Film Review: Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (dir. by Nicholas Webster)


As our longtime readers may have noticed, I’m running behind on getting my weekly exploitation and grindhouse trailer post together.  I apologize for the delay and this week’s post should be up either tomorrow or on Monday.  However, until I finally manage to get my act together, why not enjoy a classic holiday film that just happens to be in the public domain?

You may think that you know everything about Santa but did you know that he’s also a super hero who is capable of interstellar conquest?  Did you know that he’s not only needed on Earth but on Mars as well? Did you know that apparently some people known him as “Santy Claus?”  And most importantly, did you know that Santa is actually kind of a creepy old man whose trademark laugh can actually sound quite disturbing in certain circumstances?

Okay, maybe that’s not true about the actual Santa Claus.  But it’s certainly true about the Santa Claus who turns up in the 1964 film Santa Claus Conquers The Martians.  This film, an obvious labor of love from director Nicholas Webster, presents us with a universe where the children of Mars are so stricken with ennui that the King of Mars has no choice but to go down to Earth and kidnap Santa.  Santa, however, manages to conquer those Martians while bringing holiday goodness and cheer to children all over the universe.  Santa, by the way, is played by John Call and … well, it’s a performance that has to be seen.

In fact, Santa Claus Conquers The Martians itself is a film that simply must be seen.  Everything from the cardboard robot to the cardboard South Pole to the cardboard cast to the painfully catchy theme song “Hooray for Santy Claus” simply demands that you watch this film at least once.  Santa Claus Conquers The Martians has earned its reputation for being one of the worst films ever made but you know what?  It’s also a lot of fun and it’s still better than Avatar.

Seriously, Avatar sucks.

So, please, sit back with your computer and enjoy Santa Claus Conquers The Martians.  Hopefully, next year at this time, it will be rereleased in 3-D.  And, if you’ve seen this film before, you know what the means.  That’s right — Dropo right in your face!