaged for more than a day before they have their first fight. Sam discovers that Tony hasn’t told his parents that they are engaged. “If you can’t yell your parents,” she says, “your obviously too immature to get married!”

“I’m not immature,” Tony replies, “I just didn’t want them to ground me.”

Hey, it make me laugh. I laughed even harder when Sam revealed that she hadn’t told her parents either.

Anyway, Tony and Sam break up but, luckily, they get back together a few hours later at the big Valentine’s Day dance, agreeing to date and putting off marriage for now. I was glad about that. Tony and Sam are a cute couple and no one should break up on the most romantic day of the year! While Tony and Sam are getting back together, Jake and Tiffani are having an O. Henry moment as they realize that they’ve both sold their most prized possessions to get the other a present. It’s a sweet moment for them. Meanwhile, Lorena gets to wear a really cute red dress so everyone’s a winner this Valentine’s Day!

I own the same dress!

Next week: Tiffani is principal for a day! I’m sure this won’t lead to any drama at all….

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 2/5/23 — 2/11/23

Posted on February 11, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I had a cold for most of this week. Actually, I still do. Somehow, this did not lead to me watching more TV than usual.

Here’s some thoughts on what I did watch this week!

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

It’s Valentine’s Day and we all totally know that Janine and Gregory totally belong together. The show wasn’t particularly subtle about it as Maurice gave Janine an empty bag while Gregory’s girlfriend was downright rude about Gregory’s present! While this was going on, Ava was discovering the joy of learning and Jacob was teaching black history. All in all, it was a good episode. I always worry that Abbott Elementary is going to be overshadowed by the whole Office-style mockumentary format but the show has definitely established its own identity.

The Bachelor (Monday Night, ABC)

Good Lord, Zach is boring. I think that’s going to be my review of every episode this season.

The Brady Bunch Hour (YouTube)

I wrote about The Brady Bunch Hour here!

California Dreams (YouTube)

I wrote about California Dreams here!

Fantasy Island (Tubi)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Future Quest (Nightflight Plus)

Future Quest was a show that aired on PBS in 1994. Hosted by Jeff Goldblum, it took a look at the “future.” I watched the first episode on Saturday morning with Jeff and our friend Pat McCurry. It was full of people talking about what they expected the 21st Century would be like and amazingly, they weren’t that far off. Quite a few of them predicted that we would eventually end up watching movies on our phone, for instance. Only one person said that email’s popularity would fade and people would go back to hand-written letters. Sadly, an even larger group of people thought that the future would usher in an era of peace as we moved away from geographic conflicts, political unrest, and terrorism. With the benefit of hindsight, it was interesting to see what people got right and what people got wrong. And, of course, Jeff Goldblum was totally charming.

Hang Time (YouTube)

I wrote about Hang Time here!

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, FOX)

I was not at all surprised when Alex won this season, as he was clearly not only the best chef but the best leader as well. Still, it was very emotionally satisfying to see him walk through that door. Alex was one of the many business owners to have their lives upended by the COVID lockdowns. From the minute this latest season began, he just seemed destined to win. It just felt right,

The Love Boat (Paramount+)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Night Flight (NightFlight Plus)

I watched two episodes of this old entertainment digest on Friday night. Both of the episodes were from 1990. The first one was a profile of the band, The Art of Noise, which I liked quite a bit. The second was a look at some films that were coming out that weekend. None of the films looked particularly memorable.

South Park (Comedy Central)

South Park is back. Cupid Ye not only satirized Kanye West but it also showed why his rantings are so dangerous. At a time when so many people are still treating Kanye West like he’s just some sort of kooky eccentric as opposed to someone using his huge platform to spread destructive conspiracies, South Park has more guts than almost every other show on television combined.

Stolen Youth (Hulu)

I watched this creepy documentary on Saturday morning. A middle-aged man named Larry Ray stayed with his daughter at Sarah Lawrence College and started a sex cult! The documentary featured interviews with some of the students who fell under his malevolent sway. As opposed to the unlikable people in The Vow, the interviewees in Stolen Youth were all sympathetic victims who were preyed upon by someone who knew how to take advantage of their naivety.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 3.16 “The Treasure of PCH” and 3.17 “Tiffani’s Gold”

Posted on February 11, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Season 3 comes to an end!

