Last night, I watched NBC’s tape-delayed pretend-live coverage of the Opening Ceremony of the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi.

Why Was I Watching It?

I loved the London opening ceremonies and I wanted to see how Sochi would compare.  Plus, there was always the chance that the ceremony might somehow involve curling…

What Was It About?

It was the opening of the Sochi Olympics.  It was a chance for Russia to celebrate its own history.  It was a ceremony specifically designed for people, like me, who appreciate spectacle for the sake of spectacle.

It was also a chance for NBC to screw everything up and be generally annoying.

What Worked?

As I said, I appreciate spectacle for the sake of spectacle and that’s what the Opening Ceremonies were.  They were a great spectacle, which managed to be thrilling, impressive, ludicrous, and silly at the same time.

There was no way not to be impressed and moved by sight of the teams of athletes marching into the stadium.  My favorite teams: Team Canada, Team Ireland, Team Spain, Team Italy, Team Andorra, and Team Australia.  (No, I’m not rooting for Team USA this time around.  After all, an American team just won the Super Bowl.  It’s time to spread the wealth around.  Go Canada!)

Glowering old Vladimer Putin would make a great villain in the next Bond film, wouldn’t he?

What Did Not Work?

The ceremony was amazing but, unfortunately for those of us in the States, it was broadcast on NBC.  NBC declined to live stream the Opening Ceremonies (which were held around 11:00 am EST) but instead decided to show us an edited version in the evening, with the notoriously vapid Matt Lauer and Meredith Vieira on-hand to provide commentary and “context.”

And what context!  Matt was apparently under the assumption that he’s the only American who knows who has read a novel by Nabokov or appreciated a painting by Kandinsky.  Meredith said things like, “And now Imperialist Russia will be swept away by the revolution and this commercial break…”  Both Matt and Meredith talked through the performance of Swan Lake, which is unforgivable.

NBC declined to show us four of the most-discussed moments from the opening ceremonies.  We did not get to see t.a.T.u perform, which also means we didn’t get to consider the irony of fake lesbians performing at an official ceremony in a county known for its anti-LGBT laws.    We did not get to hear the portion of the IOC President’s speech where he called for tolerance.  (It’s almost as if NBC was going out of their way not to upset Putin…)  We did not get to see the end of the ceremony’s recreation of Russian history.  And, most tragically, we did not get to see the Russian police singing Daft Punk’s Get Lucky, a moment that would have brought some humanity to the ceremony.

Though the show started at 6:30, NBC still made everyone sit through an hour of filler before it actually started to show the Opening Ceremony.  Among that filler was watching Bob Costas interview the President.  Bob started out by assuring the President that he would only be asking him about the Olympics.  When I heard that, I thought, “Yay!  This will be over quickly!”  However, it turns out that our President is just as long-winded when he’s talking about the Olympics as when he’s talking about anything else.  Again, let’s consider that NBC declined to show us the Russian police singing Daft Punk so that we could sit through yet another interview with someone who we see every single day.

Incidentally, Team America’s sweaters were just as hideous as everyone thought they would be.  When they were introduced, they all looked like they had been given the same crappy Christmas present.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

Watching all of the ballet made me so nostalgic and a little sad.

Lessons Learned

Matt Lauer is an annoying schmuck.