Baby On Board | Through the Shattered Lens

Baby On Board (YouTube)

I wrote about Baby on Board here!

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I wrote about Baywatch Nights here!

Check It Out! (YouTube)

My review of this week’s episode will drop in about 90 minutes.

CHiPs (Freevee)

I wrote about CHiPs here!

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

I wrote about Degrassi Junior High here! Poor Wheels.

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

On Sunday, I watched an episode in which Dr. Phil confronted a pathological liar named Brittany. She stormed off stage. The audience gasped.

On Monday, I watched a two-part episode featuring a crazy woman who insisted that both of her children were paranoid schizophrenic. Dr. Phil said he would help her if she agreed to delete her YouTube channel. “No,” the woman replied. The audience gasped.

On Tuesday, I watched a two-part episode in which a man was falsely accused by his ex-wife and mother-in-law of sexually abusing his daughter. What a toxic family! I mean, the guy was kind of a jerk but no one deserves to be falsely accused of something like that.

On Wednesday, I watched a divorced couple yell at each other over who was responsible for their son’s video game addiction.

On Thursday, I watched a two-part episode in which a masseuse named Tarek came on the show to try to clear his name after he was accused of sexually assaulting 18 of his clients. Tarek asked to be on the show and demanded to take a polygraph exam. What was weird about that was the fact that Tarek was obviously guilty and a terrible liar. No one was shocked when he failed the polygraph.

Later, I watched an episode about a mother-in-law who accused her son’s wife of being the “spawn of Satan.” Yikes! The wife was actually very nice and had the patience of a saint.

On Friday morning, I watched an episode in which Phil got annoyed with a teenage girl who hoped that getting pregnant would lead to her getting her own reality show.

On Saturday, I watched an episode featuring a young woman who insisted that her mother had kidnapped her son. The young woman wanted to sue her parents but she also wanted them to lend her the money for the attorney.

Dragnet (YouTube)

On Sunday, I watched my favorite episode of this old cop show. Friday and Gannon appeared on a talk show and debated an underground newspaper editor and a sociologist. Someday, I’ll write a full-length review of this episode because, from a historical point of view, it’s really is spectacular.

I followed this up with my second favorite episode, in which Friday enrolled in night school and promptly arrested one of his classmates.

Fantasy Island (Daily Motion)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th here!

Highway to Heaven (Freevee)

I wrote about Highway to Heaven here!

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Miami Vice (Prime)

I wrote about Miami Vice here!

Monsters (YouTube)

I wrote about Monsters here!

Snub UK (Night Flight Plus)

I watched an episode of this old music show on Friday night. The music videos were enjoyably trippy.

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here.

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back, Kotter here!

World’s Most Evil Killers (YouTube)

On Friday, I watched an episode about Arizona’s Baseline Killer. He was definitely evil and he was a killer so I guess the show delivered what it promised.

World’s Most Evil Prisoners (YouTube)

On Wednesday morning, I watched a profile of Christa Pike, the youngest inmate on Tennessee’s Death Row. And yes, Christa Pike did appear to be really, really evil. As a fellow redhead, I was upset to see a member of the 2% behaving so badly.

On Friday, I watched an episode about T.D. Bingham, a leader of the Aryan Brotherhood. He was definitely a scary guy, as well as being an evil prisoner. So, just as with World’s Most Evil Killers, this show delivered what it promised.

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Baby On Board, which aired on CBS in 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, we have a sitcom about two terrible parents.

Episode 1.1 “Pilot”

(Dir by David Steinberg, originally aired on July 12th, 1988)

George (Lawrence Pressman) and Sally (Jane Galloway) are a married couple in their 40s. They are also parents to 9 month-old Abigail and they’re still struggling to adapt to life with a baby. Sally is annoyed because George pretends to be asleep whenever Abigail cries and that George gives the baby food-related nicknames.

“How is she going to feel when she sees you eating a cupcake!?” Sally wails.

George starts to call Abigail “anchovy” because that’s something that he will never eat.

Sally’s mother (Joan Copeland) sometimes comes by so that she can complain about George and talk about how Sally waited too long to have a baby. (“If you had the baby when you were supposed to, she’d be in college now!”) George’s father (Larry Haines) also comes by, mostly so he can argue with Sally’s mother.

George and Sally have tickets for a wonderful beach vacation. But who is going to look after Abigail while they’re gone? Obviously, the in-laws are not an option. They decide to hire a babysitter. At first, George is nervous about leaving Abigail with a stranger but then Lauri the Babysitter shows up and she’s played by a very young Teri Hatcher. George suddenly decides that he’s now okay with leaving Abigail but suddenly, Sally doesn’t want to go on vacation. I guess they would rather stay home with the younger woman that her husband is obviously attracted to. Sally especially gets upset when the cheery Lauri suggests that Sally try out some yoga positions to release stress. “Is your mother younger than me!?” Sally demands.

None of this is particularly funny but don’t tell that to the laugh track. This episode had one of the loudest and most intrusive laugh tracks that I’ve ever heard but pretending that everyone laughed at an unfunny line doesn’t make the line any funnier. It just emphasizes that everything about the show is fake.

George and Sally do eventually decide to take their vacation. George’s father shows up to watch the house so that Lauri can spend her time watching the baby. “Watch how you dress,” George tells Luari, “because my father has a heart condition.” (Lauri’s outfit is pretty modest so I’m not sure what type of Victorian society George’s father grew up in.) Then Sally’s mother shows up and throws a fit over George’s father being asked but not her. Finally, George grabs Abigail and takes her on vacation with them. But I noticed that George and Sally didn’t bother to pack any baby stuff so good luck with that.

Baby on Board was obviously inspired by the idea that everyone loves a cute baby. This episode, though, made me feel bad for the baby. I mean, what a terrible family! Needless to say, this was the show’s only episode.

Next week — I will start reviewing Malibu CA, a show that actually lasted more than one episode!