Episode 3.16 “The Treasure of PCH”

(dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on December 31st, 1994)

The Dreams have turned into a reggae band!

At least, that’s the impression that one gets from the opening of The Treasure of PCH, which finds the Dreams performing on a pier at night as a part of the On The Pier Presents festival. The song’s beat has a reggae feel and it actually sounds pretty nice until the very white Mark starts to sing with what I think is meant to be a slight attempt at a Jamaican accent about how someday “you might need a friend when you least expect it.” Watching and, in some cases, re-watching these shows, I now realize that, musically, the Dreams actually had a pretty good sound but they were always tripped up by their simplistic lyrics. “Anytime you need me, I’ll be there….” I mean, if you want to sound like David Hasselhoff, that’s fine but it’s still a bit odd to watch the pier crowd act as if these lyrics couldn’t have been written by a computer program. In fact, maybe they were. Was AI around in 1994?

Anyway, the Dreams are totally excited because the Concert on the Pier promoter pays them a thousand dollars. “We’ve never gotten that much before!” Sam says but actually, I remember them getting paid that much during both the first and the second seasons. Lorena is worried that the Dreams are getting greedy, which is an easy thing to worry about when you’re already rich and have nice hair. Jake says that the money won’t change the Dreams. Lorena and Jake decide to test that idea by convincing the Dreams that there’s a fortune hidden at Sharky’s!

Fortunately, it only takes one forged letter to trick the Dreams. (As a group, the Dreams appear to have lost several IQ points when Matt Garrison moved away.) At first, everyone works together but soon, the Dreams are getting paranoid and vindictive. Lorena was right. Yay! Take that, Jake! However, Jake and Lorena don’t give their plan enough thought and the Dreams — as stupid as they’ve become — still eventually figure out that it doesn’t make any sense that an eccentric oldster would have hidden his fortune at Sharky’s. So, they turn the tables and convince Jake and Lorena that there’s a bunch of diamonds hidden at …. Sharky’s. Is there no other place to eat in California?

“DIAMONDS!” Jake yells, in a rare moment of the normally laid back Jay Anthony Franke overacting.

This was a dumb episode but it was also oddly likable. Sly running around and thinking to himself, “Gotta find the money …. gotta find the money….” made me laugh. For that matter, so did Tony literally picking up Tiffani when she tried to run off with one of the clues. The cast had enough chemistry that they were even able to pull off the show’s dumbest jokes. Of course, the best thing about this episode is that my favorite character, Lorena, was proven to be correct. Go Lorena!

Episode 3.17 “Tiffani’s Gold”

(dir by, originally aired on January 7th, 1995)

Every Peter Engel-produced sitcom had to have at least one episode where the least likely character got hooked on drugs, had a public meltdown, and then somehow got off drugs with a minimum amount of difficulty. The most famous of these episode was the infamous episode of Saved By The Bell, where Jessie got hooked on caffeine pills and sang, “I’m so excited!”

When it came time for California Dreams to deal with drug addiction, the end result was Tiffani’s Gold. In this episode, Tiffani is suddenly a star volleyball player who has a chance to make the national team and bring home a gold medal. Tiffani, who up until this point has been portrayed as a mellow hippie, is suddenly determined to win and the Dreams want her to win as well. Unfortunately, Tiffani is struggling to keep up with the other girls trying out for the team. So, she convinces Sly to help her get some …. dramatic music cue …. steroids!

You know what this means. Tiffani makes the team but she also starts to have mood swings and violent outbursts. Eventually, she makes a scene at Sharky’s and realizes that she has to stop taking drugs. What makes this standard anti-drug episode memorable is just how unconvincing Kelly Packard is as a drug addict. Don’t get me wrong. She tries really, really hard to capture Tiffani’s anger and moodiness. In fact, she tries too hard. Scenes like the one in which Tiffani throws Sly against a locker are meant to be shocking but they actually inspire more laughs than gasps because Kelly Packard doesn’t come across as if she’s ever lost her temper before. One gets the feeling that she was such a positive person that she didn’t even know how to fake anger.

