23 | May | 2017 | Through the Shattered Lens

Chuck Fucking Norris, man. Is there anything this man can not do?

In Missing in Action, he plays Colonel James Braddock, an army intelligence officer. For a career military man, his long hair and his beard are definitely against regulations but who is going to tell Chuck Norris to get a haircut? Ten years ago, Braddock escaped from a POW camp in North Vietnam. Haunted by nightmares and still convinced that there are American POWs in Vietnam, Braddock is inspired by an episode of Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends (I am not joking!) to accompany a U.S. Senator on a fact-finding trip to Ho Chi Minh City. It’s there that Braddock uncovers evidence that American soldiers are being held prisoner by the evil General Trau (James Hong). With the government refusing to help him, Braddock is forced to go to Thailand, where he hooks up with an old friend, a former soldier turned black marketeer named Tuck (M. Emmett Walsh). Braddock and Tuck head into the jungle, to both rescue the POWs and to remind the world that, no matter what a bunch of pointy-headed lefties might say, Americans never lose a war!

A blatant rip-off of the Rambo films, Missing in Action was one of Cannon Films’ most financially successful movies. Seen today, Missing in Action is borderline xenophobic and it takes forever for the action to really get started. I was surprised by the number of scenes that were devoted to Braddock looking for evidence that the POWs were still in Vietnam, as if there was ever any real suspense about what Braddock would find. (No POWs = no movie.)

On the positive side, once it finally starts, the action is exciting. Joseph Zito was a veteran genre director and he know how to handle a battle scene. Unfortunately, in this one, Chuck does most of his fighting with a machine gun instead of his hands. This is also one of the first movies where Chuck Norris has the full beard going. The beard serves to distract from what a stiff actor Chuck Norris usually was and it does its job in Missing in Action. When it comes to picking a Chuck Norris film to watch, it’s a good idea to see how much facial hair will be featured. If Chuck has a beard, definitely watch. If Chuck only has a mustache, proceed with caution but, if there’s nothing else to watch, give the movie a chance. If Chuck is clean-shaven and Bruce Lee is nowhere to be seen, throw the movie back and never speak of it again.

Missing in Action was shot back-to-back with what eventually became known as Missing in Action 2: The Beginning. Originally, The Beginning was meant to be released first and Missing in Action was intended to be a sequel. However, once the execs at Cannon saw the footage, they deemed The Beginning to be unreleasable and instead sent Missing in Action out to theaters. (A movie so bad that even Cannon was hesitant to release it? It boggles the mind.) Missing in Action was such a box office success and The Beginning was subsequently released as a prequel. However, when it comes to Norris/Cannon films, Invasion USA is the one to watch. That one has a bearded Chuck and Richard Lynch!

For the longest time, I’ve had a fantasy about the collapse of civilization.

It goes something like this: The Left and the Right in America have finally realized that their true enemy is the deeply entrenched, deeply authoritarian, nonideological government. The people have finally risen up. Rioters are in the street, attacking both each other and their oppressors. With the police proving either incapable or unwilling to try to control the riots, the National Guard has been called in. Tanks roll down Main Street. Helicopters hover above burning building. Disembodied voices announce that anyone caught violating curfew will be shot. It started with a burning city but now the entire country is on fire.

I see all of this as I sit in back of the limo that is carrying me and a few of my loved ones to the airport. At first, I feel sad that America is collapsing but, as we get closer to the airport, that sadness is replaced by hope. As bad as things are, at least we’ve got somewhere else to go. At least we can start again, hopefully without any of the bullshit that led to the collapse of civilization in the first place.

There’s a private plane waiting for us. We take our seats. As the plane takes off, I look out the window and I can see that the tanks and the rioters have just arrived at the airport. Our plane is the last one to take off. We are the last ones to escape. As the plane flies us to our new home (sometimes it’s Ireland, sometimes it’s Italy, sometimes it’s Spain, sometimes it’s an island off in the middle of nowhere), I looked out the window and I see the city burning below.

And, during all of this, Clocks is the song that’s playing in the background. Seriously, it’s great escaping music!

As for the video above, it was filmed in London, at the Docklands Excel Building. The audience was largely made up of local college students. It’s actually a rather simple video but that’s okay. It’s perfect for the song.

Enjoy!

(Val should be back and handling music video duties tomorrow!)