As for the B-plot, Sly, Tony, and Mark compete to see who is the “bigger stud.” Despite not being in contest, Jake is declared the winner. Despite the fact that Jake and Lorena were supposed to be a couple, Jake is seen dating several other girls in this episode and Lorena doesn’t seem to care in the least. Considering that Sly is wearing the exact same outfit that he wore in the first episode of season 3, I’m going to guess Tiffani’s Gold was filmed and meant to air much earlier in the season but, for whatever reason, it was held back until the very end.

(Incidentally, Christy — who rejects both Tony and Sly before going off with Jake — was played by a young Fergie.)

This rather campy episode was the final one of season 3. Next week, we start season 4!

Lisa Marie’s Week in Television: 1/29/23 — 2/4/23

Posted on February 4, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I watched quite a bit. Let’s see what I can remember about it.

Accused (Tuesday Night, FOX)

This week’s episode was actually pretty good. It has an enjoyably macabre ending and was well-directed by Jonathan Mostow.

The Amazing Race 5 (Netflix)

The fifth season of The Amazing Race is on Netflix! I watched a few episodes this week. I’m glad that Colin and Christie were given a second chance to compete on the show because they really were the strongest competitors during the fifth season. After getting used to the mellow Colin who appeared the second time, it was interesting to be reminded just how intense and ultra-competitive he was the first time he appeared on the show. I know that Colin and Christie were meant to be the fifth season’s “villains” but, honestly, it’s impossible not to like them. I respect the fact that they consistently refused to yield or U-turn anyone.

American Auto (Tuesday Night, NBC)

Anna Gasteyer’s character went on the Seth Meyers show to try to soften her image and convince everyone that she really wasn’t the country’s most hated CEO. I understand that the whole point here was to reunite Gasteyer and Meyers, as I assume they were on Saturday Night Live at the same time. But I don’t know. Gasteyer had a few funny moments but Meyers has never really appealed to me a a talk show host. And really, if you were a CEO trying to improve your image by appearing on a talk show, would you go on the one that most people don’t watch? She should have held out for Fallon.

The Bachelor (Monday Night, ABC)

Boring!

The Brady Bunch Hour (YouTube)

I wrote about The Brady Bunch Hour here!

California Dreams (YouTube)

I wrote about California Dreams here!

City Guys (Tubi)

Uh-oh! It looks like Tubi has removed a few episodes of City Guys! Fortunately, I think I can find them all on YouTube. Anyway, click here to see what I wrote this week!

Football Game: Bengals vs Chiefs (Sunday Evening, CBS)

I watched this game with Jeff and Erin. I guess I’m glad the Chiefs won. The Bengals uniforms were a kind of silly looking.

Football Game: Eagles vs 49ers (Sunday Afternoon, FOX)

Was it on FOX? I honestly can’t remember. Anyway, I watched this game with Jeff and Erin and they were a lot more into it than I was. I decided that I would root for the 49ers because Philadelphia is the city of Parking Wars but I changed my mind once it became obvious that the 49ers weren’t going to win.

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, FOX)

I’m not sure if I agree with Chef Ramsey’s decision to keep Dafne over Sommer. Sommer may have been abrasive when she was put in charge of the Kitchen but she was still a lot less scatter-brained and more effective than Dafne was. That said, we all know that Alex is going to win this season.

Kids Behind Bars: Life or Parole? (Hulu)

This show originally aired on A&E. I watched an episode on Monday morning and I was immediately reminded of why I never particularly cared for this show. Not only does it exploit real-life tragedy but it’s also so biased and heavy-handed that it’s not really worth watching as a work of journalism.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

This week, the murderer was a prosperity preacher. Nolan Price used a bunch of shady legal tricks to convince a judge to force a minister to break his sacred oath. This show is always at its most cringey when it tries to deal with religion. As I watched this week, I noticed that the show is now playing up the whole “relationship” angle between Price and Maroun. They’re a cute couple but I kind of want to see Maroun handle a case without Price hovering over her shoulder.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Night Court (Tuesday Night, NBC)

I know I watched the episode because I jotted it down in my notes for the week but I can’t remember a thing about it. That’s kind of a recurring problem with Night Court. I’ve seen every episode so far and I still can’t really tell you anything about the show or its characters.

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

I watched an episode from the 80s. It was all about the use of animation in music videos.

Survivor: Philippines (Hulu)

There are several old seasons of Survivor on Hulu. I watched a bit of the Philippines season, which featured the unbelievably hot Malcolm and the unbelievably obnoxious Abi-Maria. Along with Penner, RC, Russell, and a few others, this season featured some of the least likable castaways ever but it also featured Malcolm so it all worked out.

TV Party (Nightflight Plus)

I watched an old episode of this 80s public access program on Friday night. Chris Stein, of the band Blondie, led a small band in playing medieval music. Then a bunch of drunk people called the studio and threatened to beat him up.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 3.14 “Boyz R Us” and 3.15 “Junior Achievement”

Posted on February 4, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Let’s see what was happening in California back in 1994.

Episode 3.14 “Boyz R Us”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on December 17th, 1994)

When Tony’s old friend Darren comes to visit, it’s revealed that Tony and his family are apparently form South Central. Over the course of nearly three seasons, this has never once been mentioned by Tony or anyone else on the show but, in this episode, everyone acts as if they’ve always known that Tony comes from the hood and that his family moved away to keep Tony from falling in with the wrong crowd. In fact, it’s treated as being such common knowledge that it actually seems a little bit offensive, as if everyone just assumed that Tony grew up in a crime-ridden neighborhood because of the color of his skin.

Darren comes bearing grim news. Their friend, JR, has fallen in with the gangs. When JR is ordered to rob a liquor store, he refuses to do it. The gang retaliates by beating him up and leaving JR with permanent brain damage. (We don’t actually see JR. Instead, Tony just spends the episode answering questions about how JR is doing.) Tony thinks that he and Darren should go to the police. Darren thinks a better solution would be to kill the guys who beat up JR. Tony returns to South Central and literally stands in front of two gang members to keep Darren from shooting them. The gang members say that they’re going to repay the favor by killing Tony and Darren. But then a bunch of older people show up in the alley and announced that they’re taking their neighborhood back. The gang members run off and apparently, that’s all it takes to deal with the gang problem.

I have no doubt that this episode was written, directed, and acted with the best of intentions but Peter Engel-produced sitcoms were always at their worst whenever they tried to deal with the issue of race. The need to neatly wrap everything up in 22 minutes did not exactly lend itself to examining serious issues. The whole episode felt a bit heavy-handed and I didn’t buy the episode’s conclusion for a second. The episode suggested that the best way to deal with gangs was to just stand up to them as you would to any other group of bullies. It worked in this episode but that’s because there was only two gang members and neither one of them was armed when they were confronted.

In the B-plot, the Dreams were broke so they got jobs delivering singing telegrams. Lorena got a job as well because, even though she was rich, she wanted to see what it was like to be poor. Lorena was so cool.

Episode 3.15 “Junior Achievement”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on December 24th, 1994)

For their Business class, the Dreams set up a corporation and attempt to make a profit. Jake and Mark try to succeed by giving music lessons. The rest of the group decides to exploit Sam’s cold remedy, which has apparently been in her family for centuries. At first, Sam is reluctant to sell out her heritage but then she’s told that she could become a millionaire so….

If this sounds familiar, that’s because this is the same basic plot as the Saved By The Bell episode where Zack and the gang try to sell Screech’s Spaghetti Sauce. For that matter, it also has a lot in common with the infamous “buddy band” episode. Just as Zack did for the spaghetti sauce, The Dreams even air a commercial for the cold remedy on public access TV. Tony directs the commercial. Sly plays a cold germ. Sam plays her grandmother. The commercial seems like it runs way too long but whatever. Jake and Mark make no money teaching music while the other Dreams initially make a fortune. But then, in order to save on production costs, Sam cuts a few corners and the medicine goes from curing colds to causing hiccups. Sam tells the teacher the truth about what happened and is praised for being ethical.

So, in other words, there’s no actual consequences for anything that Sam may have done wrong. That’s the advantage of being one of the main characters, I suppose.

This wasn’t a bad episode as much as it was just a totally silly one. The storyline was predictable but the cast certainly seemed to be having fun. This is one of those episodes that worked almost entirely due to chemistry between the actors. Though the episode focuses on Jennie Kwan, Michael Cade also gets his share of good lines. Any episode that features Sly being totally immoral and greedy is usually a good one.

Next week, Tiffani gets hooked on steroids!

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 3.12 “Harley and the Marlboro Man” and 3.13 “Rebel Without A Nerve”

Posted on January 28, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, it’s all about Jake trying to retain his cool.

Episode 3.12 “Harley and the Marlboro Man”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on December 3rd, 1994)

“You can’t hide your smoking behind tic tacs and old spice!”

Yes, it’s time for another TNBC anti-smoking episode. In California Dreams, Jake Summers starts to smoke after he see his super cool Uncle Frank lighting a cigarette. Soon, Jake is totally addicted. He can’t stop! It doesn’t matter how many times the members of the band make him look at a picture of a cancerous lung. It doesn’t matter that Lorena won’t kiss him. It doesn’t matter that no one wants to be a friend with a smoker. After smoking for one week, Jake Summers is hopelessly addicted. He’s got the nicotine monkey on his back! But then Frank shows up and says, “I’m dying Jake.”

Good Lord, this was heavy-handed. This is actually the second time that I’ve watched and written about this episode and my reaction to episode pretty much remains the same. I simply cannot believe that Jake Summers, an aspiring rocker who has spent his entire life hanging out with motorcyclists, never smoked a cigarette until he saw his Uncle Frank light up. The Dreams themselves acted as if smoking a cigarette was the most scandalous thing in the world. So, I guess no one smoked weed in 1990s California? No one did cocaine in 1990s California? None of the other bands at the Battle of the Bands ducked behind Sharkey’s to have a cigarette? Seriously, there’s a difference between not liking cigarettes and being unbelievably naïve. At one point, Tiffani says that nicotine is more addictive than crack cocaine. I’ve seen several David Simon-produced shows and I just don’t believe that.

Anyway, the Dreams deal with this problem in the same way that they deal with everything. They throw a benefit concert at Sharkey’s.

Episode 3.13 “Rebel Without A Nerve”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on December 10th, 1994)

Jake Summers is afraid he’s losing his cool!

Not only is there a new kid at school who is talking about Jake behind his back but Jake has twice crashed his motorcycle! With his confidence shaken, Jake decides that it would be safer to accept Principal Blumford’s offer to join the school safety patrol! Just as he was in Budget Cuts, Blumford is played Earl Boen. In this episode, there’s yet another shoutout to Boen’s role in the Terminator films when Boen tells a photographer that some people have mistaken him for Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Anyway, Jake eventually realizes how dorky he looks wearing the safety monitor sash so he decides to challenge the new kid to racing the infamous “Coolman’s Curve,” which is apparently the most dangerous road in California. The new kid backs down and Jake is once again proclaimed the coolest student at Pacific Coast High. Yay!

This episode was incredibly silly but, in its way, it worked. Jake continually crashing his bike made me laugh a little more than it should have. What made the joke work was that all of the accidents were due to an inconvenient speed dump that had been put in the parking lot by the safety patrol. Safety Week turned out to be the most dangerous week in California.

The important thing is that Jake did not lose his cool and, as a result, was allowed to continue living his California dream.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 3.10 “Daddy’s Girl” and 3.11 “Family Tree”

Posted on January 21, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, California Dreams is all about family.

Episode 3.10 “Daddy’s Girl”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 19th, 1994)

Tiffani is worried that her father (Rod Arrantis) is lonely being a single man who spends all of his time studying humpback whales. So, she decides to set him up with Ariel (Kristine Sutherland), who is also a humpback enthusiast. (Wait, that sounds weird….) Somewhat distractingly, Ariel is played by the same actress who played Zack Morris’s mother on Saved By The Bell so it’s easy to spend this entire episode wondering if maybe she divorced Derek Morris after Zack graduated from high school and Tiffani and Zack are about to become stepsiblings.

Anyway, things are great at first but then Tiffani gets jealous and tries to break up her father’s relationship by revealing the Ariel has a police record. Unfortunately, Tiffani doesn’t actually bother to take a look at the record before barging in on her father’s date and it turns out that Ariel only has two unpaid parking tickets. Today, of course, Ariel would be thrown in prison for the tickets and locked up while the FBI, CIA, and NSA searched her twitter account for any negative remarks about the government’s COVID policies. However, 1994 was a more libertarian time and everyone on the show understood that parking tickets were no big deal.

After her father ends his relationship to keep Tiffani happy, Tiffani realizes that she was in the wrong. That means that it’s time to save the relationship by singing a song!

The thing that bothers me about this episode is that Tiffani is a hundred times brattier than Lorena was when they all visited Lorena’s father’s ski resort and yet nobody accuses Tiffani of being spoiled. That’s a bit of double standard. That said, there was one funny scene in which a horrified Tony realized that there was nothing that Mr. Smith enjoyed talking about more than humpback whales. “I’ve got to get back to work,” Tony said. “I’ll just tell you about them while you work,” Mr. Smith replies (or words to that effect). It made me laugh.

Episode 3.11 “Family Tree”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 26th, 1994)

For history class, the Dreams are investigating their family trees. Jake reveals that his grandparents were refugees from Eastern Europe. Sam reveals that her ancestors built the Great Wall of China. Lorena turns out to be related to both Benito Juarez and Mario Lopez. Tiffani is forced to research both the Smiths and the Joneses. Amazingly, it appears the genealogical research is so easy that all you have to do is check out a few books from the library.

Tony is upset to discover that his earliest known ancestor was a slave so he makes up a story about being descended from an emperor. Everyone is really impressed. “That’s wonderful, Tony,” the very white teacher announces, “especially since most African-American can’t find anything before the Civil War.” She said it in such a cheerful and condescending manner that it immediately made me think of the incredibly awkward episode of The Love Boat in which Captain Stubing took it upon himself to explain black history to Isaac.

Eventually, Tony is visited by the ghost of one of his ancestors and he finally decides to be honest about his background. This episode was well-intentioned and nowhere near as bad as the infamous Running Zack episode of Saved By The Bell. A bit of the humor was a bit awkward. For a show that was ground-breaking in the diversity of its cast (at least as far as TNBC shows were concerned), a lot of the humor is still based on stereotypes and the same studio audience that cheered Tony for embracing his identity also laughed whenever Lorena spoke Spanish. For the most part, though, this episode worked and it gave William James Jones a chance to do something more than just be the goofy comedic relief.

(Incidentally, I love family tree projects. I’m Irish on my father’s side and Italian/Spanish on my mother’s side.)

Next week, it’s a double dose of Jake as he takes up smoking and considers losing his cool!

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 3.8 “The Princess and the Yeti” and 3.9 “Winkle/Wicks World”

Posted on January 14, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week the Dreams go to Colorado and Public Access Television. To quote Matt Garrison, “Let’s do it!”

Episode 3.8 “The Princess and the Yeti”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 29th, 1994)

The Dreams have left California for Colorado! It’s on temporary, however. They’ve been hired to play at the ski resort that’s owned by Lorena’s father, Mr. Costas (Abraham Alvarez). Lorena is looking forward to skiing and showing off her new outfit. Her father wants her to work the front desk. “I’m allergic to work,” Lorena says, which leads to everyone saying that Lorena is spoiled.

Which is not true at all! Listen, Lorena is on vacation. You don’t work when you’re on vacation. At no point does Lorena’s father say that he’ll pay for Lorena to work the front desk. Instead, he just says, “I need you to work the front desk tonight.” Nah, old man. It doesn’t work like that. I, myself, have been called spoiled enough time to know that everyone is being way too hard on Lorena. Lorena has every right to expect a chance to ski while on a SKI VACATION!

Anyway, Mr. Costas wants to expand his resort but there’s an old man (Sandy Ward) who lives in a cabin and he refuses to move off his property. If the stubborn old man wasn’t bad enough, there’s also a Yeti running around the forest. But what if that Yeti is just a man dressed in a costume? Who would have the motive? Mr. Costas? No, he would be costing himself money by doing that. How about the Old Man? Other than the Dreams, he’s the only other person in this episode.

After Tony gets scared by the Yeti, he runs into the forest. The rest of the Dreams follow him and come across the Old Man’s cabin and his yeti costume. When Mr. Costas finds out, he wants to press charges but the Dreams are like, “He’s just an nice old man!” Yeah, and you’re a bunch of high school kids from California. Your opinion really isn’t that important.

The Dreams get mad at Lorena for not telling her father that the Old Man deserves to stay in his cabin. (Again, I’m not sure how it’s any of their business.) Miffed, Lorena goes skiing alone and injures her knee. The Old Man saves her life and Lorena offers to help pay off whatever money the Old Man is costing her father by working the front desk and not taking an allowance for a year. Mr. Costas agrees and everything works out …. except, of course, Lorena lives in California so how is she going work the front desk of a Colorado resort?

Also, I don’t care how nice the Old Man is. He still dressed up like a Yeti and did a lot of property damage to Mr. Costas’s business. Drag his his ass to jail!

This episode mostly serves to remind us that the California Dreams belong in California and on the beach. It just doesn’t seem right whenever they appear in a different location. It’s like one of those weird episodes of Saved By The Bell: The New Class where the gang all ended up working at a ranch. As much of a misfire as this episode was, I did laugh at the scene where Jake had to wear Lorena’s pink snow jacket while searching for Tony. A few years ago, in the middle of a torrential rain storm, Jeff informed me that he would rather get soaked and risk pneumonia than borrow my hot pink umbrella. What do men have against the color pink?

Anyway, let’s move on!

Episode 3.9 “Winkle/Wicks World”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 12th, 1994)

Tony and Sly get a show on public access TV! What was the deal with people in Peter Engel-produced shows always ending up on Public Access Television? Anyway, The Goo-Ga-Moo Guys becomes a big hit, despite being just a lame Wayne’s World rip-off. (To the show’s credit, Jake refers to show as being a “Wayne’s World rip-off.”) Unfortunately, this means that Tony no longer has time to play drums and Sly no longer has time to manage the band. Lorena takes over as manager and teaches the band how to be classy so that they can play an upper class gig that is, for some reason, being held at Sharky’s.

Anyway, fame goes to Tony and Sly’s heads. In the end, though, they decide that friendship is more important than fame. *Yawn* This is a plot that was used and reused by so many Peter Engel-produced shows that, at times, it seems as if the entire Englverse was an autopilot.

Hopefully, next week’s episodes will encourage us to seek good vibrations and feel mellow.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 3.6 “The Long Goodbye” and 3.7 “Trust Me”

Posted on January 7, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Do surf dudes still have attitude in 2023? I was going to suggest watching California Dreams to find out but, then again, today’s episodes are from 1994 so I guess that wouldn’t really answer the question.

Oh well, onward to the reviews….

Episode 3.6 “The Long Goodbye”

(Dir by Patirck Maloney, originally aired on October 15th, 1994)

In a rare nod to continuity, Nikki Cox returns as Sly’s blind girlfriend, Allison!

Sly is being so nice and considerate to Allison that it leads to Lorena and Sam realizing that Tony and Jake are totally inconsiderate pigs who won’t even hold open a door for them! Instead of changing their ways, Tony and Jake demand that Sly stop being so romantic. Sly, however, is devoted to Allison and he even joins the track team so that he can give her a letterman’s jacket and ask her to be his “exclusive” girlfriend. Allison takes her to Sharky’s to pop the question and attempts to convince her that they’re at a romantic French restaurant by having Tony speak with a French accent. Tony’s accent is terrible. Allison sees right through him….

Unfortunately, Allison is moving away! She’s been accepted at a prep school in Chicago, one that will prepare her to teach blind children. Sly, as usual, acts like a jerk and all of the Dreams gang up on him for being distant with Allison after learning that she’s leaving but honestly, Sly’s reaction was realistic. That doesn’t mean that Sly wasn’t wrong for 1) refusing to return Allison’s calls and 2) trying to go on a date on the same night that Allison was having her going-away party but people do stupid things when their heart is broken. And, just like many people do in real life, Sly eventually saw the error of his ways and he had a rather sweet conversation with Allison at the party. It’s a shame that Allison left the series as Nikki Cox and Michael Cade had a far more believable chemistry than the show’s main couples.

Speaking of which, this episode featured a rather stupid subplot in which Tony and Jake attempted to be more romantic by pretending to be the lead characters of the romance novel that Tiffany is reading. Needless to say, this leads to Renaissance costumes and fencing. It’s pretty dumb (though Jay Anthony Franke and Williams James Jones deserve some credit for the extent to which they threw themselves into it) but it’s also an indication of just how different season 3 of California Dreams was from season 2 of California Dreams.

All that said, this was definitely one of the better episodes of California Dreams and, again, credit for that goes to Michael Cade and Nikki Cox and their ability to bring some much-needed reality to the show’s musical hijinks.

Episode 3.7 “Trust Me”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 22nd, 1994)

Sly has entered the Dreams into a music video contest! The only problem is that Jake and Mark have yet to finish writing the lyrics for the Dreams’s newest song. Maybe they should give Matt Garrison a call and ask for his advice.

Not wanting to visit his creepy uncle, Mark spends the weekend at Lorena’s loft. He and Jake are supposed to be working on the song but Lorena would rather have fun and watch movies! Jake accuses Lorena of being a distraction. Jake and Lorena fight and later, after Jake has gone home for the night, Mark kisses Lorena. Uh-oh!

Mark, it appears, misinterpreted the fight. It turns out that Lorena and Jake fight all the time and it’s actually a huge part of what they enjoy about their relationship. Feeling guilty, Mark writes and then sings a song about how he kissed Lorena. Jake loses it and refuses to perform with Mark. Fortunately, two bullies show up at Sharky’s and try to give Jake a hard time. When Mark stands up to the bullies, it leads to a brawl and a renewed friendship. Yay!

But did the Dreams wins the contest? We never find out.

As for the episode itself, it provided a showcase for the two newest members of the cast and Diana Uribe and Aaron Jackson both did a really good job. I could relate to Lorena because I’ve had the same “You’re a distraction” line tossed at me and it definitely hurts. And Aaron Jackson totally sold the scene where he nervously sang Jake the lyrics about kissing Lorena. All in all, this was another good episode.

Way to go, Dreams!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 12/25/22 — 12/31/22

Posted on December 31, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to my final week in television for 2022! I spent most of the past week with my sister Megan and her family. We probably watched the news more than anything else, what with that guys getting arrested for committing those murders in Idaho. Here’s some thoughts on the non-news programming that we watched.

1923 (Paramount+)

On Tuesday, my sister Megan and I watched the first two episodes of the latest Yellowstone prequel. It wasn’t bad, though I do have to admit that I was only half-paying attention to it. Harrison Ford is ideally cast as an aging western icon.

California Dreams (YouTube)

Megan and I love this show and we watched several episodes this week. The reviews will be available every Saturday!

The Circle (Netflix)

I swore to myself that I was not going to allow myself to get sucked into another stupid reality show but then, on Wednesday, I decided to just take a quick peek to discover what The Circle was like. I wasn’t planning on watching much of the latest season. I just wanted to get maybe a 5-minute sample.

Of course, as soon as the show started, I discovered the Brett was on the show. Brett was a part of Big Brother 20. He was a total jerk but he was honest about it and he was frequently one of the funniest people in the house. He was the type of bad boy that I’ve always had a weakness for. As well, his betrayal of Rockstar (yes, that was the name she used in the House) led to the classic moment of Rockstar yelling about how she had been betrayed on “my daughter’s birthday!”

Anyway, Brett was one of the first people voted out of the Circle but, fortunately, he and Xanthi are still secretly playing the game. Brett and Xanthi are a cute couple and if we don’t see some sort of evidence of them hooking up by the end of next week, I can only assume that the show is hiding it from us.

Also, one of the contestants is a British comedian named Tom. He mentioned that he lived in the Tower of the London. “I’ve never heard of the Tower of London,” the other contestants said while I screamed internally. Anyway, Tom’s adorable.

Despite my best efforts, I’ve been sucked into The Circle.

Dragnet (YouTube)

I watched two episodes of this 1960s cop show on Thursday. One featured Joe Friday on a talk show, where he debated a snide hippy and a pompous professor. The other featured Friday taking a class at night school and justifying his decision to arrest one of his classmates for possessing marijuana. Welcome to the 60s!

The Love Boat (Paramount+)

I wrote about the Love Boat here! Megan and I watched several episodes this week. We both agreed that the ship looked nice.

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

Late Saturday night, I experienced New Year’s 1983! It was a bit trippy.

Upstart Crow (Sunday Night, PBS)

On Sunday night, my sister Megan and I watched all of the Upstart Crow Christmas specials. I had already seen them but I enjoyed introducing them to my sister.